mom just diagnosed.... needing help :(

First...the waiting game is awful and there isn't anything to do but have your mom be her own advocate.

I can share my story and how my kids have coped and hope it helps you. I was diagnosed with IDC and DCIS almost one year ago on June 2, 2008. At the time, my kids were 17 and 13. I am unusually close with both of them. My daughter was scheduled to leave for 7 weeks the day before I got my results and wanted to cancel. I forced her to go with the promise I would keep her up-to-date by the minute. My 13 year old son was home with me and it was really hard on him. He was in denial first and then mad as hell. He wanted to fix me and couldn't. He went every step of the way with me through getting my diagnosis, shaving my head, surgery etc. Even though I talked to my daughter daily and visited her 5 times over the first week she was gone...distance made it seem like a bad dream. Once she was home reality struck. She was at my side for every chemo until school started. I told my kids constantly...don't play happy for me...I wanted them to be true to their feelings. I had a long road and I wasn't sure I was going to make it. I was told my cancer was very aggressive not only by first and second opinion doctors but by a very good friend who was chief epidemiologist at American Cancer Society. Needless to say I was scared. The "what ifs" were the worst..."what if" I wasn't here to see them graduate etc etc etc. Mom guilt about what I was putting my poor kids through...it just wasn't fair. As you worry about your mom she is worried about you.

Fast forward one year:

20 weeks of chemo, countless MRI's, PET scan, 3 surgeries, 49 weeks of herceptin and 5 months of tamoxifen. Cancer is gone! June 15th is my last herceptin and final reconstruction surgery including port removal! 7 months out from chemo and I have almost 4 inches of very curly hair! I feel better physically than I did pre-diagnosis! My kids and I are even closer...if that is possible! AND I WAS AT MY DAUGHTERS GRADUATION WITH TEARS STREAMING! 

I do know how hard this is on you. How scared you are and worried about losing your mom. Treatment is tough to watch. Bad days will be bad but then she will come through this and believe it or not...life goes on. There is a "new normal" that takes hold. I was able to take my daughter on a trip in February that I physically couldn't have gone on a few months earlier. Next week we are going to the beach together. I have decided...I tried this cancer thing...didn't really like it so now I am done with it!

Hi there

My mom's battle with bc was 4 yrs ago. She is a Survivor. Her and I are very close also so I was there for her every step of the way. There's alot of questions, confusion and fears but it will all come together as you progress through appointments. Don't hesitate to write everything down, before, during and after appts. It's way to overwhelming (for your mom and you) to try to remember.

Of course you're upset and crying. I did my share behind my moms back and sometimes with her. It's so scary, but you and your mom will come through this together. And she will need your strength, support, love and compassion through this journey.

My mom's cancer was capsulated, but was a very aggressive type so she had a lumpectomy, 6 chemo treatments and then six weeks of radiation.

I'm thankful for my close relationship with my mom. Because of that, she communicated everything to me and my sister. "We" were all on the same page every step of the way.

You and your mom are in my prayers. Take good care of her and yourself.

Teresa