Our journey is almost over

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DaughterMom
DaughterMom Member Posts: 160

Last Thursday I transfered my mother to a nursing home via ambulance.  We both decided that she would be better off getting constant care from nurses, because she was getting weaker, and it was getting more difficult for her get up from bed.   Her health is declining and it is a tough time for the family.  She is completely bed ridden now, and does not have the strength to go on much longer.  I am still here alone, but family and support are on their way.  I have to say, the health care team has been great, and rallying around me these past few weeks, and I will be forever grateful. 

The last couple days have been bittersweet.  For a while now I have been searching and praying for a sign to prove that there is in fact a heaven. Just anything that will help me believe that this journey we have been on together will end at heaven's gate.  I think my prayers were answered. Yesterday, I overheard, ok, I was eavesdropping on a conversation across the hall from my mothers room, a daughter was asking her own mother if she wanted to go to heaven.  The daughter then explained to her mother the process of believing in order to get to heaven.  That very same afternoon, my aunt came to my mother's bedside and prayed for peace and comfort for my mother, and then told my mother the very same story, but in her own way.  

Today, my mother told me that she believes in everything that my Aunt said, and that she believed that she was going to heaven, and she asked me if I believed.  I told I did, and that she would be seeing my dear grandmother once again, whom we all miss dearly.  It was not as hard as I expected it to be, to say these things to my mother.  She is ready for the pain and suffering to end.   I know my pain will not end just yet, and I am scared to feel the sorrow and grief that is coming.  I will miss her more than anything, I may feel lost when she lets go of my hand when her portion of our journey ends, but I just have to know that that I will find my way again.  With great fear and trepidation, I am ready to take on what comes next.  

 God Bless

Comments

  • ElaineD
    ElaineD Member Posts: 2,265
    edited June 2009

    I think you've done exactly the right thing, in ensuring your lovely Mum has constant care. I'm so glad that you've had a lot of support form the health team. My heart is sinking for you, knowing what you will have to face in the future-I don't think we are ever "ready" to let go of our darling Mums. Please try not to dwell on what will happen soon, and take as much comfort as you can in your remaining days together.Much love to you both,xx

  • bettysgirl
    bettysgirl Member Posts: 938
    edited June 2009

    these day are going to be a difficult walk. Watching my mother suffer during her last days was VERY difficult so you have my prayers. We are indeed never ready to let go of our moms.

    There is indeed a heaven and I am glad your aunt talked to your mom. While i struggle with the daily walk of faith, it is that fatih that carried me through those days with my mom and after she passed it is having that faith, that assurance that we will meet again one day that carried me thorugh the days, weeks and months after she passed away. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2009

    When my Dad was dying, I asked him if he was afraid. He said only of the pain. We kept him pain-free at the end of his struggle with lung cancer. I do know how you feel as I have lost my Mom as well.

    A wise friend who is also a pastor gave me healing words, and I pass them now on to you:

    'Her journey's just begun.'

    Gentle hugs my friend.

  • Marple
    Marple Member Posts: 19,143
    edited June 2009
  • Dejaboo
    Dejaboo Member Posts: 2,916
    edited June 2009

    Im so Sorry.

    Sending Love & Hugs your way.

    Your post makes me think of a Beautiful Song by the early Fleetwood Mac. 

     "the Sunny Side of Heaven"

    It is so Peaceful....

    Pam

  • Caseysmom
    Caseysmom Member Posts: 507
    edited June 2009

    Sending prayers,love and hugs.

    Laura

  • Fitztwins
    Fitztwins Member Posts: 7,969
    edited June 2009

    That conversation you had with your sweet mother was a huge gift. Sure we are afraid. I have to believe that there is a heaven. Something.

    I was with my Grandma with she passed. It was peaceful.

    This is a hard thing to go through, please consider it a privilege to be a part of also.

    Prayers for your strength during this difficult time.

  • leaf
    leaf Member Posts: 8,188
    edited June 2009

    Big hugs to you.  It sounds like your mom is preparing herself to go.  We cannot change the outcome, but we can do small acts of love.  My thoughts are with you.

  • coonie
    coonie Member Posts: 7,618
    edited June 2009

    I'm so sorry for your pain, but it WILL be your mother's gain.

