first chemo done

I don't think we're looking to "blame", ourselves or something else;  rather we're looking to understand our circumstances or even better, to glean some wisdom from this experience.  And, for those of us with daughters, to pass along that wisdom. 

I agree that this experience is one that will weave the tapestry of our lives.  Trust me, I never thought I'd be on this journey.  For gosh sake, I got my Teaching Certificate less then one year ago, I never even got to get a full time teaching position!  But, for whatever reason, some "greater entity" has uprooted me in the midst of my plans and detoured me towards their plan.  I accept that (even if, as is often the case with detours, I don't know where I'll end up).  This is who we are now...and like you said Jill, we look toward the future stronger, wiser and with more peace. 

Jill, one more thing I can agree with you about, I, too did some crazy-ass things to myself during my teens and early twenties, God, don't you miss the '80's? 

Janet

Hi Jill,

Oh I did my share of searching, even asked my mother if she was given DES while pregnant with me (doesn't the "mother" always get blamed? )  I thought, perhaps, I didn't wash my fruits/veggies enough, etc.  However, if the experts don't know what brings this about, I figure I certainly can't figure it out.  The past is past, I need to enjoy today! 

Before teaching I was a Paralegal in the New Jersey Attorney's Office. - Yeah, I know, quite a career change!   But when you think about it - working with Lawyers  or 6-year olds - it's not that different - a lot of hand holding and breaking up fights!!!  However, teaching is a much better "fit" for my personality.

Well I am off to enjoy today.  I want to take a walk and go Kayaking before going to a picnic.  Tomorrow I have my first chemo so I'm not too sure when I'll be able to enjoy being really active again. May you all have a wonderful day with your loved ones.

Janet

I do sort of miss the eighties... Not the clothing, but I really miss the excitement from the music.  I remember being so excited to get my first Cure record, and trying to tape Depeche Mode and Heaven 17 off the New Wave show on the local college radio station, and heavy black eyeliner and putting safety pins in my ears... Crashing frat parties with my friend Jacque...   whoo, okay, should quit now before Memory Lane becomes Trash Alley... 

The psychology of cancer is really fascinating.   I know a woman who's been clear for 6 years now, which would thrill most of us. However, she's not moved on, and there's always a new explanation for her cancer, whether it be plastics, milk, hormones, chemicals, pollution...  I'm a bit of an environmental nutwing myself, so I'm not unsympathetic to any of this, and certainly believe that we've changed our environment and we're dependent on a massively complicated food system in ways that are probably not great for any of us.  I loved Mark Bittman's book "Food Matters" on this point...

Anyway, six years out from her last chemo, this individual's life is still organized around keeping her personal environment as pure as possible, to point that her entire life remains consumed by cancer.  After reading Jill's post, I began to wonder if this individual does in some sense blame herself for  getting cancer, and if her life now isn't anything more than a fierce atonement for her dissolute past (which probably involved beer, eating the occasional hamburger and a handful of Brach's candies now and then).  It's an oddly obsessive and joyless way of living.

Fortunately most of us aren't so singleminded.  Chelev is right; it's all about balance.  There's a fine line between identifying risk factors and minimizing those, and becoming obsessed with controlling our lives and world so that this never happens again.  I'll do my best to prevent it from coming back; but I also plan to shelve this project at some point in the not-too-distant future. 

I'm a bit of a Buddhist, and my beliefs about all of this boil down to one simple thing: we are temporary beings.   None of us are exempt from disease or suffering.  Cancer brings that home in a very powerful way and most of us, I think, find that to be an oddly joyful gift. 

I really don't care what caused it, I just want it over with..........I do wonder, and was inquisitive about chelev taking the estratest too...but not to the point of extremes. For all I know, nothing could have caused it, just one of those things. I guess in the long run, none of us will ever know, just another turn in the corner of life.

