Could Use Some Advice for My Mom

Hi – I’m new to this board and the ladies on the IDC board suggested I check with you guys.  I really need some expertise/experience.  My 74 year old mom’s been diagnosed with IDC. She’s in such a state of shock and denial that she’s not processing.  I have been trying to come up to speed but there is so just so much out there and, though I’ve spent dozens of hours researching,  I am feeling overwhelmed and horrified that I don’t know enough – may never know enough – to guide my mother to the right decision.   That’s why I’m here.

Long story short, bizarre as this sounds, after recovering from a fall in which she broke her hip and had a severely inflamed/bruised shoulder, when the inflammation went down over the course of several weeks, in its place was a huge mass that did not go away. Although my mother swears this thing was not there before the fall, it seems impossible to me that something that big could have formed in the course of less than 2 months. The mass was diagnosed as IDC and the tumor is “the size of an apple.”  T4.  Locally advanced with lymph node involvement in the right breast.  She is HER positive, ER positive, PR negative.  They are putting it at stage IIIC.

She only has one kidney and she has had bladder cancer in the past but it has been contained and treated.  However her PET/CT showed a mass of suspicious tissue in the renal pelvis which must be investigated before they will start her on treatment.   She has a ureteral stent which must be replaced so she’ll have that done next week and while they’re doing that they’ll examine the problematic area in the bladder.

Assuming everything’s okay with the bladder (or can be made so), the medical oncologist is pushing her hard for chemo to shrink the tumor.  He’s proposing Herceptin given concurrently with either Taxotere and Carboplatin or Adriamycin and Cytoxan.  Second option is Herceptin with a single chemo agent.  Third is to go with Herceptin and the hormonal therapy (some combination of Arimidex, Aromasin, and/or Femara). 

The idea would be shrink the tumor, do a mastectomy and then radiation, chemo and the AI’s.  He’s really pushing for the chemo but my mom doesn’t want chemo and, while I might be able to persuade her, I’ve read in a couple of places that chemo is often too harsh for older women and that the AI’s work just as well. 

I really feel out of my depth here – I’m so scared of leading someone I love so much down the wrong path -- so I’d be grateful for any advice you can offer.