Im getting really scarred

Hi AllSorry I havent been on here too much since i got my new computer, it just takes alot of energy from me.

Im having lots of problems daily, if its not one thing its another...under my R arm, which my onc said it was from when they had to go in and take out those almost 20 nodes, scrape, pick, cut, remove my breast, and then go down my whole rib cage and scrape all my ribs of the cancer.  But that was in Nov 04, then another masct kn Nov 05 on L side, but they couldnt take or go under the arm due to they wouldnt have anyplace to take blood or do chemo..(I blood clot very easy, and it runs in the female side of family..mom and her stroke that happened 3 mo after my first diag, and 2 strokes not quite 2 mo ago, which has not been good what so ever....also my grandma (moms mom) she ended up w/her leg amputated due to cloting.  I asked him when ini 06 07 about having my leg amputated due to thats when they found mets in my L hip, he said NO, definentlly no, as I would not do that to you as you have had too many other things happen to you.

Now I have these "things" floating in my left side of tummy and taking meds for it to kill them as he said if my cancer moves anymore, it can go straight to them and worried about stomach cancer.

My life is hell, I hurt so bad, can barely walk, I use a 4 prong walker or a walker itself....,I cant keep food in me, nor do i have any appetite, and those "drinks" do not appeal to me..but i eat popsicles.

Might as well tell you, as i wasnt as i have so many other things going on, but Im by myself, as I am going thru a divorce.

Im scarred as sometimes i cant even get up to get water, let alone eat, and if i eat, like i just had a piece of toast..Frank brought over a fish dinner for blake and i 2 days ago and nope it didnt stay, just runs thru me, that is why i have gotten so skinny..use to be a size 10,12 or 14 if that and now im a 4 or 6.  yes were trying to stay frirends, and he helps at times.

Its hard to shower , yes i have the safety in bathrooom in shower, but the warmth of water attacks my RSD and fibromyalgia, then i have to get off it quickly , but "quickly" means I have to be careful as no matter what i do i trip, fall run into walls and im so bruised up, and have those blood thing on arms and legs like you see really old people with.

I cant see mom like i use to, nor do i want to tell her all this as she is that not well, and I know stress does not cause strokes, but still she doesnt need anymore to think about as yea, Im her "baby", and says she understands.

I feel all alone and like Im not sure but like when i worked, i worked 15 year at this one place, and once i had to go on disabliily due to fibro RSD, then not quite 2 years later BC hit me...sometimess I wish I would just die peacefully in my sleep....oh about "friends", you learn who your real freinds are when they hear cancer.  and my 2 really good friends are still here and im blessed to have them, as they do help when they can, as one lives close, but not physically well, has bad case of lupus, the other a diabetic juvenille and they cant control it.

sorry for running so long, but i had to let you guys know why im not on here very often...oh i am learninbg this new comp, its a vista and has anything and everything on it, even if i dont want to read, it will read outloud to me...havent tried or located everything else on it, but im trying.

just wanted you guys to know how Im doing .

hugs

Ter