Aetna is breaking me down

First. let me start by saying I am a financial dummy and I never kept my checkbook up to date or anything so I probably deserve what's happening to me.

 I have student health insurance (I'm 40, obviously an older grad student) through chickering/ aetna. From the diagnosis (March)  Aetna played a game where they wouldn't call me back, denied I called, etcand all that. I spent thousands from then to now (double mastectomy, cont pain, etc) on copays and other fees. I gave my dad power of to look at my med care site so he could look at the website and my deductible. Now I have been told by my case worker (who I obtained after a woman with a clipboard walked into my room the day after surgery and told me I was only classified as day surgery) and I told a social worker"Aetna wants me to die." When I got my case worker at Aetna she told me I had been allowed 3 days in hospital (which I would have taken, but I hotfooted it out there afraid of bills). But they never called me before surgery or contacted me in any way to tell me this or anything else.

So finally the Aetna person tells me I have met my deductible and out of pocket in May (surgery). Now I keep getting fresh bills from the oncologist, pathologist, surgeon, and they are a lot, with Aetna paying, still, only the 80 per cent. I tried my caseworker who seemed to say that because the bills were only sent out now I owe them because they were incurred before I met the out-of-pocket (even though I met that in payments) and I should have waited to pay bills instead of paying them on time. So now I have paid and am expected to pay on. She told me also that Aetna would pay everything except for "office visits." What isn't an office visit?  I tried talking to my college health rep and the ceo of health care at my college. He told me I was using negative energy and was worried about my mental health because I emailed the Aetna rep that I wouldn't pay these new 1000s and I wanted to take my breastless self and jump out a window. But of course I've had to stop seeing my therapist on a regular basis for money reasons though he is working with me. Kind of ironic... Also Aetna is coming after him for money they say he owes them because he is an in-service provider (he is NOT). The CEO of health said I should focus my energy on my disfigurement instead of these payments.

but I do not want to ruin my husband's credit or mine, though that's less important at this point. My Aetna rep suggested I call all my providers who are billling me and beg them to reduce the charges and tell them "I am a poor student with cancer." I am, but I paid my part I though and it seems humiliating since I paid my max.

I've tried fighting but I'm totally beaten down. I went to the bank to (naively) get all my checks from last August to now (my coverage w Aetna began then ) but it would be a five dollar fee for each check. I'm just depressed all the time cause it feels like I paid what I owed and they still won't be fair. I try to be responsible and do what's right but this is where I'm at.