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  • Anxiousmama
    Anxiousmama Member Posts: 92
    edited June 2009

    I agree with those that hate it when people tell them they are "brave" or "strong." What else can I do?  And if I do fall apart I don't feel like I can let them know I need help...

    I was recently diagnosed. The worst to me so far is my mom who thinks she is helping by "sharing" all the stories of everyone she knows who had DIED from breast cancer and/or had serious complications (one of her friends got a staph infection during surgery, for example).  The best are those who tell me about a friend or relative who is a survivor and did well during treatment. 

    Mostly so far I just get curious questions and do get tired of relaying the details. 

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  • ShariPDX
    ShariPDX Member Posts: 29
    edited June 2009

    I guess I'm in a very small minority, but I didn't tell anyone at work or outside my immediate family and boss about my situation .  It did eventually became obvious when I started wearing a baseball cap at work, not in itself unusual, but the bald thing was a giveaway as were my missed hours at work and sudden working from home.  I worked mostly with men and they always acted like my big or little brothers so this just continued.  I think my women co-workers were more awkward and tried to say the right thing, not always succeeding.  I'm pretty thick skinned so don't take things too seriously or personally most of the time.

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  • HelenaJ
    HelenaJ Member Posts: 1,133
    edited June 2009

    I have to admit that now over 6 months on and coming to the end of my reconstruction the best things people say to me is anything that isn't about my breast cancer, I love it when they just treat me like I was before - say hello and talk about the kids, netball, the weather, stupid husbands etc.  The worst thing is when I still see pity in their eyes and they just weakly smile and move on.

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  • leaf
    leaf Member Posts: 8,188
    edited June 2009

    I didn't like it when I told a few people at work I had LCIS, to explain my red eyes from crying so they wouldn't feel like they were responsible.  (I work in a hospital.)  So everyone talked. (I even had one person say, "I must be the last one to know". I held my tongue from saying "Maybe I didn't want you to know.")  I didn't like it when I was told the rad tech, essentially a male stranger (a friend of someone at work) - I had exchanged maybe 1 sentence with him the last 25 years - told me 'good luck with the excision, and I recommend getting bilateral mastectomies because a coworker had LCIS and that's what she had.'

    In other words, recommending a treatment, particularly the removal of one's private parts,is not proper, particularly when it comes from a male stranger, who does not know me or my condition, especially at work.

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2009

    My best and worst actually come from the same person!

    Months ago Cheryl at work had a bad cold. I commiserated with her and then she snapped at me, 'Well you've certainly raised the bar about going home sick, haven't you!' (I only took 2 and a half weeks off for my double mast.)

    When Farrah Fawcett died Cheryl was trying to get me involved in the pity party and asking if I had watched the TV special on her life. I finally said that wasn't the kind of topics I enjoyed watching and this look of horror crossed her face and she said, 'Oh no! I always forget about your situation!' (Then she ruined it all by saying, '...because you're so upbeat!) I liked that though I am flat chested, she doesn't relate ME to cancer anymore.

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  • cp418
    cp418 Member Posts: 7,079
    edited June 2009

    This remark was from a well meaning friend upon hearing I was getting a lumpectomy 1.8 cm tumor - 'Why don't you just cut them both off then you won't have to worry about it anymore.'  She was under the aummption that bilateral mastectomy meant you are cured and do not need anymore treatments. 

    MIL - How can you allow yourself to be seen without a wig?  She was really shocked that I would not wear a wig in 90+ summer heat and humidity. She told me everyone she knew who died of cancer and how horrible their treatments and deaths were. I made a point of not seeing her during my treatments and we are not on speaking terms now. 

    I take Femara and have some bad joint pain days mostly with winter weather.  I was asked why I bother to take more drugs if I already went through chemo and that was suppose to 'cure' me.

    I had a family member get very angry with me when I would research supplements and treatments on the Internet.  I wanted to understand why my onc selected one treatment over another.  I had no medical sources to go to for suplement and diet information - so the internet and this board.  I was accused of playing doctor and that I should have more faith.  I never discuss anything related to this topic with this immediate family member.

    Now I no longer bother to respond to these individuals as why waste my time. 

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