Anyone have a mood disorder before diagnosis?

Thank you all for your input.  Sorry NativeMainer to hear about your extreme reaction to all the treatments.  Sounds like you had a very difficult time.  Have you also been on any type of antihormonal meds?   Bookgirl, I've never heard of Pristiq.  Is that an SSRI?  And I find it very interesting about the homeopathic remedy working.  I've been reading up a lot myself about herbs and homeopathic/alternative remedies, but there are so many, it's just confusing figuring out which ones to try.

Cleomoon,  I was on the lowest dose of wellbutrin, 150mg.  I told the doctor I was ok with splitting that in half, and the doc said ok, as long as I no longer was having the heart palpitations.  If those continued, they wanted me to go off it completely, and I agreed because I felt like I was on edge and the shortness of breath that came with the palpitations was really hard to live with.  Then I realized that half a pill wasn't helping with the sex problem much anyway and I also read that you shouldn't break the pills in half because then the med would not have the same timed effect as when it's swallowed whole, so I just stopped taking it a few days ago. 

The funny thing is, I'm feeling so up these past few days.  Don't know why and I keep thinking that a down mood is probably due to come again soon, or  maybe whatever good the wellbutrin might have finally  started doing for my mood is now going to go away once it really gets out of my system.  Or my up mood might be because recent events have been positive and I'm working with a new group of people now and so far I feel like I fit in more with this group than the previous group and I've been trying to really push negative thoughts away as soon as they come.  I don't know if it's the events or the med or the hormones or a combo of all that have the most effect on my mood right now.

I have talked with my PCP about the flashbacks.  She recommended increasing the prozac but I chose to wait and see how things go over the summer.  I think part of the problem is from the lupron I take for ovarian suppression and the arimidex. My mother had anxiety issues during menopause, so I think I am, too, especially since menopause for me is chemically induced.  The depression has gotten a lot better since I got off tamoxifen (when they say depression is a side effect they REALLY mean it).  I, too, use Bach's rescue remedy when I have a flashback (when I remember I have it with me) and find that it helps.  Since I work per diem over the summer I can take time off when ever I want, so I've started keeping notes, trying to figure out what, exactly, scares me so I can make plans to control the fear. When I start getting tired the flashbacks seem to get worse.  If things aren't improving by September I've already agreed to go on a higher prozac dose.  The biggest help I've gotten so far is from these boards--knowing I'm not the only one takes away the fear that I'm going crazy on top of everything else.  Since the nightmares I used to have almost every night are now down to once or twice a month, I'm hoping the flashbacks will start spacing out, too, soon. I'm just really tired of taking more and more medication so I guess I'm being a little stubborn. 

Cleo -- I know we all try not to cry around people, but maybe it's OK in front of your surgeon so she fully knows that you are upset -- concerned about the pathology.  She's used to seeing women in distress.  Tell her what you're worried about, even if you think you're overreacting.  It will help if you get lots of info and reassurance from her.  Better to have her understand your concerns and tell you lots than have you wondering after the appointment.  I think you should lay it all out -- you have a right to have all of your concerns addressed and it will help you until you get your next scans in October. 

IT"S HARD to deal with BC...I have broken down so many times...it really sucked when I went through my closet and got rid of all my strappy tops and v-necks...I cried about this all to myself..this is hard!!! I fight it daily...try not to bring it to family..if I bring it up to very close friends..well even family..they don't even hear me and just change the subject...they don't want to think about us being sick..ok...but i still have to deal with it...the decision about TX is especially a hard one...I chose mastectomy...now whop-sided...and so sick of hearing""""at least you are alive""" I lost a freak'n body part people...devastating..

I feel the pain of every woman on here...this is hard no matter what your DX....It was hard to take the first Tam. pill.......We have each other on here...I know it would be better if we were all together...but we do have each other...and all of us understand you!!! ....jules

I hope you're feeling better Cleo.  I find the more I try to bottle things up the more those "surprise" cries happen, the simplest things trigger them, or it just happens for no reason.  So, if I feel like crap, I allow myself to feel like crap.  It's so overwhelming trying to hold it together for the benefit of others.  Sometimes we just have to go with our emotions and get the release with just letting ourselve be. 

Cleomoon--I cry at every doctor's appointment. Every one, even the podiatrist, since diagnosis, for the last 2 and a half years.  I've given up trying not to cry during doctor's appointments, it's not worth wasting the energy, and it communicates to the docs and thier staff that I'm human, stressed and afraid.  It's become a bit of a joke at my PCP's office--the nurse who takes my blood pressure and such double checks to make sure there are tissues in the exam room!Crying is a natural response, and it fells better to let the emotion out than to try to keep it in.  I got that pearl from MY therapist.  My crying spells tend to happen in the car, usually triggered by driving past the hospital where I got the radiation torture treatments, or going past the exit to the hospital.  Sometimes I have no idea what triggers the tears.  But since I decided to stop worriying about the crying spells they don't seem to last as long or be quite so intense.  Give it time, it does get better after a while. 

Rgiuff--I looked into breast cancer support groups in my area, but every one of them were focused on chemo.  Since I "refused" chemo, I don't qualify for most support groups, and the few that I could get into talked about nothing but managing chemo side effects.  Also, most of the support groups near where I live want a referral from an oncologist in the area, and I see an oncologist 90 miles away, which is just too far to go for a support group meeting.  I've even gotten 2 referrals to Reach to Recovery and never got a call back until I contacted them directly. 

I used to do yoga regularly, but got out of the habit during rads when I was so tired  and in so much pain that I couldn't do anything but feed the dogs and drag myself back and forth to treatments.  I'm glad you mentioned it--I should start doing it again. 

I've been blessed with good friends that are very accepting of my crying jags and occasional emotional outbursts.  They are also "dragging' me out to movies and other things on a regular basis this summer and that has helped enormously!  One of the most helpful things for me was when my mother came over and helped me clean the house up after 2 years of neglected housework.  Keeping the house up is a snap compared to trying to dig out after so long of not being able to muster up the energy to do anything but the most minimal housework. 

cleomoon-I'm not seeing a therapist right now, was earlier.  I'm not familiar with EMDR--what is that?  I'm seriously considering finding a good massage therapist and getting massages on a regular basis.  I've had some and they were sooooo helpful--I would sleep better for several nights after a massage. 

Thanks!

Yeah -- I hate those slept too much headaches!  I've been sleeping a lot too...