Husband's Role

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cjbonz
cjbonz Member Posts: 4
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Well I just wanted to touch bases with everyone and make sure I am doing everything I can for my Wife.  She had a sigle mastectomy in May she has done real well and was back to work in 2 weeks.  We have seen the oncologist yesterday and gaves us some options including a trial.  My biggest question is if I am doing everything I can for her.  I have been there for her right from the start, I go to every appt., I rub her down when she needs it I hug  and kiss her cry with her and take care of the house as much as I can.  You see I am a Nvvy Retiree and am totally disabled.  I love her with everything I am we have been married for almost 26 years.  Are there any sites to help me as a husband.  I figure there are many sites I just dont know where to begin.  Thanks in Advance.

Carl Bonenfant

ETC/SS USN Retired

100% Perm. & Total Disabled                                                                                                                           

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited June 2009

    Hi, Carl ~  Bless you for being such a caring husband!  I'm sure the attitude you've shown us here comes through in everything you do for your wife, and that's what's most important -- just being there for her -- from going to appointments with her (she won't hear or remember anything after the first 5 mins. due to stress), to helping her talk through the pros & cons of various treatment options (and there will be some, like whether or not to be in a trial), to just listening when she's scared or sad. 

    There's also a book that you might be interested in reading.  It's called The Breast Cancer Husband by Marc Silver.  I'll try to give you a link to an article about it that includes an interview with the author.  It was recommended to us by a psychologist at UCLA, so I think it's highly thought of amongst professionals who deal with breast cancer:

    http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=53702

    So sorry you and she are dealing with this, but you'll get through it, just as you have the other challenges in your lives. 

    And I couldn't end this without saying thank you for your service to our country!   Hope to see you around these boards often ~   Deanna
     

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  • Alyad
    Alyad Member Posts: 817
    edited June 2009

    Carl, you sound like a wonderful caring husband and thank you for serving our wonderful country.  I am currently almost finished with chemo and I have to say I am not sure how I could have made it this far without my husband's support. he's been great through it all- we were just married 6 mos when I was diagnosed, tho we had been together 4 years. you sound like you are thinking of everything- the only piece of advice I could add- occasionally ask if there is anything specific she wants or needs- my DH is so good at reading my mind most of the time I sorta just assume he can all of the time!

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  • Route53
    Route53 Member Posts: 340
    edited June 2009

    Carl,

    As you probably know, it is not just the physical things you can do for your wife that will help her, but the emotional things as well.  Just reminding her that she is still just as beautiful as ever to the man she married, that is the most important thing.

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