    I pray for peace and comfort for you and your mom........and family.

    reiki_peaceful_spirit_dove.jpg Holy Angels image by astroanswers

  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 2,992
    edited June 2009

    Daughter having recently lost a sister and watching her pass I can tell you it was bitter sweet......I knew she was going to a better place but I selfishly wanted her to stay......I can say from experience that I believe in Heaven and Angels.....I truly believe I saw the Angels come in to the room to take my dear sister's soul to Heaven.......It was truly beautiful!...I saw all of the colors of the rainbow flashing through the room and I KNEW ...I just knew the angels were there for her..I felt a peace and calm I had never felt before......And in just a second or two she was gone......i miss my dear sister terribly but I would not trade that moment for anything now...I was holding my sister's hand and ruing her leg and had told her it was okay for her to go.....She went very peacefully.....She had suffered for so long with emphysema but she outlived the doctor's prediction by a full year!......

    Ny thoughts and prayer are with you as you go on this final journey with your mother......Just remember she will be waiting on the other side with a great ig smile and a great big hug for you.....

  • Estepp
    Estepp Member Posts: 6,416
    edited June 2009

    ((((((( Huge hugs for you both))))))))

    It must be so hard for you now.

    I pray now, that the Lord is with you both, holding on tight.

  • VickiG
    VickiG Member Posts: 536
    edited June 2009

    I am so sorry you & your family are going through this painful time.  Wishing peace to you all.  Please know we are all here for you.  Hugs to you & your wonderful mom.

  • pk0199
    pk0199 Member Posts: 586
    edited June 2009

    My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

  • footprintsangel
    footprintsangel Member Posts: 43,890
    edited June 2009

    Daughter, I have lost my Father, Grandparents and Uncle with cancer, So I know the

    walk, My dad was in a coma, and the Hospice nurse said he was hanging on for some reason

    So we got the family together and had turkey, And that week he died.

    God bless you threw this very hard time. Hugs, Debbie

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2009

           You are a dear daughter and will never be sorry for these last days you spend with your mother.  I was there holding my mother's hand and talking to her so she would know I was there when she died....they always say hearing is the last sense to go. .  There were tears streaming down my cheeks, but for myself, not Mama.  She is in a much better place and there is not a day that I don't miss her or wish she was here because of something that happend that I would like to ask her about or discuss with her.  Sometimes now that I am dealing with chemo and side effects myself, hair loss, neuropathy, things she experienced, I feel bad that I did not talk to her more about how she was feeling.  But she was such a stong woman with so much get up and go, that she just kept going and am I sure she was scared and uncomfortable, but just didn't give in to it.  Just remember, your mother is going to a wonderful place and will be free of pain and suffering.  You are with your mother now and that is something you will never regret.  Also I am sure you as I do, will have many wonderful memories or your mother and no one can ever take those away from you.  Stay strong.   Marybe

  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited June 2009

    My prayers are with you all. I believe you are giving an amzing gift to your mom, being with her, caring for her, making the transitions easier. It is a special bond you have.

    Gentle hugs and prayers for you and the family

  • coonie
    coonie Member Posts: 7,618
    edited June 2009

    Daughter---I'm sending you heartfelt hugs and prayers today. May you find peace in the midst of your storm. God bless!!!!!!!!!!!

  • fortunate1
    fortunate1 Member Posts: 644
    edited June 2009

    I just lost my Mom at the end of April, and thought I couldn't possibly handle it and breast cancer too. But I did, and the more of her care I took on the sweeter our time together became. Unbelievably sweet and precious. It is so hard, and so valuable to the both of you.

    Peace and comfort to you.  

  • desdemona222b
    desdemona222b Member Posts: 776
    edited June 2009

    Daughter -

    I'd like to share a little story with you.

    I lost my darling mother in March of this year to Parkinson's Disease.  She had lost the ability to swallow, which my father didn't realize because she could neither talk nor write.  He thought she had a cold because he was sick with one himself.  On a Sunday night, she had a heart attack and ended up in the hospital, where they quickly figured out what was going on.  My father contacted me during the day on that Tuesday, saying they were hoping she would be able to swallow again in another day or two.  I was not able to fly out to see her until Saturday morning - at that point she was in palliative care on morphine.  She had not opened her eyes all day but she did squeeze my hand and my daughter's hand and briefly tried to open her eyes.  She died that night just before midnight.  I knew deep down when I saw her that day that she was not going to make it through the night.  We had just gotten home from the hospital when they called to tell Dad she was dying.  He would not allow me or my daughter to go to her bedside - she was unconscious at that point anyway.  I never asked him why he wouldn't let us come - I have my ideas, though.

    Anyway, somehow God felt far away to me. My mother suffered horribly for many years, and the idea that she was out of her suffering did not provide as much comfort as I had thought it would.  When I got back home, I called a Christian friend of mine who I ride the bus with every day to get to work.  She said, "I have something for you.  I was reading the new devotional for this month last Tuesday night and God spoke to me and told me to give this to you.  Then, on Wednesday night when I started reading it, the message was extremely urgent and insistent.  So I have it right here in my purse."

