My sister's first chemo

I can't help with your sister's treatment and possible effects, as I'm new myself, and my diagnosis and treatment are somewhat different.

I can speak a little bit from your side.  11 years ago I became a friend's primary caregiver (she had cancer) and grew to love her deeply. The hardest thing to do (which might not be as hard for you, since you're sisters and know each other well) is to really try to clue in to what she needs.  It may not always be obvious, but there may be times when just being there, holding her hand, and sitting quietly is more fulfilling and helpful to her than anything.  You know what entertains her, so having those things on hand is great.  Running errands, whatever -- you'll figure all those things out.

Be her advocate!  There will be times when she needs something but doesn't want to bother anyone -- I've found this especially true when a patient doesn't want to "bother" the dr. or  other staff with problems.  Call the dr. for her if she's home and having reactions (even if they might seem minor); if she's at the dr., go up to the counter and tell them what she needs -- it's what they're there for -- she shouldn't have to suffer or put up with things that are bothering her if there's a solution, but you may have to lace up those boots and gently kick a litte butt.  It can be done kindly, and it gets results.  

Laughter is great!  We watched movies, had food fights in the hospital room (the nurses were so great about us -- I'm not sure they'd be so tolerant now!), whatever worked.  She had one friend who was an incredible vocalist and would sometimes come and sing to her at her apt. or when she was in the hospital, and recorded a tape so Lee could listen to it when she couldn't sleep or just needed the soothing.

Help her find other support.  If there's a cancer support group, she might want to try that.  She'll meet other people who know what she's going through and can relate to her in ways no one else can.   She's probably still reeling from the overwhelming diagnosis and difficult times ahead -- being around other people who've been there gives one hope.  She may want to add counseling (my oncologist has a counselor on staff -- no extra charge, and available to family as well as patients, plus I see my personal therapist) and perhaps meds, if she and her dr. think she's overwhelmed and depressed.

Oh, and very important: she's going to feel like she's losing control over a lot of her life. She is and will be.  So be careful about trying to help too much -- let her do the things she can do and feels up to doing (obviously, you don't want her overdoing!), let her make decisions, etc. It can be a fine line to tread and I know I made some mistakes with Lee but fortunately she let me know (sometimes in no uncertain terms!) when I crossed the line. And the line can move from day to day and week to week, so it may change.  I know it sounds obvious but it's amazing how easy it is to slip into "help" mode and start taking some of those decisions and actions away from people, and then they have frustration and anger over that.   Everyone wants to feel useful, needed, and productive, and that includes the people dealing with the disease as well as those wanting to help.  If she has the chance and wants to do something for you, let her... it will help her as well as you.  It may help her more than you.

Being a caregiver is definitely hard and draining work. When I was helping Lee, I forgot that for awhile, and ended up the hospital myself overnight from severe dehydration.  It was just simple neglect on my part, nothing serious, but it was a jolt.  Be sure to take care of YOU as well as your sister.  If you get too tired, drained, etc., you won't be able to help her the way you like.  Eat well, get your own rest, stay hydrated, find your own places to vent/share/seek help.  Do things that calm and nurture you.

Most of all, just love your sister.  The rest will really flow out of that.  You're taking on an incredible journey and one you won't regret.  It may be very difficult at times but every second of it will be a gift.  My best and warm hugs to both of you.

Hi Henney,

Let me first say...God bless you!  You are wonderful sister. Your sister is very blessed and lucky to have you in her corner!!

I think Nature gave you allot of great tips and advice. Since she was in the same position as you...she knows just how you feel and what you need to be the helper.

