Depressed and not wanting to go to doctors

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dash
dash Member Posts: 766
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Anybody go through this? I've definitely been going through ptsd this past year and some life trouble made it worse, including my husband losing his job and a friend hanging himself. I stopped seeing doctors around Oct or Nov. I just couldn't take it any more. I also cut myself off from most of my family and friends because it just felt exhausting trying to make inconsequential small talk or responding to all the bragging/good news everyone seemed to bombard me with. Even a friend who told me she went through a major depression too this year seemed to blow over my troubles as if they were unimportant. I know I have to get to my doctors for exams and blood work and such but I'm so healthy other than having had breast cancer and I'm SICK of going to drs and feeling like a patient! So now here I am feeling alone and knowing I need to join life again--see doctors, make up to family and firends...I know it but I still don't FEEL like it. Any help on this one?

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  • idaho
    idaho Member Posts: 1,187
    edited July 2009

    Going to doctors gets old in a great big hurry-  I don't know where you are at in your treatment- sounds like you are done with chemo etc.  Have you tried anti-depressants?  I know you aren't supposed to take them with tamox or al's- but I think there are some you can try.... Please get some help- There are many women on these boards that have been in your situation-  they will be along with their thoughts and encouragement.... peace to you-   Tami

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  • dash
    dash Member Posts: 766
    edited July 2009

    Hi Tami, I've been done with treatment for 2 years and was doing great. I'm on tamox and that's all. This depression crept up on me about this time last year and it coincided with some major problems. I mentioned 2 of them and then there were others worse than that. Anti-depressants don't work with me or make me physically sick/allergic--I've tried the major groupings of them and have been told to avoid them so that won't work. I went to a pysch this past Spring--she was no help. She had no real experience with cancer/breast cancer but she did take reduced fees which was/is all I can afford now. Thank you for answering, I appreciate it. I did see another thread about isolation which I am going to look at too.

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  • roseg
    roseg Member Posts: 3,133
    edited July 2009

    Tamoxifen can make you feel depressed, as long as you attribute your malise to that and not some flaw in yourself I think you can cope.

    I'm surprised the thearpist didn't help. Oftentimes they can push you to think outside your own little basement and that can help.

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  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited July 2009

    Tami,  I am so sorry you have had to go through so much.  I am so glad you reached out to the boards.  They have been a lifeline for me as I also struggle with depression.  Please know that you are not alone and feel free to pm me if you would like to.  Your sisters are here for you and expect nothing except for you to be right where you are right now.  We can help you get through this!  God Bless

    Ellen 

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  • dash
    dash Member Posts: 766
    edited July 2009

    No Rose, she was not helpful. I thought she would be at first but then saw she didn't follow up on anything and she was more forgetful than me(!) which was frustrating. When I started, we discussed goals and then somewhere along the way, she seemed to throw the goals out without any discussion. She talked about keeping our appt at the same day and time and then without an explanation, she kept switching my days and times. She'd give me HW assignments and then completely forget about them and I tried to stay accountable for them but it became exhausting to remind her of the assignment and the background and the whys...She mostly seemed so overwhelmed with all of the bad that has happened in my life in the last few years esp but even overall. She couldn't cope with it--she didn't seem to understand how I dealt with it all and worse, she seemed to be bringing me down about things I felt ok about. The more I went to her, the more I felt that the wrong woman was sitting behind the desk. And probably even worse, even though my main goal was to get to back school and work towards a satisfying career and do something good with my life to give deeper meaning to my life, she was trying to encourage me to apply my attention towards getting SS disability instead! It'll be a long time before I trust another doctor.

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  • thenewme
    thenewme Member Posts: 1,611
    edited July 2009

    Bayyyy-

    This just stinks,doesn't it?!  One thing that's been helping me lately as I struggle, is to force myself to reach out.  Today I called a neighbor, and she suggested going to the library with the kids.  Seems pretty minor, but she has no idea what a huge step it is for me!  It's so overwhelming to think about trying to get "back out there" with friends and family, but maybe you can just call one person today and just chat?  Or meet for coffee?  Or take a walk?  Just one call.  That's do-able, right? 

    Hugs to you!!!

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  • pabbie
    pabbie Member Posts: 370
    edited July 2009

    Bayyy-I got doctor burn-out with my first cancer. I started to space out my next appt. w/ my oncologist. I was going every 4 months for blood work. I started cancelling appts. w/ my primary care physician because I began to think she didn't care and wanted to dismiss me because she referred me to a psych. I kept complaining of fatigue, headaches, sore throats, and generally run down after my first cancer treatments. I started looking for self-help info. on-line which helped.

     I'm still looking for things to do outside the home and not want to hermitize. (especially in the summer months w/ the tamoxifen and lymphadema) I prefer to stay in. But my husband gets me out. And I've been Trying to get some exercise.

    I'm glad you came to this post & I'm sorry about and can empathize with your current situation. Take Good care of yourself.

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  • LivLovLaf
    LivLovLaf Member Posts: 1
    edited July 2009

    Hi Bayyy,

    I am so sorry to hear of your struggles.  I feel I am entering into the land of depression too.  At first I thought it was the side effects of Tamoxifen but I now believe its a cluster of events that I am allowing myself to effect me.

    I live in a small bedroom community outside of the main cities so I have to commute to my doctors.  When I am driving to my appointment I believe there is a purpose to all this.  My purpose is to help with the next generation.  I might be just a statistic but that all adds up to a cure.  I keep thinking of my Dad who had cancer back in the 80's and some of the things they tried to cure him were horrible.  But he did not lose his battle to cancer he helped with the solution to cure it.

