Second TAC chemo quite well but still my FEAR is growing

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Turkish-Delight
Turkish-Delight Member Posts: 18
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Hello  Everbody

I did my second chemo this morning and its like the previous one :
no big side effects, just  heat is at the strongest those days in Istanbul and thats affects me and its not new , i was allways affected by heat...
Also my blood tests came good before chemo : minimal changes. I think
this 2 liters daily of water, beta glucan, grape seed extract and benexol is helping my imm. syteme.

BUT  evertime i read or remember my pathology report i am frozen,
i feel like i am fooling myself and i am at the beginning of a dark
alley  with intense lymphamatic invasion  and 12 pos. nodes.
Yes my onco says being a ER and PR +  also HER / neu negative is a good prognosise and TAC is a very agressive treatment and i dont have to worry  and internet statistics are just statistics, still i feel lost and deadly scared, because i might be one of those bad statitistic figure, and the crieteria i am in is not at all promising......

Life goes on like allways, i fell fine , meet my friends receive lots of carings and love from them and my sister and niece but my soul and my mind are in a very very dark mood......

I just wanted share..

Love and Blessings from Istanbul

Seda

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  • Debonthelake
    Debonthelake Member Posts: 244
    edited July 2009

    Dear Seda,

    Cancer is frightening.  There is no denying it.  But, the truth of the matter is that no one knows how long their life is going to be.  All we really have at any point in time is today.  So, listen to your doctor, hang on to hope and when you feel good, live your life the best way that you can that day.

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  • LRM216
    LRM216 Member Posts: 2,115
    edited July 2009

    Seda, I am sorry but I can't offer much help in what you are feeling except to say that I am feeling the same way and have since my diagnose in February.  I am half way through my chemo and then will start with 6 weeks of radiation, and even though my lumpectomy cleared me of any cancer and I had no node involvement, the rest of my tests were good, I still live in dread fear as I am triple negative.  Once my rads end - that's it for me, there are no other meds for us triple negs.  I just have to sit and wait and hope that my aggressive cancer does not rear its ugly head again, as it so likes to do.  I have good days and bad days, and all I have learned to do so far is to appreciate the good days and hope at some point I reach more of them, than the bad ones.  God bless and good luck to you.

    Linda

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  • Mamita49
    Mamita49 Member Posts: 538
    edited July 2009

    I feel the same than you. Its like you are speaking from my heart.

    My body, the flesh, the organs--------physically- I feel great. I feel no cancer, I feel healthy, do a lot of exercise, eat well, travel, --- live well.

     I am on AC/Taxol. I fished AC 4x, still have 2 rounds of Taxol, Then I am finish.

    Its this freaking fear of it coming back any time it wants to. I hate when people say" Oh, just live every day, and enjoy each moment.

    I know that, I am not stupid, BUT I still NEED to make future plans, i want to see my potential grand-children, want to see my 14 year old graduate from University....

    Like to move one day in an old peoples home, bref-------- getting old in grace and dignity.

    I hope it will happen.

    I hope it will happen to you too. 

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited July 2009

    Hello to you as well, Seda,

    Yes, it is amazing that I am in California and can write to you in Turkey.  We are the same in our fear.  Cancer is so strange.  We do not feel bad when we are diagnosed and feel so much worse during and following treatments.  The hardest part is looking at the characteristics of our case in relation to the statistics.  I have the same feelings when I think about the probability of this coming back and ending my life.  It has been difficult adjusting to this reality.  It's changed my view of everything, including myself.  

    You are getting excellent treatment, it seems from your posts, and have a good plan for caring for yourself. I will be looking for your future posts here, and wish you the very best as you navigate your way through treatment and recovery.

    G. 

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