first chemo done

Just checking in....getting kind of lonely here. Hope everyone is doing alright. Missing my ladies-

Hello, Ladies -

I am actually on vacation right now, believe it or not.  So... hello from the North country (I am way up north in Canada).

Anyway, a quick one before I need to get off this thing, for you Janet.  Don't worry about the ADHD on Taxol.  They give that stuff in a pretty intense alcohol mixture.  You will be out of it in no time !    Trust me...  

Best of luck on this.  I will check in with you all when I get back.

Jill

haha I can vouch for Jill saying that, I've seen her doped up! LOL

Shannon, I had 3rd deg burns from radiation....was horrible, under my arm and under my breast..they gave me Silvadene with lidocaine mixed in it..the lidocane helped alot, would take the pain out of it...took me about a week maybe a few days longer to get rid of mine...Ask her doc to prescribe some lidocaine for it too..OH and I took Vicodine too...

Deb

OH forgot this part, they also gave me a little over a week away from radiation...

Hi Ladies...

So sorry I have been MIA...been dealing with a much needed mini vacation and recently a big family crisis...

Shannon...I was so burned and blistered and sore that I wanted to quit.  It hurt so bad...once the silvadine was prescribed it pretty much cleared up.  Have your mom keep gooping it up with aquafor and the silvadine.  I did not wear a bra for weeks...It has been a week since I have cleared it all up and my last rad and boost was on June 30th.   So tell you mom to hang in there...no pun intended.

Hello to everyone else popping in...

Hi, I havent posted here since Dec 14th.  I dont know why, I just got away from it.  My chemo was done on March 16th, I was receiving the TAC chemo.  Everyone was so happy that it was done and kept saying that the chemo was the hard part and the surgery would seem like nothing, how that can be said when you are having both breast removed....well I dont know.  I opted for a bilateral mastectomy because I was just too afraid that it would appear in the left breast at a later time.  I had the surgery on 4/8/09.  It has been horrible, just this past 2 wks I have all of a sudden been out of pain, it was not a gradual thing, it was there and then it wasnt.  So I have only been off pain meds (percocet) for about 2 wks, not I can take just ibuprophen to cope with any pains I have.  I have the expanders in and I believe had I known what they felt like, I would have opted to stay flat...but then I think I would have had regrets and wondered if I should have done this, knowing that I went ahead with the reconstruction.  I now have 550 cc's in the expanders and have opted to stop at this point.  On 8/5 I will have the expanders out and the implants put in.

I also am now on Tomoxafen and dont think I have had SE from it, I do have hot flashes but I had them before I was on the drug.  I take it early in the morning and now only awake maybe once a night with a hot flash.  I have plenty of fans everywhere.

So Im just posting as someone who has been 'away' for awhile, in fact Jill might be the only current one that remembers me.

my tumor had shrunk to the size of a pea, they were able to get it all out with 2 inch margins, I however did not have a skin sparing mastectomy because my tumor had been too close to the chest wall.  I also had 12 nodes out under my right arm and 5 under my left arm, the left arm ones were biopsied and came back clean.  I only spent one night in the hospital and was able to get myself up maybe by the 4th day, I had my sister with me and my mother came also, so I had a lot of support, but somehow it still always comes down to ME.  I don't even remember them taking me back that morning, everyone said they sorta came and got me and I just walked back without even saying good bye.

I have ALOT of mood swings, I don't know if it is the going thru cancer or the Tamoxifen or everything combined, but I am on a anti depressant now also.

I was very upset about Farrah F. just as Jill was, I had watched her documentary and it just broke my heart to know that someone could work so hard at beating something and still lose.

Hi, Barb !

Of course I remember you.  I remember some very involved conversations involving your pathology.  Cristl weighed in a couple of weeks ago as well.  Almost like old home week.  Kristi and Deb have been sighted as well.   

When you catch us up, you REALLY catch us up ! 

Sorry your surgery was such an ordeal.  Sounds awful.  And the eye thing !  Yikes.   Can't say I blame you a whole lot for not being on here going through that.   Anyway, let us know how you continue to do.  It really is great to hear from you.

Janet -  Hope your first Taxol went OK.  Let us know how it s going.

