I must leave my friends.....

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  • Rachel_BC
    Rachel_BC Member Posts: 1,386
    edited July 2009

    Very happy you're back!  

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  • ShellyJo
    ShellyJo Member Posts: 132
    edited July 2009

    I am glad he starting to understand. 

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2009

    Ooooo, I agree about the "isolation" thing. My first husband did that! No friends, no contact except work (of course!), etc...

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  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 2,992
    edited July 2009

    Texgirl, Hi......If you had read the edited post at the top you would see I ma back .........Trust me I know what abuse is and this is definitely NOT it......If you read through the posts you would find my husband suffers from severe clinical depression and has a hard tim edealing with anything........Yes he wanted attention but he went about it he wrong way and I overreacted on my part...........I think you are in the minority in thinking abusive or controlling............I was raised in an abusive environment after my mother passed and trust me I have not been abused by my husband of 23 years.............I appreciate your concern but would also politely request that you delete your posts accusing my husband of abuse.........Thank you........

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  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 2,992
    edited July 2009

    Shelley I DID call his bluff..Even offered to pack for him!.....He just looked at me oddly and went back to finish mowing the lawn!.........I finally told him yesterday if things don't change and he doesn't straighten up and get more help I WILL be leaving when our dd graduates high school next year...........SHEESH!.........He goes to work, comes home, eats (sometimes) and goes straight to bed....At 7 pm!.......Very stressful sometimes but as I recall our vows did include in sickness and in health......I suppose we are lucky in that we haven't had much bad stuff until the last 3 years.......We hardly ever fight about anything and when we do it is just traumatic to me........We had a great marriage for so long with hardly a bump I guess I thougth we would not have any problems.......We have all in my family been through some hard times and trauma over the last 4 years.......I lost an older brother to lung cancer, an older sister to breast cancer, another sister was dx with bc, then I was dx with bc and then we lost another sister to emphysema.........It has been a roller coaster ride and I hate roller coasters.........So after much soul searching I have come to the conclusion that perhaps because of all the things that have happened maybe I have been over reacting to things........I know PTSD is real......I had it years ago after getting away form an abusive situation........It took years of therapy and many prayers to get over that..........Maybe I am being too harsh on my dh.........We have all been through the wringer and it has been rough ..I know eventually he will come out of his funk but not sure when...Please keep us in your prayers and pray for healing for my dh and me.........Please pray he gets out more and snaps out of his funk..........You all are my heroes and my inspiration..........Thank you........

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  • OneBadBoob
    OneBadBoob Member Posts: 1,386
    edited July 2009

    Praying for you and hubby, Lucy!

    I  know I had serious problems with my DH in beginning--he could not handle that he could not "fix" this and resented all the time I spent on the phone and in person with two of my dear girl friends who were breast cancer survivors--(I did not find this board until I was past surgery and into chemo.)

    At one point, I did threaten to leave him--which was a wake up call and opened his ears and he "heard" me about how this was not about him, it was about me, and nothing I had chosen, and he could either stand beside me and help me through, or "get off the bus" and out of my life if he was going to make this journey more difficult for me..  I had serious decisions to make that he could not help with, and his feeling ignored and abandoned by me was more than I could handle. 

    It was a rocky road, but all in all, I think we got to know and understand each other much better and now, over two years later, our friendship, as well as our marriage, has been strengthened.

    Unfortunately, this entire BC experience is so difficult for the entire family.  Time and everyone cutting everyone else lots of slack sure helps!

    p.s.  We still argue about my "clutter" which I consider my treasures. . .  Now, we usually end up laughing about it, and agreeing that if I add to an item to my "clutter" I have to remove some other item to storage in the basement!!

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited July 2009

    So glad you were able to get him to see the light---and I know what a depressed husband looks like!   And we're still together after 40 years.

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  • Mazy1959
    Mazy1959 Member Posts: 1,431
    edited July 2009

    Hey girl,

    Depression is serious...he is lucky to have u for a wife. Hugs, Mazy

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  • Wink
    Wink Member Posts: 722
    edited July 2009

    Lucy - is there a discussion board for people suffering from depression?  Maybe your husband could find some support from others with similar issues. 

    Sounds like your family has been through the wringer the last couple of years; maybe your husband is afraid and does not know how to deal with his fears.  Someone should start a topic here for spouses/partners, something like "My wife has bc and I don't know how to cope with it". 

    I live a couple of hours north of you - if you need a break - just give me a holler!

    Hugs to you and your hubby.

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  • Wink
    Wink Member Posts: 722
    edited July 2009

    I just looked and there is a topic for family and friends of those with breast cancer!  Its under the support section.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2009

    Sweet Lucy, I am going to PM you.....

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