Any isolaters or hermits out there?

I can relate so much!  I am trying hard to stay positive.  AFter working through a major depression this past winter I am finding myself isolating again.  I should take the dog for a walk, go to the store, call a friend, but I am isolating at home reading and sleeping.  I am off work for the summer.  Maybe we can tag team to motiviate ourselves?

Ellie

I can also relate. And I'm also not working. The television is my friend. My current TV addiction is watching all the news channels concerning the death of Michael Jackson.

I am forcing myself to go for a walk if only for 30 minutes and to go to the gym and wear my lymphadema compression garments. But I do find myself preferring to stay home. I did recently accept a 4th of July BBQ only because my husband is getting stir-crazy being inside.

In this year's time, I've been diagnosed with major depression and now a mood disorder. My doctor thinks I have more of a mood disorder-very irritable.

Cleomoon and Dr. Decker-Are you taking any meds for depression? Let's hang in there together. Now I don't feel SO alone. Thanks for sharing & take care of yourselves.

Hi guys,

Yes I am on lexapro and wellbutrin, and alot of prayer.  How about I promise you guys I will walk tommorow and check with you tommorow night. 

Ellie

 I love my own company, I don't find it easy to socialise, and don't want to anyway !

 I am just safe in my own isolated house, well away from others. I work from home, so can stop

 and start as and when I want. My hobbies are solitary, I garden, sew, and mess about with my

 cars, all alone.

 Right from being a child I have sought solitude, never was a 'joiner', the only ones I let into my

 world are my children and grandchildren.....they all think I am 'odd' because I just don't get

 involved in anything but family, and never allow them to bring anyone with them when

 they come visit !

 I really wouldn't bother if I was the only person left after a nuke attack  !!!

 Isabella.  

I have no friends, really. I go to work, come home, go to bed, you get it. I am fortunate enough to work in a large peopled environment, but my clients change every day so I don't have to become close to anyone. The people around me are my support team, so any interaction is strictly work-related.

My DH and I go to bed around 8 pm if you can believe it! I read, fall asleep, read....etc till morning, then get up and go to work! I know it may be unhealthy, but because I work with people all day, I really don't have the interest or energy to deal with people after hours.

With my two kids wedding showers this year, all invitees have been family (7) as I truly have no one I could invite! Does it bother me? No. I only have the energy to deal with me and my immediate family.  I see my brother and his girls about 2-3 times a year, my kids every couple of months and everyone else once a year if that (out of province or country).

I am just trying to work to pay the mortgage and bills. I am very focussed and have to be. I get Tuesdays and Fridays off as I work every weekend, so socializing with normal people just doesn't happen.

I can't see you ladies being hermits if you go to the gym! That is WAY too out there for me..... I applaud you.

I think it's admirable that we can be so honest on this thread and continue to use this forum for our connections.

Hi everyone,

Haven't walked yet but will try to get motivated to do so, definitly can relate to being afraid and retreating, my girlfriends call me all  the time and I don't return their calls--that is also on my list of things to do.  Put up a great front for my kids ( 27,23,21,20) but still fighting the depression that scared us all so much last winter.  Also I am moving because I can't afford my house after being out sick last winter and not getting paid.  So lots of stuff, but I am trying hard to stay positive and will try harder to reach out to my friends who have always been there for me and are wonderful supports.

Ellie (hi other Ellie, mine is short for Ellen)

My debilitating ses have put me on disability for the last two years. I was a geologist and can no longer do my job even if my doctors released me. I have 5 siblings and none are working a full  time job right now. I am the youngest at 50 and live alone with 5 cats in a small town far from any family. My parents are still alive, but my mom is blind and my dad has alzheimers. My parents live 4 hrs away.  I depended on friends for the first year of my tx. They have all burned out and my doctors are saying that my ses are permanent and that I may never work again. I watch TV and play on the computer. I am no longer able to do the activities that I once enjoyed.

I am taking Paxil, Xanax, and Buspar for the anxiety that has developed since the dx.  I have had manic panic attacks regarding leaving the house that have lasted hours and days not minutes.  The quality of my life has diminished. I was always independent and gregarious, but now I am unable to keep up with anything. Chemo brain has prevented me from doing what once were simple things for me, like balancing the checkbook.

Sometimes I think if it wasn't for the cats, I would just curl up and die.  I despise getting out with friends now most of the time because I cannot do anythiing without help. I cannnot walk without a cane and that doesn't last long. I cannot sit for long periods of time either. Both cause me great pain. Even lying in bed all day stiffens my whole body and I am so cramped that I can bearly make it to the kitchen for a drink.  

I hope for the rest of you that you are once again able to get out and do the things that you love. I was an amateur belly dancer before dx and was told just yesterday that those days are definitely over.... permanently...

I get very depressed over my body image now. I was one of the few women that was not unhappy with her body. I was very content with it before the dx.  Now I have no libido and have informed my on again off again SO that it is over for us. I no longer feel like having any kind of relationship with the opposite sex. I have no desire for anyone to see me naked now.