At any rate, go for my first radiation appt today, guess will be measured and all of that. I've had a month where no one has poked, stuck or pushed on me, have enjoyed it alot, guess that's over with! LOL......but after radiation, all i have left is the armidex and I am thrilled!!!!!!!

Hugs and prayers

Deb

Hello All,

Well, as expected the first chemo treatment went well.  I got home a little bit ago and feel pretty well.  I told my daughters that the onc. nurse said to stay hydrated and suck ice, so I guess that means that chemo days are now Water Ice days!   I do expect some yucky side effects, I only hope they are minimal. 

Cruise: It was so good to hear the word "port" used in the context of cruising and not "chemo-ing".  Glad to hear you had a good weekend.  Isn't it amazing what doing "normal" things can do for the soul? 

I try to check back later or tomorrow.  Take care and thanks for all of the good wishes and thoughts.

Janet

Hi Janet !

One down !   I hope you continue to stay well.  I was thinking about you today.   While chemo is no fun, at least you got this first one out of the way.   That, in of itself, is a milestone.    Do you get the Neulasta shot tomorrow ?

Take care now and write when you feel up to it.

Cindy - Hello.   Sounds like a wonderful week end.  You know my feeling on Scoma's.  Now I am jealous.   Also sounds like you did not miss much on that cruise.  So, let's hear it for saving your money.   I am sure you got a big old cruise planned for when you are done, don't you ?

I am beat tonight.  So, going to sign off.   Got herceptin tomorrow for the first time in seven weeks, but at least I can start again.   Will catch you ladies later.

Jill

Hi all,

Janet - Glad to hear you did well with your first chemo - it is a good feeling to know you are on your way.

Cruise - Sounds like you have a great group of friends - we all know how important those support systems are!

Jill - Did you see Oprah Winfrey on Monday?  She had Christina Applegate on along with an entire audience of breast cancer survivors, Susan G. Koman's sister and some oncologists - the thrust of the program was prevention, especially in regards to enviornmental factors.  I thought of you and the discussion here about finding out the reason we got breast cancer.  What I realized listening to this program was that science is a long way from figuring this out, and if a bunch of brilliant minds can't come up with sure fire prevention, how could I possibly figure it out.  We just have to keep supporting each other and the research that will hopefully save our children from going through this.

Deb - good luck with rads appointment

I am reluctantly going for my 3rd A/C on Thursday, a week late - I say reluctantly because this time last week I was in the hospital with high fevers and viral pneumonitis.  Onc checked me today, says lungs are clear.  I told him I was nervous about getting another treatment so soon, and he said "I understand, but I'm not nervous - you'll be fine.  You just had bad luck".  He doesn't want me to fall too far behind on treatment, so we go!  You can believe that if I get a tickle in my throat, that phone of his will be ringing!

Hope everyone has a good week

Geri

Janet... CONGRATULATIONS!  One down and five to go.  I'll be joining you in a couple of weeks. I get my port on the 9th, chemo class on the 5th.  I'm going scarf and makeup shopping this weekend - gonna go to Bare Minerals and get some nice stuff to make me look purty...

Jill - will be thinking of you today as you get that Herceptin tx, girlfriend! 

Cruise - I haven't been to Scoma's, but when I'm in the Bay area (my sister is a high school principal in San Leandro, just south of Oakland), we go to Scott's in Jack London Square.  MMMMMM - steamed clams and mussels with sourdough bread and a bottle of Pinot Grigio, heaven... 

Geri - I'm crossing my fingers that you sail through this next treatment.   I hope your oncologist is right and this one is a piece of cake.

Hugs to all,

 Laura  

Hello all !

Done now with hercepin # 6.  Only 12 more (i.e 36 more weeks) to go.   I just had to look at the calendar.   Assuming no more delays, that puts me done sometime around the first week in February 2010.  Port out maybe a month or so later.  Sigh....   I guess one treatment at a time.

While herceptin is much easier than regular chemo, I still feel like I get hit by a truck the day I get it - largely due to the Benedryl I think.   Today was no exception.  I slept it off all afternoon.

