Anyone have a mood disorder before diagnosis?

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  • Debonthelake
    Debonthelake Member Posts: 244
    edited May 2009

    I agree there is definitely a biochemical side to depression.  As an R.N. and Licensed Professional Counselor I always believed it.  But, when I went into menopause I really believed it.  I did my research and SSRI antidepressants seemed much safer to treat menopause symptoms than hormones.  I've been on a low dose of lexapro for several years.  I don't think I'll ever go off of it entirely because it also helps with IBS.  When I go off of it the gastrointestinal problems return.  So even when I feel cool, calm and collected without medication my intestines have ideas of their own.

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  • konakat
    konakat Member Posts: 6,085
    edited May 2009

    Cleomoon -- how are you doing?  I hope your doctor up's your meds -- it's stressful enough without having the serotonin running amuck. 

    Yeah, I'm one of those people that behavioural modification doesn't work.  It isn't situational stuff that only gets me down -- it's biochemical chaos!  I'm happy a RN posted -- supporting us who have to take these meds.  I look at it as a chronic disease that needs to be balanced out with meds -- just like other physical maladies.

    Anyway, Cleo -- let us know how you're doing.

    Elizabeth

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  • cleomoon
    cleomoon Member Posts: 443
    edited May 2009

    Hi Everyone,

    Lynne: I sent you a PM.

    Deb: Never heard of an antidepressant helping with IBS. Glad you have that extra benefit. Cymbalta really messed up my GI.

    Elizabeth: Thank you so much for asking how I am doing. I am just getting ready to post again. Not doing so well still, but hanging on tight.

    Cleo

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  • cleomoon
    cleomoon Member Posts: 443
    edited May 2009

    Elizabeth,

    You put it so well. Biochemical chaos. That feels like me. Mix in the situational chaos/stress and its a mess.

    I am shaky,still having problems with sleep and can't seem to get rid of the negative thoughts/images for longer than a few hours with distraction.Calling to schedule the pre-op tests today set me off again. I am seriously thinking the early trauma stuff and trauma related to my Mom is really stirred up. I have not had intense PTSDy stuff like this for a few years. My fear is out of proportion to what I am actually facing? It's only an excisional exploratory surgery. Inside I am getting messages that I should not have the surgery...It's dangerous..I am having trouble shaking the image of the surgeon cutting me with a scapel, and a wire being inserted into me prior to the surgery. I am taking it one thirty minute block at a time. Did speak with the psychiatrist, but will be calling him again tomorrow.

    Thanks so much for all of your support.

    Cleo

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  • Debonthelake
    Debonthelake Member Posts: 244
    edited May 2009

    Cleo,

    So sorry you are so out of whack.  It's miserable when you have intrusive thoughts that you can not control.  The right dose of an SSRI should help eventually.  Then self talk and counseling can be of great benefit.  The surgery and such is not great but, it is doable and much less dangerous than doing nothing.  I'll keep you in my prayers.  Hang in there.  It will get better.  All of it.

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  • lynnea
    lynnea Member Posts: 226
    edited May 2009
    Hi Cleo-Thank you for your PM, I really appreciated it. I was kind of nervous about putting myself "out there", but if it can help other people, I'm grateful. That's why I'm going to reply here rather than PM you back. You said in an earlier post that you thought you were addicted to the high level of anxiety. That's not as wacky as you may think. It is a real addiction of sorts. For many years, I think I was addicted to the high drama my depression created in my life, and I did things that were not very healthy and it became a vicious cycle. The therapy did help alot with that, as did the alanon. Desdemona mentioned a book called Listening to Prozac. It made me laugh because I think I was the FIRST person to buy that book, along with every possible self help book on the market.LOL! But one of the things that book talks about is being "ready for prozac", and I think there is some truth to that,especially for people who are addicted to drama. I had been in therapy for 10 years by the time I was able to start the med and by that time I had learned a lot of healthy coping skills. By the time I started the med I was ready to be "content". What I mean by this is many people on meds complain that they feel numb or flat. What they don't realize is that THAT IS NORMAL, that's how healthy people feel! I think if I had not been "ready for prozac" I would have missed that rollarcoaster that was my emotional life. Because I was addicted to the extreme feelings and the chaos they created. As time has gone on I do experience emotional extremes. But now I can experience them and they don't control me. It is a JOURNEY-and there will be many bumps in the road and sometimes it's 1 step forward and 3 steps back, but you have to know that you are making progress. You're here talking about it and that is progress. I can't believe I just said that JOURNEY thing! My shrink used to say that all the time... LOL......he used to say, "IT'S A P-R-O-C-E-S-S.....!!! I can look back now and laugh- he would be so amazed that I taking care of my bitchy mother for 6 years!!! I'm amazed at myself sometimes. That's not to say I don't have stress-I'm just better at handling it. Oh and my doctor did raise my prozac dose 10mg when my dad died and left me with this mess!!! Keep on keeping on....You'll have the biopsy next week and I hope it will be anticlimatic for you and you get good news. YOU DO DESERVE GOOD NEWS and a big
    <<<<<HUG>>>>> Praying you have some peace this weekend Lynne

    PS there is an auther by the name of Janet Evanovich who writes about this spunky bounty hunter named Stephanie Plum. The books are a series starting with "One For the Money" She is up to #12 now and I have to say these books are pee-in-your-pants funny and may help to be a distraction.
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  • lynnea
    lynnea Member Posts: 226
    edited May 2009

    PS again-I don't know what I'm doing wrong with these posts-I leave spaces between the text and then when I hit Submit it comes out all squished together!!! WHY IS THAT?? Just venting...you don't have to answer that...LOL....such a computer dunce!! Lynne

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  • cleomoon
    cleomoon Member Posts: 443
    edited May 2009

    Hey Lynne,

    I bet your doc would tell you that yours has been an amazing journey into recovery I feel proud of you. Hope that does not sound wierd. You have worked really hard. You give me a little piece of hope that I may yet be able to get off the roller coaster. I really like the idea of being ready. I think that is so true. It does take a lot of work to get there. Here's one I am sure you have heard. Trust the process...LOL. I have had very patient therapists. I know I will look back and say wow that wasn't so bad..after I let go of my addiction to anxiety.