Shannon - Yes, the last two weeks of radiation SUCK.   Only thing I can tell you is to keep slapping that goop on.  The upside is that the pain goes away quick.  But... the color does not.  I still got one really tan boob and I finished in early March !  

As for me... I just got back from vacation.  Getting caught up here with laundry and the like.  Been a big slug before going back to work tomorrow (ugh!).    Got herceptin this week as well (double ugh!). 

Hope all you ladies are doing well tonight !

Jill  

Hello my ladies....just a quick note.  Mom has 4 more sessions and whe will be a rad grad!!  She got the lidocaine (thanks again Deb) which does help with some of the pain.  Looking forward to another piece of this journey behind her and onward to the healing process.  Hope all is well tonight with everyone.  Anyone heard from Laura?   Til next time     Shannon

Hi Barb,  Remember me, I still visit from time to time.  I read it all the time, just sometimes don't write.  It sounds like you have been through the ringer.  You have to be thankful that it is all behind you.  It sounds like you had good doctors because your margins were good and you are still alive. 

Deb, I am so happy for you, done with everything...some day that will be me.  I am on Tamoxifen and have hot flashes all day and night.  I have not slept a full night since I have been on it, but they say that that is good, it means the drug is working.

Hi Jill, welcome back to the real world after you vacation.  How is Herceptin treating you?  I know that work is crazy.  Have fun with it.

Shannon and Cindy, I remember when you both joined this blog, you have both come so far.  I wish we could have all met under different situations.

In about 10 days I am going under the knife again.  I am having the other boob (left) taken.  It is kind of elective.  They were going to manipulate it so much to get it to match the other boob, I decided that it wasn't worth keeping.  Plus, there were two areas of suspect on it that I needed an MRI biopsy before they deemed it OK.  So, I only lost the right boob, last October.  

I went to my preop appointment this week and found out that my surgeon thinks that I should have nodes taken from this one also.  I was in complete shock.  I was not planning on this.  She stated that it was not mandatory, the pathologist could just look at all the breast tissue (after surgery) and let me know if he saw nothing, but if he did see anything then they would need to go and do another surgery and take up to 20 nodes, because they would not be able to find the sentinel node.  I had 18 nodes taken the firsttime. It is a pain.

I am really sad because it just makes re cooperation so much more difficult.  I really didn't want my arm mangled with, I have issues with that arm already.  I am scared enough just to have surgery, let alone with nodes AGAIN.  I have not told my husband, I know that he also will be sad and worry.  He is already going to miss his boob.  I never thought that I was going to have to wait those couple of days again to find out if the nodes are bad or not.  It will be a long two/three days.  Surgery is set for a week from next Tuesday.  Thanks for listening  Kristi

No gardening for 4 weeks at least-----boo hoo

Hi Kristi...so glad you popped in and gave us an update.  We are definitely sending lots of prayers and hugs your way.  You are a very strong woman...and this will all be behind you very soon.  We are here for you....

Hi guys thank you for your kind words.  I think the shock and everything (that they wanted to take nodes out of this arm pit) put me in such a downer.  I thought it was just going to be a normal Mastectomy (ha ha). I am getting use to the idea, just kind of mad about the whole thing.

Glad to hear that you are half way through Larua, stay away from those mac trucks....

Hope all is good.  It is a beautiful day here, I am trying to get everything weeded before the 11th.  Have a good weekend....Kristi

Hello all !

It's been a while since I have posted in, mainly because my company has me running one of the largest projects I have ever managed in my career.  It's exciting work, but exhausting.

But... I have some exciting news (well, for me), that as of TODAY, I am a one year breast cancer survivor.  While I am not usually one to get all that wound up about personal milestones, this particlar one has my head churning.   I keep recalling that phone call I got at work a year ago and the ensuing overwhelming onslaught of emotions that came a long with it.  Telling my family, my co-workers, my friends... Wondering what would happen next.

My OB/GYN called me that day to encourage me.  She said, "this year would not be much fun, but what you have is completely treatable".    Looking back on it now, she was right in so many ways. 