Today's was especially potent.  We had something really weird happen today.   When I arrived at the treatment center, the power was off.   They only have a back up generator for the really important stuff like the refrigerator they put some meds in.  Anyway, they first thing they said to me was that they were not sure they would be able to give the treatment.  I though.. oh, no... yet another delay.   Well, anyway I told them I still wanted to see my doc because I had an appointment before scheduled treatment anyway.   So.. they get all the vitals, poke my finger, using the old fashioned manual equipment.   Then, take me back to a room.  My doc shows up with a flashlight.  I am not kidding.  Pitch black in that office and she and I talking in the dark with a flashlight.  Weird.   About halfway through the visit... the lights go back on !   Yea !

Anyway, due to the power outage, they were WAY behind.  Took me forever to get back to the treatment center, and when I did, it was packed because of all these backed up people.   I was nervous since my port had not been accessed for 7 weeks.  But, lo and behold, it worked just great.  Doc decided to get the full chem panel this time because I have been a little fatigued and sore (no results yet, but my counts are good).   So, they took blood and then hooked me up to saline.  Like to have taken forever for the herceptin to be hung.  Well, this nurse started dripping  it real slowly (supposed to take about 90 minutes), but damn... seemed like it was going soooo slow.   I think she realized it, and at one point said "I am going to speed you up".  She did that, and that is when I felt like I got hit by a truck.  Could not even keep my eyes open.  Next thing I remember, she is waking me up and telling me I was done.   Came home and slept for like three hours this afternoon.  Still a little groggy, but much better now.  But, I was at that center for for about 4 and a half hours today - just for herceptin.  

We also had some funny dynamics in the treatment center today.   I went way in the back where it was nice and quiet.  There were people in there, but everyone doing quiet activities.  TV was off.  There are two TVs and the one in the front was on, which is why I went in the back.  I listen to my Ipod.  Anyway, a little later this grumpy lady comes to the back, and complains that the TV is not on.  To which, this other grumpy lady says she does not want the TV on.  I thought we were going to have a cancer/chemo cat fight right there in the treatment center.   The lady who wants the TV on wins out, (much to the dismay of the rest of us).   The other grumpy lady stuffs tissues in her ears.  I turn up my Ipod.   And I STILL managed to fall asleep in the midst of all this.   Helps when you feel you get hit by a truck. 

Also, doc and I talked a while about my heart being "abnormally" normal.  I read the report the cardiologist sent.  He did call it "equivocol" and said my EKG was slightly "abnormal", but given the pictures from the ultrasound taken during the stress test, he cleared me for treatment.    That was good enough for me.  Doc also mentioned that the "puffiness" from all this stuff done to me on my right side (i.e. surgery and radiation) was "changing" and that likely it would get "harder" over time - like a rubber ball (lovely).   She said that all this soreness I am feeling on the right side around my rib cage was typical and that it could take months or even years to go away.   She was just a wealth of good news today.

But, I have to admit, I do like my doc.  She is cautious but thorough, listens to me, takes time with me and explains things well.  So, can't ask for much more.   We have come to an easy truce on tamoxifen - we just don't bring it up any more.  I think she knows what I am going to say, which is I don't want to take it.    She treated me as if I were ER/PR neg (which I essentially am).  I just don't see the benefit of taking tamoxifen for my situation given the benefit/risk ratio.   I think she thinks I have a point on this.   

Well.. I did not expect this post to get so long, so I will start a different one to check on you ladies.

Jill  

Hi All,

   I just wanted to let you know that I am feeling very well.  I know it's only day one (or was treatment day #1)  and most SE will happen on day 2 or 3, so I'll wait to see what happens then.  I did go today for the Neulasta shot, so I'l also wait for the bone pain. 

 Oh, daughter just reminded me that I have to take her to soccer, will try to get back to you all later tonight....I have some questions (of course.

