Addicted to the boards??

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goldenabbey
goldenabbey Member Posts: 7
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

I was diagnosed last November and went thru chemo and rads and will be starting Arimedex.  I am home for the summer because I work in the schools.  I will be moving soon because when I was out sick I didn't get paid and I am losing my home.  This summer, instead of walking or doing things with my friends I find myself going straight to the computer and loggin on to the boards.  I don't post, but I read and read and cry and laugh and feel validated and understood and supported by the wonderful women who post here.  But, I worry I am not getting on  with my life.  I need to get out and be myself again.  This breast cancer experience was so horrible for me.  My family has been great, but I still feel so different and can't let the fear and anxiety go.  Help me please!

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  • goldenabbey
    goldenabbey Member Posts: 7
    edited July 2009

    And I feel guilty because I SHOULD be grateful to be alive but I am still MAD and I HATE cancer and I have to get over this and start living my life and being grateful.  I put up a good front.  I have a new grandson!!  I have so much to be thankful for, but I just can't seem to get over this. I think I will go to a support group at my hospital.  I need to something to motivate myself and get back to normal.  I hate Cancer!!!!

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  • goldenabbey
    goldenabbey Member Posts: 7
    edited July 2009

    And I am letting myself get fat again

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  • everyminute
    everyminute Member Posts: 1,805
    edited July 2009

    As far as anyone can tell - I have moved on and am doing great.  I work, I run, I go out with friends, I take care of my family and I am addicted to the boards. I try to be inspirational here and help others but I also read things I shouldnt, look for every symptom I don't have, empathize too much.

    I don't know how to get away and maybe that is ok.  I am going on vacation next week and am hoping to stay away for the week. Maybe that is a first step.

    Just wanted to let you know I understand - don't know what to do about it BUT I understand.

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited July 2009

    Hey Goldenabbey , I completely understand , and about the fat too ... 

    Since chemo I have become quite lethargic when I am not working.. so I mainly go on the internet. And of course read a lot here. This is a wonderful place to be... so much support and feeling of being understood. You are having a nice rest too so dont be hard on your self ... xx 

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited July 2009

    goldenabby .... me too ....don't know how to get myself on track again. I read these boards several times a day .. for hope, advice, inspiration...... but I also wonder if it's too much.

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  • lexislove
    lexislove Member Posts: 2,645
    edited July 2009

    I have finished treatment and have mostly moved on. I do like to come to the boards to offer info and support to the newly diagnosed..especially the younger woman. I did not know about this board untill I completed my treatment and joined almost a year ago. I wish I had known about it  at the time of diagnosis...BUT in a way I'm glad I found it when I did.

    I will admitt, I do not look at threads that start with..." possible recurence ect".....I just don't. I have come too far emotionally and have been on Effexor for recurrence anxiety. I am now trying to come off the Effexor. I only answer posts about treatment,studies or newly diagnosed.

    IF oneday I have a strange pain or discomfort, I will then search ...but now, when I'm fine no. Maybe its denial..I dunno, but I can honestly say by this time next year, I don't want to be posting as half as much as I do now. I would like for all this to be a memory but then remember the door is always open if need be.

    To answer your question about spending too much time on the board..maybe limit your hours. For example, 9-10AM while having your coffee or 8-9PM when the day is winding down. Maybe alternate the days...its like weaning yourself off Effexor...lmao. *inside joke maybe some of you get it* Tongue out

    I too will be going on vacation for 7 weeks and was planning on bringing my laptop to keep in contact with my parents while I'm gone. But now...I say NO. I do not want to be sitting with my inlaws, who do not speak English, and be visiting the boards.

     If I need the internet for emergency purposes I will find a cafe.

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  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 2,992
    edited July 2009

    LOL  JO!.......Are we as addicted as me?.......I come on here at least 3 times a day.....BUT only because I have no job and housework sucks right now......I have true friends here who I talk to here and on the phone and have met one or two in person........I give up trying to get away for a week or even a few days......I have an addictive personality anyway so why fight it?......I try to avoid things that will just get me thinking the wrong thing or will upset me too much......Sometimes I can't help myself and read the scary stuff like recurrence threads and such, but ohterwise it is only for support like the housework thread or Beaches or something like that.........i am extremely thankful I have the support of all these lovely ladies.....Lord knows I have barely any at home, but it is getting better....Or maybe I am getting better and it just seems I am geting more form my family......Either way I now come here to help support other women like I was, newly diagnosed and scared poopless.......This way I can give back a little and maybe even make another friend for life.........I have grown as a person thanks to this board and would not trade it for anything!.......I love all my sisters here!..........As for my doctor she told me if it helps you cope go for it but don't read the scary stuff!.............

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited July 2009

    My first year post dx, I worried about that, too.  The thing I had to keep in mind was that everyone I knew felt that it was all over, except, as we know, it wasn't.  I needed the support and continued to learn about bc treatment.  I was able to share knowledge and tips with newbies and support and encourage oldbies.