    Now I had not seen this friend in several weeks so she had no idea what was going on.  I felt reassured that God was really there because of this - I still have that devotional and will never let it go as long as I live.  It is a reminder of God's presence whether I'm really believing or not.

    I hope my story helps you somehow.  Perhaps God will manifest his presence to you as well, and very soon, I pray.

  • Jadai
    Jadai Member Posts: 182
    edited June 2009

    I am sitting here in tears reading your post.  I recently had to do the same for my mom who is battling BC.  It is so hard to watch them deteriorate and be helpless to stop it.  My mom is so tired, can't walk, doesn't want to eat....she has been through so much in the past 9 months.  You are doing the right thing and everything you can do.  I  keep trying to remind myself of that but it is hard.  Take care of yourself and continue doing what you are doing.  Please, if you ever want to talk to someone in the same position, I am an email away.  God bless you all!

  • NancyD
    NancyD Member Posts: 3,562
    edited June 2009

    My heart is crying, just reading all the touching responses...stories of others' loses. To add my own, my mother died at home but only after she had sent many of us who had gathered there to our own homes to be with our families. I was sad that I couldn't be there when she passed, but it seemed to be what she wanted.

    My own belief in Heaven has been strengthened numerous times. Because of that, I have no fear of death. In a sermon, a priest I admire greatly for his theological insights explained his thoughts on Heaven and I have taken them to heart. All our lives, we search for fulfillment in our relationships...in marriages, in friendships, and in families, but the fulfillment we feel in even the best of those will pale in comparison to the fulfillment we will feel when we are in God's presence. 

    So, rather than fear death, I am at peace with it, believing that the experience will eclipse even the best and happiest days I have felt here on Earth. Now how can that be bad?

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2009
    Very well said Nancy. That's how I feel about God but could never say it as well. Thanks. Innocent
  • AnnNYC
    AnnNYC Member Posts: 4,484
    edited June 2009

    DaughterMom, just writing to let you know you are in my thoughts.

  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited June 2009

    just wanted to stop by and see how Mom was doing. My prayers are with you, wishing you many sweet moments.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2009

    Praying for peace for you and your mom...

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2009

    Daughter

    These last days with your mom are ones that right now you are trying to shy from and are fearful of, but believe me, these will be the most precious moments with your mom you will always cherish...

    I took care of my dad the last few weeks of his life and spent the largest part of everyday with him....I was holding his hand when he passed.....it was extremely hard for me as I am and always was a daddy's girl, but those last few days with him and the very moment I knew he passed into peace and was no longer suffering are now the most cherished memories a girl can have.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Hugs

    Jule

  • dreamwriter
    dreamwriter Member Posts: 3,255
    edited June 2009

    How uplifting that sounds jpann

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2009

    Dream,

    As I said, it was one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do in my life but at the same time it was a blessing for dad as well...

    He waited for along time to go to the drs and when he finally did his poor body was cancer ridden and there wasnt anything they could do except to give meds to keep him comfortable....thankfully he never appeared to be in alot of pain.

    But I do know that those memories still wrench my heart and it has will be 20 yrs since his passing July of this year. I was 27, he was 61. I cried as I wrote that post a few moments ago and Im not sure I will ever be able to think back without tears, but it is comforting to know that the tears are a mixture of pain and joy...pain at having lost my dad and joy that he is finally at peace.

    I have often had others ask how I could be with him like that and not have awful memories....it was simple to me....I loved him, he loved me, he was there when I was brought into this world and showed me many paths in life, I was there as he was leaving this life and hopefully was able to make him feel that it was ok and I think that is the most important part of this type of journey, for our loved ones to know that its ok to go when its their time.

  • Ithought41wastooyoung
    Ithought41wastooyoung Member Posts: 23
    edited June 2009

    I too lost my mom and there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her or wish she was here with us.  I feel that she is, in her own way, seeing us and we will see her again too. 

    I am so sorry.  Love and prayers to you and your family. 

    Lisa :)

  • Bitsy
    Bitsy Member Posts: 10
    edited October 2009

    God Bless you.

    Death is always hardest on those left behind.. By the time it gets to that point with a loved one they are ready to end the pain and suffering. What I found is so important to them is to know ' we ' are going to be okay..You did all you could to show your love and support & she truly knows that....One person once said to me that it is selfish of us to feel that way. At first that bothered me. To some extent I do believe that ( even though I am still selfish about losing my Mom), but, they have been through the ups and downs, the sickness, the worry and finally just are ready to go. So, they will be in a better place , how can we not feel comfort knowing this?

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