Single mom with 9 year old daughter

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supermom390
supermom390 Member Posts: 4
edited June 2014 in Singles With Breast Cancer

Gosh, I really don't even know where to begin!! I found out that I had Breast Cancer on March 28, 2009. My first surgery was April 17, then on April 28th full Hysterectomy. My last surgery was on May 6th because they had not got all the cancer. I have not started my treatments at this time. I'm very open with my child and have tried to explain to her the best that I can what is happening and what to expect. I believe she is having a hard time with everything and seeing me cry. She now state's that she does not want breasts. I need to try and find a free support group for her and me also. But, my #1 concern is her right now. Does anyone have any recommendations for me?? We live in Surprise Arizona. Thank you :o)

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  • Jaybird627
    Jaybird627 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited May 2009

    Contact your local chapter of The American Cancer Society. That might be a good place to start. Good luck to you!

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  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 2,992
    edited May 2009

    Call 211 ...this is a non porfit group whi can help you find psychologists to help your daughter.......i can relate to your daughter......My mother had bc when i ws young too...I said I didn't want breasts either......Just talk to her and tell her you understand how she feels but growing breasts is a normal part of growing up...Good luck....

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  • jader
    jader Member Posts: 223
    edited May 2009

    www.kidzconnected.org

    They have a book, a teddy bear and blanket to send to her if you go to their website.  The book helps you help her talk about feelings.  There are support groups for your child and they can help you find one near you.

    I signed up a kiddo to go to their camp this year and just waiting for the acceptance letter.  This year it's free due to the donations they received. 

    Little girls at that age are especially hit hard and if you are single, I would guess that you two are extremely close already. 

    Try the website and good luck.

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  • supermom390
    supermom390 Member Posts: 4
    edited May 2009

    Thank you for the Website. It had a lot of great information. I just started my first Chemo session yestureday and it will last 6 to 8 months, then onto Radiation. Kira seems to be handling it a little better. I have taken her to a couple of my appoinments just so she could meet the doctor for the Chemo and in case she had any question. Which she didn't but, I'm hoping that it helped. Thank you agagin for the website and take care :o)

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  • jader
    jader Member Posts: 223
    edited May 2009

    I hope you found the right one ...  I just realized it should have an "s" not the "z" .. don't know why I did that/?

    http://www.kidskonnected.org/

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  • jader
    jader Member Posts: 223
    edited May 2009

    Oh, I see what I did ... I knew it had an unusual spelling ...  the right website uses the s for kids ... but a "K" for konnected .. instead of "connected" ..

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  • supermom390
    supermom390 Member Posts: 4
    edited June 2009

    I did find the correct website. Thank you again and there was a lot of great information :o) Have a wonderful week

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  • worldhookahcom
    worldhookahcom Member Posts: 1
    edited July 2009

    NOt to much I can say but, I don`t care if the doctor tells you stand on your head 1 hour a day. God please do it. I just lost my mom Monday to Cancer, Breast / developed in to worse. I am a grown man and I am still crying. If not for your self do the treatments for the little girl.

     It will not be easy on you. But be strong If you can raise a 9 year old this is a cake walk. I am not sure what to say as to where to direct her I wish I did. This post is more for you I am sorry to say. Just stick it out. You can pull though this. You will be in my prayers later this morning when I go to sleep. Good luck with everything.

     Sincerely, Neal

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  • SweetnPetite
    SweetnPetite Member Posts: 1
    edited July 2009

    Hello,

    first I want to say that my heart aches for you and your daughter. I was 8 yrs old when my mom was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer.  She and my dad divorced a few years before her diagnosis so at that point, it was just her and I and had been for awhile.  She was a single working mother and everything she did, she did for me.  I am 24 now but I remember how I felt while she was sick and being treated. I was angry at her in my own selfish way for being so tired all the time.  I wanted her to be my mom, the one who was full of life and beauty.   Kids at school did not understand and would cut me off if I tried to talk about it; saying "ewww gross" and things like that.  Kids made comments when she lost her hair and I would get upset.  I realize now that at ages 8-11, children can be really cruel. 

     My mom found a free support group for us to go to called "Friends Like Me."  It definetly helped to some degree. I noticed you found a group, Kids Connected, do you like it?  How is that going?

    Similarly, I can remember feeling ambivalent to growing breasts when I was your daughters age as well (I was a late bloomer so they boobs came later on.  Apparently my order didn't ship in full because they never really showed up either!  Ha.  Seriously, I specifically remember asking my mom "but what if I get breast cancer?"  She reassured me that by the time I was old enough to get it, there woulkd be a cure.  Sad.  

    After reading the posts from above, I saw my mom endure so much to live for me, (various rounds of chemo, radiation, a bone marrow transplant, and finally a drug called Taxol I think(made from tree bark or something).)  Anyways, I know she wanted to live for me, she was desperate to live for me.  It was the most unselfish and amazing statement of unconditional love that I have ever felt.  However, I harbor guilt and regret for all the pain I saw her go through.  Her strength inspires me constantly though.  What's horrible and I continue to feel guilty for, especially now is being annoyed that she was always tired or cranky. Although, sometimes I had the insight tounderstand and to tell her, "you know mom, it is hard for me to go through this from the sidelines then I realize you are the one actually going through it."  She seemed to appreciate that. 

    Lastly, I apologize for going off on such a tangent! Your words and situation bring me back to my 9 yr old self and then the memories started pouring in and they were hard to stop.  One key difference is my mom was diagnosed very late.  You, on the other hand,  are going to get through this. I will help you in anyway I can to ensure it.  :)  Well its late so I hope everything I wrote makes sense for you tomorrow.  Hope to hear from you soon! goodnight

     Danielle

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  • shelbysmom
    shelbysmom Member Posts: 1
    edited March 2010
    hi, just need to talk to you.  My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend has been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer - terminal- since 2006.  My problem is their 9 yr old daughter.  She is constantly fighting with me, being rude and bratty.  Her parents were never married and they split up when their daughter was 6 months old, she's now 9.  This girl doesn't know life with her parents together.  Her dying mother is putting words in her head, mean horrible words and actions...this little girl can' t understand why (now) her father isn't married to her mom, why he never gave her a ring and why I'm there.  She really hates me.  I can't add a plant to the house let alone change anything in the house because "my mom use to live here and this is the way it's going to stay"...this lady and her mouth haven't been in the house for 9 yrs!  And she is destroying this little girl, not to mention she's destroying my 2 yr relationship with this man.  How can a "mom" who is dying be so mean and tell her only daughter lies to screw her up mentally.  How did you deal with your father during this time and did your father have a girlfriend or wife at the time.  Please emal me back at shelbysmom@mail.com Thanks so much for any time you give me.
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  • ritylag
    ritylag Member Posts: 5
    edited August 2010

    Wow. My daughter is nine years old and my husband divorced me a year after my diagnosis. My daughter has had a wonderful outlook with lots of support from friends and family. She has the option to talk to a therapist if she is upset and concerned with stuff she doesn't want to burden me with. These little girls grow up so fast thinking they have to play mom. I am cancer free now, but I wonder how much of a pyschological dent it will be on her with her mom going through cancer and divorce at the same time. She is pretty well adjusted because I keep her active in school stuff, music, play dates, etc. and just down time with me. I think she realizes she has a support group in church, at school, with her cousins, etc. I am very blessed to have these as well. Maybe this other little girl of which you speak needs to discuss her concerns with a third party. Can't hurt. Good luck

    ritylag

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