Saw the surgeon today--

Freddy2000
Freddy2000 Member Posts: 6
edited June 2014 in ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)

hey all-- I have been lurking but this is my first real post.I was diagnosed with ILC at the very end of march-- I have been having yearly mammos since I was 35 (I am 47) and last years was all clear. I felt a mass in my breast in oct 08 and showed it to my gyno--who said it was nothing to worry about. So I put it in the back of my mind until my yearly mammo, in Feb. And THEN-- all hell broke loose! mammo/sonogram/biopsy-- the 24 year old nurse whispered to me during the sonogram "THIS DOES NOT LOOK GOOD" . Anyway-- diagnosed with stage 2, 2 tumors 1.8 and 2.2, chemo first, started in april-- 4 X AC, 12 X Taxol (they just switched me to Abraxin because of hives) --surgery in october. I saw the surgeon today and she said I was doing FINE, responding well to chemo. I walked out and had a total meltdown. WHY?? she told me I was doing great! Finally realized I just wanted her to tell me that i DIDN'T HAVE BREAST CANCER anymore. And she didn't.

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Comments

  • trigeek
    trigeek Member Posts: 916
    edited July 2009

    Freddy !!! I totally hear you. Hearing the diagnosis changes our lives forever but it takes a while to get used to the new normal.  We SOOO want to hear someone to tell us it is ok, and its over..But dont you think it is great that you actually are observing the chemo eating away the dang thing ????

    Hang in there ! ILC is really worse cause most of us were thinking that we were doing everything that needed to be done and we get shocked when the ugly mass rears its head.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2009

    Freddy2000 - welcome although I would rather have met you under different circumstances.

    You said you have been lurking so you have already found out that this is a great, supportive, site and you should lurk and post often.  It will make you feel better and the time to pass more quickly. 

    Your meltdown is entirely normal.  Don't sweat it because it's quite possible it won't be the last time.  Come here and rant, scream, stomp, whatever, whenever you feel like it.  Say it here in words.  Your sisters here will understand when those you love, and who love you, but who are not taking the walk,  won't 'really' understand.

    Blessings.

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited July 2009

    Oh, Freddy,  I know how it feels when you move slowly out of the fog in stages to the realization of what is happening to you. I know so well those feelings.  I kept waiting for someone to reassure me, tell me I was going to be O.K. knowing that nobody would/could tell me that. It didn't mean I would or wouldn't be O.K. it just meant there would never be any certainty.  We want that so badly from the people who are caring for us.   If you are responding to chemo, celebrate that!  It's a very good sign.  I know I don't have to tell you that.  There is no right way to react to any of this.  I wept many times; it's not only good for us, it's necessary.  We have to release the emotions. A big cyber hug goes out to you tonight.  

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  • Freddy2000
    Freddy2000 Member Posts: 6
    edited July 2009

    Thank you trigreek! Yes, it is great that chemo is attacking the cancer and that I can actually see/feel it--its GREAT.

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  • Freddy2000
    Freddy2000 Member Posts: 6
    edited July 2009

    Thank you all. I am taking baby steps posting-- I am a single mom of a ten year old and I run my own business. Like so many of you BC has stopped me in my tracks. I have always done what I "should"--yearly mammos, exercise, good diet-- ARGH! and so many people depend on me!

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  • nash
    nash Member Posts: 2,600
    edited July 2009

    Freddy--glad you started posting. This site is great. I'm a lurker on all other boards I go to--this is the only one I'm comfortable being active on.

    And yeah, it's pretty annoying when one has done all the "should haves" and ends up with cancer anyhow. My kids are 10 1/2 and 7, so I know what you mean about people depending on you. When I first got diagnosed, I felt like telling the docs, "I'm sorry, but I'm much too busy for this. You'll have to give this diagnosis to someone else." Undecided

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  • Makratz
    Makratz Member Posts: 12,678
    edited July 2009

    Hugs Freddy.  Find the strength and kick your cancers a$$!!  We are all here to support you.

    (((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))

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  • amlg1
    amlg1 Member Posts: 596
    edited July 2009

    Freddy your story sounds alot like all of ours,I too every year mammo for 22 years,then this year enlarged nodes show up and after many tests found 2cm mass in breast..I did everything right too,this really sucks.hang in there,I can't wait to finish treatment,and hear chemo and rads worked.

    Love and prayers.

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