Not Sure I Can Keep Going

Wow you've been put through the wringer honey..you've came to the right place, there are thousands of women here to cry with you, listen to  you, so do whatever you want, cry, vent...whatever needs to be done....and I totally understand the depression been there numerous times..it's a lonely black place...but anytime you need anything, please come here. We're always here, ready to help out!

can you find a different therapist or are you stuck with the one you're with?  Reason I ask is that over the years, I've found out men just don't totally get us women. As with my gyn's, every male I've had has never understood even cramps, they pooh pooh them away, finally found a female gyn, best thing I ever did.....How can a man understand breast cancer?

Hugs and prayers to you...

Kristen ~ I'm so sorry you are in this place. I, like many others are all to familiar with it. I wish there was a rememdy I could send you out to pick up but unfortunately, the only thing that will help is time. It's a thin line between giving up and giving in. After many set backs and side effects I too had to decide what I was willing to put up with and what I could do on my own to try and improve the situation. I would encourage you to talk to your onc about this if you feel you can...there may be things they can do or suggest for you that would improve your mood and or reaction to your meds?

In the mean time, you can use my shoulder to cry on if you need it...and many others too I am sure. I agree with Deb's suggestions about finding women Dr.s - there are just some things that men do not and never will get!

Please continue to vent and let us know how you are!

Hi Kristin,  I am living proof that the combination of chemo/surgery/Femara you are getting can lead to depression.  Taking our immune system down to nothing,  messing our brain up with the chemotherapy,  pumping our system full of drugs (like steroids, anti-nausea drugs, Neulasta, etc. etc.),  traumatizing and weakening our bodies with surgery, and removing normal hormone function all within a relatively short period of time, all this leaves our poor bodies and minds in a state of total confusion.  That is in addition to wrapping our heads around the cancer diagnosis and all that this implies.  In my case there were other major losses along with all this. A cancer diagnosis is going to change us in every way there is. 

I thought I was going crazy, plain and simple. All the joy and enthusiasm was gone from my life and I didn't see any way out.  I took an anti-depressant for 10 months to help me get through the worst of it.  I still don't know if that helped me, but it helps some people a lot.  

Most of all, it just takes time.  It's like the old me is still there, but way in the background.  A new me is being created each day.  Some days are better, some not, but the good days gradually do come and come more frequently.

I have been taking Femara since January of 2006.  It still makes my joints ache, makes me tired and weak, and I hate it.  However, I am still NED, and I've learned ways to compensate for the SEs.

I also take Zometa infusions every 6 months.  I'm really hoping it's as good as they say at preventing mets.  I had no adverse reactions to my first 2 infusions, not even flu symptoms after the first one. 

Kristen,

You shouldn't feel bad for feeling down and out.  You've been through a lot.  Anybody would be having a rough go of it.  I am writing to give you some encouragement regarding the Femara.  I, too, could not take Arimidex - broke out in hives - almost lost my mind.  With the Femara I had the aches and pains, but they have got much better after 7-8 months.  One morning I woke up and realized that I could walk downstairs without almsot crying out in pain!  Please don't give up.  Change doctors if you have to.  Talk to you husband gently and remind him that you need to feel close to him.  I began taking Effexor for the hot flashes - I think it helped keep me emotionally intact too.  And I would have never agreed to taking an anti-depressant before all this breast cancer stuff began.  I recommend it to anyone, even if they don't realize they need it.  Come back here often for encouragement and hugs.

Deb

Hi Kristen,

I too like Deb, had to take Effexor to help with all the weird side effects I was having. I couldn't handle any of the oral meds, so the doc put me on Faslodex injections which I get every 4 weeks. Effexor has shown is studies to help with side effects for post breast cancer treatments: aches, fatigue, hot flashes, and the extra bonus is that it helps with the emotional turmoil some of us go through. Hang in there. We're all pulling for you. I agree....find a doctor that understands. I'm blessed to have a female oncologist who understands the hardships of what I've had to go through.

A little history: I had a left mastectomy with reconstruction (tram flap), chemo a/c and taxol with an allergic reaction to the taxol, radiation, gallbladder removed just after radiation which chemo caused, started on tamoxifen but side effects were so bad I had to have a complete hysterectomy, then because of radiation AFTER my reconstruction had to have another reconstructive surgery (radiation shrunk the tissue) and then one more, This was all in 2005 which ended with my 25 yr.marriage breaking up (ex-husband couldn't handle all this). I began 2006 with them experimenting which aromatase inhibitor I could handle, they finally figured I would have to have Faslodex injections. I'm still on them, I have a little over a year left and am having side effects now that affect my heart. I TOTALLY understand the wanting to give up. My now... wonderful husband has encouraged me to keep on keeping on. "Only one year left", he says, "and it's worth it to have you around for many many more years to come". I am blessed to have the encouragement I need at home.
But no one can truly understand what you are going through unless they have gone through it also, hence, why I am on this website....to feel connected with sisters like you.

Keep fighting, don't give up. You have no idea how many people you have touched or will touch with your story. I truly feel God uses all we have gone through for something in our lives.

Now...a little funny. I had a birthmark on my tummy....after my Tram Flap surgery where they take muscle, fat and skin from your abdomen to reconstruct the breast, I just had to look while I was in the hospital....I was surprised to see....you guessed it....my birthmark now on my breast! When I met with my plastic surgeon I asked him "what were you thinking", he said it was the best skin graft....and said he knew he was going to hear about it from me. We had a good laugh and he said, "seriously though, you need to keep a watch on that birthmark", which I replied, "Well, it will be alot easier now! LOL

Praying for you, Diana

Hi Kristin -- I understand the heartbreak of not having anyone to talk to or cry with -- I'm in the same place.  That's why I'm here -- the ladies on this site are my ears and shoulders -- could do it without them.

I'm on Effexor, been for a long time, so it helps.  Maybe your Prozac dose needs to be tweeked to help you through these stressful times?  Yes, situational depression certainly adds on to our "regular" depression.

I don't have any wise words other than you are not alone.  Even though we're not physically beside you, we are with you and will support you.

Elizabeth

xox