best friend diagnosed with BC, Im lost dont know what to do

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eficka
eficka Member Posts: 4
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
best friend diagnosed with BC, Im lost dont know what to do
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  • eficka
    eficka Member Posts: 4
    edited June 2009

    Hi everyone,

    My best friend (31) just got diagnosed with breast cancer. I dont know much yet (like the proper Dx), she went to surgery to remove a knob 2 weeks ago and was told that it is probably a cyst.

    yesterday she went to remove stitches and was told that it is malignant.right now she is going through some other test to find out if it has spread somewhere else, but was told that she could be happy if it only went to her ganglia.

    we will know more on Monday, but she was told directly that she will have to have chemo

    I want to help her so much.she doesnt want to talk, I understand that it is a shock and she just found out yesterday, so I wrote her that I love her and Im here for her and will wait till she calls me back.She wrote thank you and that she doesnt want any sms and that she will contact me herself.we are really close, so for me this is a weird situation.

    Right now I dont know if  should push it and contact her or really wait for her to call. I dont want to disrespect her but on the other hand I want her to know that Im with her and support her.

    Im already looking for information on the internet, doing research etc.I just dont want to overwhelme her.I would like to know your opinion.

    Thank you so much for your input and sorry for mistakes (Im not native English speaker)

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  • xpectmiracles
    xpectmiracles Member Posts: 439
    edited June 2009

    Eficka, what a great friend you are! I'm so sorry about your friend. It sounds like she may still be in shock and cannot sort out her feelings enough to express them. I remember feeling overwhelmed at first. Just keep yourself available and she will probably open up when she is ready. Give her space and time. I found that talking about it made it more "real" and that I needed time to get to the point where I could share. Does she know about this site? When you do talk to her, tell her that this is a great place to find info, share feelings and make friends. She is not alone.

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited June 2009

    I had a couple of friends who were so great to me in those confusing "early days." Sometimes it is so overwhelming, you really don't want to talk to anyone. Just send her a little email or phone message every day - tell her you are thinking of her, and that's all you need to do. Make it clear you don't expect her to return the phone call or answer the email. I remember being so stressed about waiting for all the test results, and I had one friend who sent me an email every day, just telling me about what her kids had been doing. I will always remember her thoughtfulness.

    Further down the line, you can help with meals and so forth. I did get so many people saying to me "If there is anything I can do just let me know" But the most helpful people just did things, they didn't wait to be asked. Find out what will be most helpful to her, like meals, and just say to her - every Friday (or whatever) I will bring over a meal.

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  • eficka
    eficka Member Posts: 4
    edited July 2009

    Dear Kerry and Cheryl,

    thank you so much for your advice.My friend is communicating we are in touch, I do send her sms or emails daily, but she knows she doesnt need to answer....I finally saw her yesterday she looks good just tired and we even laughed quite a lot:-)) We spoke about how can I help her and I offered that I will cook and clean the house for her and she was really happy about it. Finally I can help at least a bit. We even spoke that I will write her everyday and probably often ask if I can visit her, but I told her that if she doesnt feel like seeing me or anybody I will not take it personally if she writes me not to come.Im really ok wit that. I will try to tell her about this site, but Im just scared to be talk about cancer and everything I found, too much so I dont somehow remind her of the cancer too much.

    BUT now Im really scared, this seems like a really bad nightmare. I will tell you what is happenening. The knob that was removed she found like 3 months ago and since then it grew from 1cm to 3 cm, yesterday she found out that she her ganglia is ifected too and also at gyno they found something, she went for the bone scan and the results are coming next week.she has one or both of the cancer genes and next week she will have both breasts totally removed and then she starts chemo. that cancer she has is spreading so quickly and seems to be so aggresive. Im really scared... I cant imagine that it wouldnt be ok.... am I just freaking out or is it really that bad?

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  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 2,992
    edited July 2009

    Hugs Eficka..What a great friend you are!......When you say ganglia do you mean nodes?.....Not sure on the prognosis my self..I am not a doctor.....Any dx of cancer is scary....Especially in the first few weeks...Once your friend has a definite plan of action you all will feel much better......Good luck to you and your friend..........

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  • eficka
    eficka Member Posts: 4
    edited July 2009

    Hi Lucy, yep ganglia is nodes (Im not native English speaker so I used the first term that was stated in dictionary :-)

    thank you all so much for the support. It must be OK its just that its going too fast, she found a lump 3 months ago and now it looks like it is everywhere in her body...the speed of it scares me...

    on Tuesday she will have her breasts and nods removed and then chemo

    I admire all of you (my friend and all of the people here) and wish you all the best! I hope that you all will be OK!

    Thank you again for all the positive words

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