I did not have the same dx as your sister, but I did have some of the same treatment. Remember though, everyone responds to tx differently. I had my chemo rounds every 3 weeks..so I had a longer break than your sister is going to get. I started out with cytoxan and adriomycin together. They call the adriomycin the "red devil". It is a big red tube that they put in slowly..it's not a drip like the other.  I did not have much of a reaction the day of, but the next day, by the evening I was getting tired. For me, day 3 and 4 were my days that I was out of it and wanted to sleep. Taking the anti nasuea meds make you tired, but they help keep away the feeling of being sick. Slowly after day 4, you start to feel better, have a little more of an appetite. For me, by the end of the second week...I was feeling great. Unfortunately for your sister, it will be time to go to the next round. Like I said, everyone is different.  I worked during all of my tx's. I would only miss on the day's 3 and 4 where I felt the worse.

I bet your sister is tougher than she thinks. It really is scary going into the "unkown", but it is all very doable!  It's been 2 years since I was doing my chemo...and honestly...it's a distant memory.  Speaking of which..she will get somewhat forgetful. It comes with the chemo. This I found to be very fustrating! It gets better later..but never quite the same as befor dx.

When it comes to the actual tx...and you being with her. My very best friend went to all of my tx's with me.  Allot of the time we would talk, but there were times, that all I wanted to do was close my eyes and rest.  She would bring along something to read...while I rested.

Bring your sister to these boards.  If she feels like it, she will find a great sense of support and understanding here!

Good luck tomorrow to you and to your sister. Come back and give us an update. Don't be nervous..you will do just fine. Just be there for her, hold her hand...she will need that.

xoxo

Lisa

Hi , I have had 4 of 6 TAC treatments- It's different for everyone, but overall it follows a similar course- the first couple treatments I felt okay day 2 and 3- tired but decent, then days 4-6 I am pretty tired and just can't move- it is a different kind of tired. I am just content to lay there and do absolutely nothing. I feel like there is a force field around me. For me days 7-8 are mostly okay- a couple times I have run a fever and I still feel pretty cruddy- usually day 6 or 7 I get really cranky cause I'm just tired of feeling bad. Mine are every 3 weeks tho.

I have not been able to work as much as others- not everyone can and I spent a lot of time beating myself up over it- feeling like I should be able to push through - my job's not that hard, but does require concentration and and I don't have it. Now I'm on part time disability and am not trying to work for the week after treatment at all. The treatments do get harder as they go on- at least for me- you just don't really bounce back and the fatigue is worse.

Hi Henny,

I am also the caregiver for my sister!!! The hardest of this long journey for me was to watch the changes in her physically inside and out and emotionally, and so fast !!! The worst thing I did was to always have a stiff upper lip, to be positive in front of her, (that in it self took a huge toll on me emtionally and physically) but I thought that that would make this process easier for her, but it didn`t. I have since learned (from this amazing site and her), what she needed was someone that she could cry with, someone to reinforce her fears present and future, someone to be there to ask the questions, because she was to drained to ask and to absorb the answers. She needed me to just listen!!!  Just follow her lead Henny and together you will find your way together. THis is going to be one hell of a ride, so educate your self about eveything with her treatments, her type of cancer,get to know her nurses and doctors, have your sister give them permission to answer questions for her etc!!! You can get SO much valuable info on these boards, I found even more info here  than what the doctors give. This journey will take a toll on you as well, make sure you rest when you can. For me I couldn`t sleep, I was so anxious and worried, I couldn`t see the light at the end of the tunnel and I just wanted this to go away, for her and all of us!!!  Remember knowledge is power, it will help you put things in perpestive for you and her. THere is a  positive side  and that  is the bond you create between you and your sister. My sister and I were very close to begin with but we are amazed and we can`t even explain into words this bond now, it is something we cherrish. Hold her hand, love her, be a safe haven for her, and be gentle to yourself, you will make mistakes and that is ok, and come here with any and all your fears, questions, seek support and you will get it. Read my older posts, OMG I look back at them sometimes and think "I really said that or asked that"!!!! 

xo to you and your sister

Deb

Hi everyone!