Janet

Janet....good to hear all is well so far. Keep us updated...it will help Kaidog too...

Jill...herceptin..has not been easy for you.  My gosh of all people to have the power go out.  You know sleeping through it...was a good thing.

I went outside for about 5 minutes...and came in the house and sat under the ceiling fan...it was a scorcher today...

Geez another thing that causes cancer

------------Please do not turn on A/C immediately as soon as you enter the car. Open the windows after you enter your car and turn ON the air-conditioning after a couple of minutes.
Here's why:

According to a research, the car dashboard, sofa, air freshener emit Benzene, a Cancer causing toxin (carcinogen - take time to observe the smell of heated plastic in your car).
In addition to causing cancer, Benzene poisons your bones, causes anemia and reduces white blood cells. Prolonged exposure will cause Leukemia, increasing the risk of cancer. May also cause miscarriage.

Acceptable Benzene level indoors is 50 mg per sq. ft..

A car parked indoors with windows closed will contain 400-800 mg of Benzene. If parked outdoors under the sun at a temperature above 60 degrees F, the Benzene level goes up to 2000-4000 mg, 40 times the acceptable level... people who get into the car, keeping windows closed will inevitably inhale, in quick succession excessive amounts of the toxin.
Benzene is a toxin that affects your kidney and liver. What's worse, it is extremely difficult for your body to expel this toxic stuff.

So please open the windows and door of your car - give time for the interior to air out -dispel the deadly stuff - before you enter.

Hi Everyone,

  Day 2 and still doing pretty well.  I'm tired, very tired, but not nauseous.  (Thank God!)  I did get the Neulasta shot yesterday - is bone pain a definite SE or just a potential SE of the shot?  I've been doing a lot of saltines and water so I think that has helped with the queasiness.

 DEB 6122:  Hope you're doing well.  Seems like we're on the same schedule. 

DEBFROMOHIO:  Thanks for the info. 

KAIDOG:  I'm happy to give you encouragement.  So far it really hasn't been too bad.  Didn't sleep too well last night even with two benedryl.  That could even account for today's fatigue. 

JILL:  Your power outage story was amusing.  The Chemo Cat fight must have been a charming scene.  (I have to admit, I find that I'm getting upset with things a little easier than usual today)

Cruise;  Thanks for all of the good advice.  So, how many days do I have to keep pumping down water?  Seems a shame to wash away all of those expensive drugs. 

I want to thank everyone for their care and concern.  I know most of you are past this part that I am just embarking on and the fact that you can enlighten me is a comfort.  I must say that I go on a couple of other threads, but there isn't a thread out there where the women are as kind, caring and smart as you.  I am blessed to have found this supportive network.  Thanks.

Janet

Good Afternoon Ladies...

I had number 10 Rad this morning which means I tomorrow I will be a third of the way done....only 23 more to go...No burning on the boob yet...so that is good.  I heard that another patient in the room next to me this morning just started to get some blistering and she is 5 1/2 weeks into the radiation...hopefully I will slide right through it all.

Janet...You need to continue to drink lots of water...and you will feel like you are floating sometimes...but it will help with the side effects and get that stuff through your system...think of it like a cold...the more you drink the bad stuff gets out and flushes through your body.

Geri...glad it went well for you today...keeping our fingers crossed and prayers going for you...

Debbie...sounds like you are doing well...I had no bone pain with Nuelasta...just a slight fever afterwards.  You will get tired and fatigued...that we couldn't avoid.

Deb...thanks for sharing the auto air...I had heard that before..but I thought the law had changed for the car manufactures and what they put in the air conditioners.

Okay...still warm here in CA...so I am heading out to the pool to cool off...Take care ladies...

That blew me away when I read that about the car because just like everyone else, I get in and turn the A/C on...can't help it....now I roll my window down! NOT taking any chances..........

That bear thing..mmm...can't remember where I got it, probably off of myspace...........LOL...

Hugs

Deb