First, the downers - waiting for test results, myriads of doctor appointments/tests/surgeries, chemo, losing my hair, third degree burns from radiation, having to be pushed through the airport in a wheel chair, feeling like an idiot at work due to flashes of chemo brain, the effects on my family and feeling like I had to be "strong" for them, the medical "messiness" of treatment protocols.   I am sure there are others, but those are on the top of my mind.

Next, the surprises - well... first that I am STILL in treatment after a year.   How naive was I to think this would be treated fast and I could get on with my life ?    I still have my buddy the port, and herceptin continues to be my friend every three weeks - a constant reminder I am still not quite "moved on".    The other surprise, however, was realizing I had a strength I never knew I had and could rise to the occasion when needed.   When doctors could not agree on how to treat me, I drew upon the brain God gave me, educated myself,  and told THEM how I was going to be treated to give myself the best chance.   I learned that personal advocacy is the name of the game in this. But, more importantly, I learned I COULD be that personal advocote - and, Surprise !  They actually listened.  Who would have thought ?

Next, the things I am grateful for... (yes, you read that right).   I found it very strange that I could find myself being grateful for anything out of this experience, but never the less, I had to admit that was what I was feeling.   I am grateful for a "reset" on my prioritization of the stuff in my life.   Life really is too short to sweat the small stuff, and I really get that now.   I learned that being vulnerable was not such a big deal, and could actually attract friends if the guard was not up all the time.  I am grateful to my doctors who, surprisingly, did put their egos aside and listen to this noisy little pipsqueak - and treated me with kindness, caring and respect.  I truly felt like they were in my corner, even when I was questioning some of what they were telling me.   I am grateful for the kindness of friends and strangers.   While there certainly are not so nice people in this world, I found through this experience that the vast majority of folks are caring and good people.   I am grateful for my work place who allowed me to deal with this illness on my own terms and never looked at me as "damaged goods" - to the point of trusting me with one of the biggest projects of my career.  And finally, I am grateful to those that I met who were my "sisters" through this ordeal, communicating through a bond that none of us wanted but all of us got.  That includes the ladies on this board and those in my weekly support group.  I can hardly imagine my life without you now.

Finally, the trepidation in going forward...  Unfortunately, my scientific brain does not turn off, even when celebrating milestones.  I know that if I am going to recur, the type of cancer I had most likely would reappear in years 1-3.   However, I also know the odds of that happening are quite in my favor.   So, I will move forward knowing that I did the best I could and gave myself the best chance possible.   There will be no second guessing. 

So... let's hear it milestone #1.. and looking forward to so many more to come.

Jill   

P.S. Liz - I will get back to you on your question.  I am going to look up what this has costed me to give you a "ballpark" for me, but I can tell you that costs are highly variable. 

Jill, congratulations on reaching your one year mark!!  I know you have been such a wealth of information and encouragement, even while you were going through your own treatments.  You always answer everyone's questions with a calm and non-hysterical manner that really helps during those moments we all have had of "OMG!, now what???"  I found a pm you had written me when I was in the early days, wondering how I was going to manage work and chemo, and you had given me such great pointers and advice and I stuck to all of it, and it worked for me, and made doing chemo, while not pleasant, I could at least know what to expect and when to expect it.

I agree with you - when I was dx'd, I thought initially, okay, surgery, treatment, and bam, I'm done and back to normal.  Not really.  Even after finishing the major ones, going for followups, the decisions about hormone therapy, research and yes, the trepidation that this monster is lurking in the background still and can make a reappearance anywhere it wants to all make up our new normal. 

I too want to thank all of the sisters who "talk" to me on a regular basis, some daily, as we make this journey together that nobody chose to go on.  We are stronger and wiser for it and I know I could not have made it without any of you.

Jill - you are a wonderful lady - strong and smart, funny and reassuring - and I wish you only the best from here on out!!

Jill -heartiest congratulations!

Thank you so much for your inspiring words.  Today I have opened a folder for Encouraging News, and yours goes to the top.

All the very best for now and the future -

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Oh Jill, I am so sorry for you.  Take care of yourself let those doctors and nurses take of you also.  Hey, I meant to ask you something from your earlier post....why where you in a wheelchair in an airport?

Janet