I'm going to the Oncologist tonight to see if I can start Chemo. I'm terrified but what choice do i have, right?

i'm going to put my sister onto this thread because she absolutely needs it. she's been amazing but she cries more than i do and i end up having to take care of her...LOL We laugh about it and it's more than ok.

nature, thank you for explaining ME. i couldn't articulate it and you did a great job! there is a fine line between asking for help one day and then not asking for it the next!!

i'm so scared but i know i'm not the first person to do this and i have to do what i have to do! right?

Forward!!!!

ladies...you have some wonderful, wonderful caregivers/sisters etc!! God bless all of them!

Alyd...please do not have one GUILTY feeling about not being able to work or do things around the house!! Everyone handles chemo differently. You are taking 3 kinds at once!! That is a butt kicker!! I am very much like you, it was so hard to ASK anyone for help.  But, the one thing cancer and chemo did to me, was humble me. I finally was able to say...OK...and Thank you for helping! You have too.  Chemo really does wear us out..and the concentration, well...sometimes I forgot how to put a sentence together.  I was able to work, just not the certain days following my tx. When I was at work..there were times...I looked like heck..and they all thought I should go home. I must say...you look really good with your shaved head!

Deb..you are a wonderful sister!! My sisters live on the west coast..and I am in Ohio...so it was so hard for them to be so far away. They came a few times when they could.  Sisters are great..and it has made us even closer. You realize how things can change so quickly..and you cherrish even more what you have together.

Good luck to cs34...you will be strong...and battle the beast!  Nature girl...you have a long road..but you too will do well...just remember to rest...and listen to your body!

Henney..how are you doing?

xoxo

Lisa

Hi Henney,

So glad to hear things went well. Can I just inject one thing about the Wigs. I bought my sister 2 wigs, her insurance wouldn`t pay, they were about 450.00 each. She found them to be so hot, itching and annoying  and this was in the fall and winter. At the support group we go to,( I am the only one without B/C there) all said the same thing they HATED the feel of wearing a wig, scarfs and baseball hats were much more comfortable. I am NOT suggesting not to get any wigs, thats up to you, but I was eager as yourself to provide this for her and I wish I had waited. We donated the wigs which she only wore once or twice each. Hope I didn`t over step but I wished someone told us and I would have only bought 1.

The other thing that is so helpful is to get her a soft cotton cap to wear at night to bed, because her head will be cold and your scalp hurts when the hair is coming out. I used a sticky  lint roller when her hair was  at  the end of falling out to make it smooth for her. God this brings back so much emotion. And Magic mouth wash is a MUST!!! Her oncologist will give her a prescription for that. You can google Magic Mouth Wash and it will give you the ingrediants to make yourself, I did it and it was easy!!! and it was such a relief for the mouth and throat sores from the AC!!! Keep posting, keep asking questions (not that you asked for my long winded 2 cents), before you  it tx will be over!!!

Be good to yourself Henney, you a such a wonderful sister!!!

xo,

Deb

Hi Henney,

I too am happy to hear it went well for your sister. I had a port too.  Even though, I hated it..and tried to hide it with clothing, I know it's the best thing when receiving so many tx's.

My nurse did not wear all of that coverage..just gloves.

I did not need the Magic mouth wash for A/C..only when I had the taxotere. I know it helps some people, unfortunately..it didn't do much for me.  I used it, but it only numbed my mouth and throat for a very short time. Hopefully, your sister will not need it.

About the wigs...I would have to agree with Deb. I got a really nice one thru my insurance. I did wear it...and it was during the summer, but only when I came to work.  Otherwise, I sported some cute hats and lots of scarves.  My neighbor laughed at me..she said..your scarves match your clothing..and I said..of course they do...lol..she said..."only YOU would make cancer fashionable"! I thought that was a compliment. So...you may want to look for lot's of colorful, and fun scarves. I also ended up donating my wig to someone on this site.

Keeping postive thoughts, strength and prayers for you and your sister!

xoxo

Lisa

Hi Henney,

Just checking in with you...and wondering how things are going for your sister.

Lisa