    As you can see I came here in '02, but until a year ago I was all over the boards and reading, posting.  I only come to this section now and am quite happy here.  I agree that too much "bad stuff" can get one down and if that is happening, one needs to back off or just visit the board that is best for them.  Humor, for instance. 

    I need to keep my friends here and will continue to do so in hopes of offering a positive force and proof of the possiblity of returning to a "normal" life.

    Thanks to you all, oldbies and newbies, for maintaining a place to come.

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  • goldenabbey
    goldenabbey Member Posts: 7
    edited July 2009

    It is good to feel less alone and this place certainly helps.  Thanks!

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  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 2,992
    edited July 2009

    Well I don't think about bc all the time and I don't come here because of the bc anymore....I come here now for the friendship and comradery (sp) I get........I agree JO.....If it gets too upsetting absolutely take a break......I love the crafts and prayer threads and the housework threads......I also try to help newbies who are just starting their journey.......It is the least I can do to give back......

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  • candie1971
    candie1971 Member Posts: 4,820
    edited July 2009

    I still come here after 3 years. I may not be here everyday but a good deal of the week I do. I like the friendships I have made here and I like to be support also. In the beginning, I was here and chat room. So I think it does dwindle down, but as for me, I will never completely leave. I need everyone here and I want to help all that I can. God bless you and all my bc sisters.

    Hugs and prayers,

    Candie

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  • HelenaJ
    HelenaJ Member Posts: 1,133
    edited July 2009

    Wow ... I just sent a PM to another lady asking about being addicted to this forum and can't sleep and just found this thread!!!  And just before logging on here to post I said to myself "don't do it - just read".  LOL.

    Lucy - well said about it not being because of the bc anymore.  I don't read the bad stuff and if I do I might post something which has been a positive experience for me or if I empathise with someone - can that be bad?  I truly want to limit my exposure but have just undergone exchange surgery and can't do all the things I love at the moment to keep me away from the computer - not sure if that is a pathetic excuse but I am in denial about a few things  ;) 

    I had a PM a few days ago from a lady who I hadn't met before and it made my day - to be in someones thoughts (all the way over here in Australia) is an overwhelmingly beautiful feeling.

    Addiction is bad if it is an abuse - I love the wonderful ladies I have met here and I'm sure over time moderation will step in - in the meantime my DH will still hear the tap tap tapping in the study. 

     big hugs everyone and great thread

    Helena

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  • Newbie21
    Newbie21 Member Posts: 70
    edited July 2009

    Hello all,

    I completely understand about being addicted or obsessed as I like to call it. It is about my mom. Even though it has been over 3 yrs, lately I can;t stop with the boards. I love all the women, and men here. They show me strengh and support and have provided me with some great, helpful information. But, I seem to look for the bad to happen, so I will need to stop that. Reading too much on these boards can catch you in a bad way. Be aware what it is doing to you and making you feel. We are not alone. Be well all and thanks for listening.  you are all special in my eyes. Giulia xo

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  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited July 2009

    Hello everyone,  The wonderful people on these boards got me through a very rough patch of chemo.  I was so down and I got lots of love and support from so many of you!  I check once a day and am warmed and inspired by the strength and courage shown here everyday.  Like you, Lucy, I hope to offer support and encouragement to others along the way now that I am further down the road.

    Ellen

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  • rgiuff
    rgiuff Member Posts: 1,094
    edited August 2009

    Help, I am so addicted, BC is all I think about lately.  And my surgery was over a year ago, finished Rads in Oct., yet it's on my mind now several times a day,  except when I get really busy at work. 

    I really need to get a life, get a new hobby something.  I'm embarrassed for my kids and husband to see me on the computer now.  It's several times a day for more than an hour at times!

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  • lexislove
    lexislove Member Posts: 2,645
    edited August 2009

    rgiuff...

    Just get your spouse to hide the computer keyboard. My bf's boyfriend did that when she confessed she had an online shopping addiction..lol

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  • lexislove
    lexislove Member Posts: 2,645
    edited August 2009

    athena..

    When visiting the boards affects your job/work....its time to take a break. JMO.

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  • HelenaJ
    HelenaJ Member Posts: 1,133
    edited August 2009

    Is it really that bad to be addicted?  You could sit watching TV for hours at night and not think anything of it - here it is interactive and supportive .... lots of people also get addicted to Facebook and don't have any medical problems, it is just communicating.  I think it is all pretty harmless and we will all eventually ease off and just lurk then move on.

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  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 2,992
    edited August 2009

    rgiuff, I totally know how you feel...I am 2 1/2 years out from dx and during my first year I obsessed like crazy over bc.....I have over the last year and a half found a different focus here.....I now try to help others as much as I can and it has helped me stop obsessing......I don't think of bc as much anymore as a personal thing...I think of it in general terms now and try to focus on the positive things in my life....My crochet projects help me to not obsess so much.......