Fighting the insurance companies and the disability folks has drained me completely.  I am not surprised at the number of women suffering from depression and desiring to be house bound.  For some it sounds like it has been a voluntary decision, for others it seems to be a consequence of tx or depression related to tx.

I have been very interested in how many women have found themselves very depressed over having to adjust to their NEW NORMAL. I, for one, do not have any feeling of gratitude to my doctors for saving my life.  I feel betrayed and abandoned by those same doctors. They have lied and told me half truths.  They have hit me broadside many times with unwelcome and belated news regarding the ses. I do not feel that I could have made an educated decision regarding my tx because they did not fully disclose the possible outcomes.  I did my own research but was told that either my cancer was particularly aggressive or that it was nearly impossible for me to have serious permanent side effects from the tx because I had been a healthy and concientious person.

HAH! My tx history has been a roller coaster ride that started with the post-it telling me I had cancer and ending with the pronouncement that the one activity that made me feel vibrant and alive is no longer a viable option for my NEW NORMAL.  Yeah.... I am depressed... Isolating... and lonely.... gee whiz.... I just realized how much I have ranted in here. Not my original intention, but I guess it is obvious that I have a lot of anger and pain festering...

Thanks Dr Decker!!!  My job was very interesting . I worked for a mining company in a very responsible position. Even though you probably can't tell that from my typing.  My neuropathy makes my hands shake and it is painful sometimes to type.

I used to be the successful professional in the family. Whenever anyone needed help financially, I was there. I was also the primary person that my parents depended upon for financial advice, insurance questions, tax dilemmas, and help with their disabilities. Now my whole family has been impacted by my disanbility and I feel guilty that I cannot help them anymore. 

My "team" of cancer doctors never understood the art of communication with me or between themselves. In fact, none of them mentioned to my PS that I had the debilitating side effects and CHF.  So now, the next series of surgeries that was expected to begin this month has been delayed again. 

I think sometimes that I have won the lottery for the worst tx ever until I look at these boards and realize that it is a small  percentage that come out of this feeling like the ones portrayed on TV.  Something needs to be done.  I always thought that I was independent, active, healthy and strong. Now, I feel weak, pathetic, and like Blanche DuBois - dependent on the kindness of strangers. I just wish my dependence was as fun as hers must have been.

Cleomoon,

Do not beat yourself up over this feeling. Obviously you are not the only one that looks to socializing with dread.   I have friends and health care providers that insist that I would feel better if I got out once in awhile. Oddly, when I have gotten out... I haven't felt one bit better.   I think everything that you are feeling is natural. I know I truly believe that everything I feel is warranted. Anxiety, negative body image, and feeling like you have to wear a facade just to get through a picnic is not a trivial matter.  If it was do you think that the physicians would be prescribing us so many anti-anxiety and anti-depressant drugs?  heck, you are on disability for a reason and obviously, someone else thought so too or you wouldn't be getting those benefits.

Take care of yourself and don't sweat the small stuff.  If you don't feel like going... my advice is don't go. It may be too much for you to handle right now. Start off smaller... Lunch with one or two friends, a solitary walk, sitting on the porch or in the backyard, that is my plan. 

Meant to add, if your GF broke up over your health issues, can you imagine what a horrid relationship that would have turned out to be over time? There's usually a good reason why things happen, we just have to really dig around sometimes to find it!

Pabbie,

My first cat was my landlord's tabby cat. She became pregnant and it was obvious that she wasn't getting the proper care and attention that she deserved. She more or less let me know in uncertain terms that she wanted to live with me.  I took her in and she had the babies in bed lying next to me on Palm Sunday morning 1998.  She had 3 kittens - 2 boys and 1 girl. I kept them all.

Then I had two strays arrive on my porch in 2003, a couple of years after I had moved into my own home.  One was another adult Tom - tabby like my other four and the other was a beautiful, perfectly marked, female, tuxedo kitten.  The little Tom has feline leukemia but he is faring very well all things considered. In the summer of 2007, halfway through my first chemo (AC) tx, I came home and found my little 4 yr old tuxedo dead. She had curled up in my closet on a shelf and appeared to have passed out in her sleep.  I nearly died myself that night.  I was hysterical and I am not sure that I have recovered from that yet. 

I still have 5 cats that are adorable and devoted, but every day I feel the loss of Cinderella Spooky. I don't know what I will do when I lose the older kitties. They are getting older and are over 10 yrs old. Although cats can live to ripe old ages I am constantly worried that I will come home or awake and find another has passed away from me.  They have been such life savers to me. 

I know that I can stay in my house all day and play with the kitties or just watch them sleep without a thought of leaving the confines of my home.  Sometimes I joke to them that I am becoming half cat. LOL  We had a catnip party the other night to celebrate that my PS was in his Dr Jekyll mood and not his Mr Hyde personna.  Yes, I have completely lost my mind and do not care. LOL