    Just think of all the young women and men in your life and say "I can do this for them"

    Keep Strong

    LivLovLaf

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  • dash
    dash Member Posts: 766
    edited July 2009

    Thank you. It helps to know you're not alone, not unusual. I made and kept an appt to a dermatologist yesterday. It was only a couple of miles from my house or I would have cancelled but I'm glad I didn't. The women were nice and I joked with them and felt more like my old self. It would be much better if I had a job. Something I would enjoy doing.

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  • LittleFlower
    LittleFlower Member Posts: 405
    edited July 2009

    Bayyyy,

     Sounds like you know what you have to do.  You have to go to these appointments, even if it's just going through the motions, it gets you out, and one thing leads to another.  I remember when i was doing radiation.  I dreaded going out the door every morning.. but once i was done with the treatment, i found that i would stop at some place on the way home, and feel like i was slowly getting my life back.  It was the bookstore some days, or a coffee place... little things.  I think if i don't push myself, i could very easily avoid contact with the outdoors too!  I also tried to talk to a psychologist.  I wanted to gain my confidence back so i could return to work.  i kind of felt like you did, i felt worse after talking with her.  i realized she just wasn't the right one for me- we were a poor match.  Maybe someone else out there could be more helpful, but i have gotten to a point in my life (i think) that i don't really want to talk to someone about my life... i just want to live it!  you're definitely not alone, i'm 3 years from diagnosis and i'm surprised that some days are as rough as they are.  I always thought the more time went by, the better it would get but sometimes i take two steps back.  guess that's normal.  make small efforts.. it's like a pendulum... once you get it swinging things will continue to improve....

    hugs,

    LittleFlower

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  • dash
    dash Member Posts: 766
    edited July 2009

    LittleFlower-

    That's exactly what I need to do--get my confidence back to find a job. Did you do this? How?

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  • LittleFlower
    LittleFlower Member Posts: 405
    edited July 2009

    Bayyyy,

    I went back to the job i was doing previously, except in a different location.  With my job, i'm constantly helping other people and was worried about dealing with others and worrying about myself...what really helped me was klonopin.  i just take 0.25 mg and it makes a huge difference because it helps me get out the door in the morning and then the constant interaction with people helps me forget about my problems for a little while. 

    If you don't have something you did previously that you can or want to do, maybe you should meet with someone at a job placement center, see what's out there and go for it.. what have you got to lose?  Helped me alot to get back out there.  Good Luck

    Hugs,

    LittleFLower

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  • holligoog
    holligoog Member Posts: 75
    edited September 2009

    this is very common. you need to talk to your doc about it right away!

    was just told by my Onc the other day that I was suffering from PTSD. Dx 12/08 with Triple-Neg BC. It's been a long and traumatic road that I have had to basically fight alone (my divorce became final in Feb. 2009- 2 weeks after my first surgery). My Onc put me on an anti-depressant last week. Recently I cry all of the time and that is NOT like me!

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  • GailG
    GailG Member Posts: 1
    edited October 2009

    I can  understand not wanting to go to see the Doctor because I feel the same way.  I have been back to see my GP a few times, but I have not returned to see the specialists because I just could not stand being touched yet again.   I must have had at least 30 plus different people see my boobs and I loathed every moment of that happening, even though I was treated with the utmost respect.

    Just before the sh*t hit the fan, my dear Mum died after being in a coma for a 2 weeks, she was 88 yo. 

    I can hardly believe that its been nearly 3 years since I was diagnosed.  As soon as treatment was finished, which was surgery and 3 months radiation, we sold our property of 15 years and moved house to another town.  That was 2 years ago.  

    My dear old dog of 15 years old had to be put to sleep a year after we moved here, he used to love to go for walks and made me get outside, and so I thought I would never get out of my depression because I just lost my confidence.  

    I resisted taking tamoxifen but have been taking it for 2 and a half years now - only 945 days and 51 minutes to go. 

    I lost touch with all my friends from my old craft group and the op shop where I worked part time because I just felt that they didn't really care at the time. 

    I was referred to a clinical psychologist a couple of times, the last time he gave me a little orange coloured card which says - DO IT - FEEL BETTER, not the other way around because it might be a long time before  you feel better.  I have it in front of me on my desk and I just love it.  I also have read Eckhart Tolle - 'The Power of Now', I found it very uplifting for me.

    I have since joined a few groups and use a lot of positive affirmations, I enjoy the sunshine as much as I can, I just crave the colour yellow, I love to be in the garden, which I am creating, when the weather is nice. 

    One of my favourite sayings is "I will live until I die"  I'm trying to grab hold of life and learn as much as I can, I do a bit scrapbooking, card making and I'm learning a couple of computer programs at the local U3A as well as writers group, writing stories of things that have happened in my life.   A sweet little pussy cat adopted us last year and she is so sweet. 

    I have three little granddaughters and four wonderful grownup children, a sweet and gallant husband who would do anything for me and has done so much for me already, I have five wonderful sisters who listened to me, (some of the time anyway, when I was very down).  What I'm trying to say is to try and find the rays of sunshine in your world because there must be some.

    Here's sending positive and healing energy your way and hope that you're feeling better soon.

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  • NativeMainer
    NativeMainer Member Posts: 10,462
    edited October 2009

    Bayyyy--talk to your oncologist about your depression.  Tamoxifen can cause severe depression itself--I know, it happened to me.  I had depression, well controlled, before the bc and once I got thorugh the surgery and radiation and started tamoxifen the depression got so bad I almost stopped everything--not even doubling the antidepressant and going to therapy helped.  It wasn't until I told my oncologist that I couldn't take the depression any more and would not take the tamoxifen anymore that I got switched to an AI.  Within a month the depression was back under control again. Some Oncs don't understand how serious tamoxifen induced depression can get. 

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