    Athena, you are so new to the bc world that you will be obsessive for a while......And it's ok to do that.....My advice would be to limit yourself to just a certain ampount of time to be here on the boards each day.....Maybe use a timer if you want to limit yourself here.......Is there anytthing you like to do to keep yourself busy?.....I remember so well how I obsessed for days and was on here just about all day especially when I was recovering form surgeries over the last couple of years.....I wish you both peace and comfort.....It is very hard to get back to normal after a bc dx and no one who hasn't been there will ever understand.........I am so glad we have this site where others do understand........

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  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited August 2009

    Athena, I agree with Hollyann.  Give yourself a break.  Maybe it is too much, or maybe it is just what you need now to get through this.  And maybe your feelings are a reaction to the lupron.  In anycase, be kind to yourself, you are going through a tough experience and know that many women here are on your side and know how you feel.

    Ellen

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  • Newbie21
    Newbie21 Member Posts: 70
    edited August 2009

    So how do you do it? Not get too invovled with the bad news and feel overwhlemed and scared every day.  Thanks for listening. G

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  • Morgan513
    Morgan513 Member Posts: 664
    edited September 2009

    Wow.  I just found this thread.  I have gone from NEVER going on boards to being totally addicted.  I think for me the problem is that I have no one who would understand me and you are all my sisters who would understand everything.

    I know I can feel the anxiety creeping back in but it's a year since I signed up but never ever came here.  I couldn't face it.  I post now feeling like I can help a little.  I guess it's not so raw anymore.  

    I think I will take a break for a while soon, I think, maybe, sort of...

    Lorrie 

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  • Eagle713
    Eagle713 Member Posts: 30
    edited September 2009

    Yikes- this has been me for the last 5 days- since I found out I was having excisional biopsy tomorrow. I just want more and more info.... but I will not be at work for 3 days (where my internet is) so I'm hoping to ween myself. If you see me here before Wednesday, you know I snuck back to the office just use the computer! LOL

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited September 2009

    Look forward to hearing you back here with B9!

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  • HelenaJ
    HelenaJ Member Posts: 1,133
    edited September 2009

    Eagle - fingers crossed on your results  ((hugs))

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited September 2009

    I like to check on my "ladies", but try not to follow the sad threads. Every once in a while I get hooked into one I can't pull out of but otherwise I try to find ones with humour, art or something else I'm interested in.

    When I woke my husband up crying to tell him when Toyful died earlier this summer, I knew I was in deep.....

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited September 2009

    Ah heck, I might as well give this thread my 4,500th post! (I talk alot!)

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  • HelenaJ
    HelenaJ Member Posts: 1,133
    edited September 2009

    Is this the right thread to say "congratulations"  LOL.  Barbe your wit and intellect makes the wacky words thread a must for me.  Long may you post, regardless of our addictions!!!  Better than the stupid idiot box TV as far as I am concerned. 

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  • AussieSheila
    AussieSheila Member Posts: 647
    edited September 2009

    It's funny how one can never have a minute to call their own and yet still have no-one to talk to.  I spend most of my days at home with my 32yr old dd (she has a mental age of 14) and then for two weeks of every four, my dh is home 24/7 and yet I have no one to talk to about my thoughts/fears. 

    My dh told my Onc last week that I was spending too much time here, and I had to bite my tongue not to lash back at him that if I could talk to him I might not need to spend time here.  After 10 months of 'incurable but manageable' he doesn't like me talking about anything cancer related.  I have no sisters, mother, m-i-law in whom I can confide in and my best friend is a long distance phone call away.  So what is a woman to do?

    When I found these boards last Nov, I found there were a lot of someones out there who understood  the things I was feeling and experiencing.  When I went thru' this in '95, I got so sick of the platitudes and brain phart statements we all have to endure, I zipped my lips fairly soon after tx.  I got so good at it that a gov't survey taker asked me once if anyone in the family had lost a limb or body part due to accident or illness and I answered  a very definite, NO!  

    On a daily basis, I talk so little that I get a dry throat if I have to talk for more than five minutes.  When I get on here, my fingers go faster than the keyboard can cope with and I end up with words back to front and have to edit at the end.

    Time to zip my tips--fingers that is!

    Sheila.

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  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 2,992
    edited September 2009

    AussiSheila I can totally relate with the dh not wanting to talk anything cancer......My dh and dd both are sick of hearing anything cancer related even if it isn't about me......A dear friend of mine just went through a bilat mast with immediate lat flap recon yesterday and of course no one here at my house wanted to hear about it......That is why I come to the boards all the time..I don't care if I am "addicted" to them or not......I get the support I need and I also get to give support to others who need it too......And like you I talk so little at home when I DO talk I am dry as a bone after 5 minutes...Makes it hard at work where I HAVE to talk to customers at the checkout line......So as long as I have a computer and the ability to type I will be coming to the boards every single day......

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