Help I am struggling today

It is not uncommon to become depressed after treatment.  You feel like you have been actively fighting and now what? 

Tamoxifen is powerful - consider that you are still fighting. 

Try to get some exercise in - it makes you feel better emotionally and physically

I did a lot of self talking reminding myself to enjoy today - taking the focus off the future, which helped. 

I hope you feel better soon.

nene ~  I think what you're going through right now is very normal.  The way it was described to me is, when we're dx'd and in treatment, there's only so much our minds can handle as it's happening.  So, we tend to compartmentalize a lot of the grief and sadness and just get on with what has to be done.  Then, suddenly, the tx is over, and all those emotions that have been suppressed for months start to bubble out.  Thank goodness a social worker gave me a heads up on it, because I had an absolute meltdown on a vacation about 2 mos. post chemo -- set off by a display with pink bc awareness t-shirts of all things!  I came unglued because I thought at the time I would never be able to wear cute little t-shirts like that again, and I thought it was positively stupid that women were grabbing them up and thinking they were doing something to fight bc, while the vendor was probably making far more than was going to bc.  So I know how those emotions can come out of nowhere and really take us by surprise.

As a practical suggestion, I know that some facilities occasionally run survivor workshops to deal with this and other issues that affect us (at least our local one does), and someone also recommended a book on another thread that I'll try to find for you.  I'm also really in favor of talking to the social worker or psychologist of whomever your facility has on staff for that purpose. The two times I've done that, I got great insight and coping strategies.

But just know you are not alone!  What you are going through is part of the process of healing, and it absolutely does get better.    (((Hugs)))   Deanna

Gentle hugs sweet sister......I hear you loud and clear......God bless you and wrap you in His love......

Dear Nene, You are so welcome!!! I thought we were a rarity, too, but believe it or not there are quite a few out there with similar diagnoses. You are going to be just fine, I know it. God bless you!!!Kathy

I went through the same thing honey.  People thought I was insane because I was actually sad when chemo was over.  I had to make them understand I didn't want more "chemo" I just felt secure while it was going on that the cancer couldn't come back.  There was about four weeks between the end of chemo and my first oncology appointment when i would get the tamoxofin presecription and I had nightmares every night.  Horrible vivid nightmares of being in the surgeons office and him telling me it was back and I wasn't going to make it this time. 

When I saw my oncologist she asked me how I was.  Out of reflex I said "great" and then I said " no that's a lie, I'm horrible and haven't slept in a month and I am afraid the cancer is coming back and I am dying and I just don't know it."

She sat there and talked with my husband and I for probably an hour.  They also were able to get me a list of therapists who specialize in post treatment breast cancer patients. 

You are normal my love, like others have said talk to people who you trust and you will get through and start to feel better.

Take care

Robyn

Oh yeah, we're all there with you.  It's tough, after treatment is over, the feeling of being all alone with your fear.  My hospital, provides me with a psychologist, to talk to about every two weeks, and I don't know yet if it helps, but it couldn't hurt.

I know exactly how you feel.  My treatment is coming to an end soon as I finish with rads on August 4th.  I'm scared and ask the same question over and over - is it enough.  Even though I will be doing Herceptin for the next year and will be monitored real close during this time, I am having some anxiety issues as well.  My rad onc told me that this is absolutely normal.  For a while, you are caught up with your d/x, tests, treatment and all of a sudden, it is over.  My rad onc. has recommend that I talk to someone outside friends and family - a professional and I'm going to take him up on his offer.  Just know that you are not alone in your feelings. I"m sure all of the ladies on this board has felt the same way one time or another.  Life will never be normal, but it will be a "New Normal".  Hang tight sister - we are all here for each other.

(((Hugs))) 

One thing I found (looking back) that was helpful was when my husband forced me to go out.  I went through a period of time when I not only didn't want to go out, but I didn't want to shower or basically get out of bed unless I absolutely HAD to.  I HAD to go to work so I put on my "have to function now" work face.  But once I was home I would quite literally shut down.  One Saturday when I was planning on staying in bed and I thought he was taking the kids out to run errands he said, " You are going to get cleaned up and get in the car.  We are going out for a walk and then to visit our friends"

I was never so mad at him in my LIFE!  I was mad most of the hour long ride from NH to Minute Man park in Concord MA in the FREEZING COLD.  (my chemo ended in March and it was STILL winter by me) but in spite of myself I did feel better after getting out and walking and by the time we got to our friends house (very dear friends we have known since college) I was in a fairly decent mood.

At the time I felt DH was being uncaring and insensitive but I really needed a good ass kicking to get me out the door.  I was becoming afraid of living and I was really dwelling on fear of everything. 

The moral of the story is, you need to sometimes take a hard look at what your behaviors are and go outside your comfort zone if you aren't lucky enough to have someone in your life to take you in hand and force you to do something like this.  Its very very hard but I think you can really get yourself into trouble because its so easy to let the fear and the very reasonable depression over what you have lost and been through consume you.

Love to all,

Robyn

Jess,

Its completely understandable where you are.  You are tired.  I found it took about a month from my last Taxol to really feel good again.  I think we all have had it with being poked prodded having stuff injected, having appointments- its a lot to deal with.  Give yourself a break and rest as much as you can. 

Love Robyn

nene,

Sent you a private message....