    Thanks for the book recommendation. I really should read some fiction instead of intellectual stuff.

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  • cleomoon
    cleomoon Member Posts: 443
    edited May 2009

    Deb,

    You know the only SSRI I haven't tried is Prozac. I am currently on Celexa. I think it pooped out however, which does happen. I will try to convince myself that "the surgery is doable, not dangerous and less dangerous than doing nothing."

    Thanks,

    Cleo

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  • desdemona222b
    desdemona222b Member Posts: 776
    edited May 2009

    I believe Celexa is chemically very close to Prozac, if I'm remembering right. 

    Listen, everything is going to be alright, cleo.  You'll be fine.  The surgery isn't nearly as bad as it seems it will be - the fear and nervousness are much worse than the surgery.  Tell yourself reassuring things - force yourself if you must.  Tell yourself, "I'm going to be fine.  I can do this." often.  It just may help.

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  • lynnea
    lynnea Member Posts: 226
    edited June 2009

    Has anyone ever heard this prayer? (I bet Desdemona has)

                                        God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change,

                                        COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know

                                        the difference.

    I still have a hard time with the wisdom part!! Hope everyone is doing well today.  Lynne

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  • lynnea
    lynnea Member Posts: 226
    edited June 2009
    Cleo-I'm thinking about you today. Just wanted to send good wishes for your surgery tommorrow. I'm praying it goes well and you get good results and they don't find anything else. Please try to get some sleep tonight. I KNOW you'll do fine. Hang in there and <<<<<HUGS>>>>> Lynne
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  • konakat
    konakat Member Posts: 6,085
    edited June 2009

    Good luck Cleo!  We'll be thinking of you!

    And ditto on Janet Evanovich!  I looove the Grandma.  And loooove Ranger in a total different way. Wink  BTW -- She's up to Finger Lickin' Fifteen -- it's on order at my library!!

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  • Debonthelake
    Debonthelake Member Posts: 244
    edited June 2009

    Good luck Cleo!

    Yes, I love the serenity prayer and it helped me a lot through out my experience with BC.

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  • cleomoon
    cleomoon Member Posts: 443
    edited June 2009

    Thank you Lynne, Elizabeth, and Deb Big (((Hug))) to each of you,

    Reading your well wishes before surgery meant so much to me. The wire local thing was very traumatic for me Cry I came so close to passing out. Cold sweat, stars and queasiness...

    Then in between the compressions, I finally just sobbed, and then the passing out feeling passed. Definitely some little kid PTSD getting triggered there. I am so glad it is over. The compressions were the worst I have had pain wise. Surgery of course was a welcome relief. I was so ready to be knocked out.

    I felt pretty good yesterday evening when I got home. Now I am kinda foggy headed, the breast is sore, and feels funky. Actually my neck, back, and shoulder pain/stiffness seem worse than the breast pain. I hope the narcotic takes care of that pain tonight. Emotionally I am very sad yet I am not letting myself go there right now. Therapy on Monday will hopefully help me just let loose with the sobbing for stress relief.

    I am not quite sure whether to ice my breast. No instructions were given to do this. But it feels good to do it. I will have the path results by Tuesday. I do really like my BS. Weirdly though I don't want her to see me scared, and upset. I want to be strong, brave and a "big girl." Hum wonder where I learned that message from...LOL

    Luv u gals tonight.

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  • konakat
    konakat Member Posts: 6,085
    edited June 2009

    I'm so happy you made it through -- it sure isn't fun and you got through it fine.  Yes, keep icing your breast, I was advised to do that and it sure helped.  And hey, if you feel like crying, cry!  We've all done it (lots of it), whether receiving bad news, or just out of the blue.  It's strange how it sneaks up on you -- you think you're handling things just fine and the smallest thing can set you off.  And don't worry about being a "big girl" with your surgeon -- big girl or little girl, it's scary for everyone.  If you weren't scared or upset it would be unusual. 

    Cleo -- It sounds that you did just great.  And I hope you have a good therapy session on Monday. 

    Elizabeth

    xoo

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  • lynnea
    lynnea Member Posts: 226
    edited June 2009
    Hey Cleo-glad you posted !  I was starting to get worried something went wrong. I'm so glad you GOT THROUGH it, YOU DID, YOU GO GIRL!!Smile   It dosn't matter that you cried, as Elizabeth said it would abnormal if you didn't. When I had my stereotactic I sat in the car afterwards and bawled my eyes out. I didn't know where it came from. Relief I guess. Have a good cry if you need it, just set a timer for 20 min or so-so you don't get sucked into that depressive vortex!  Have a good session tommorow and I hope you hear good news soon.      <<<HUGS>>>    Lynne
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  • cleomoon
    cleomoon Member Posts: 443
    edited June 2009

    Pathology results LCIS.

    UGH! I have dove into the murky waters of the uncertainty of how to treat this. Continued high risk monitoring seems to be the "staus quo" (like I trust this at the moment) for LCIS. I have my followup next week with the BS and will likely discuss BPM with her. The personal question for me is when does the 6 mo.testing and repeated biopsies get to be psychologically too much. Also I do not want to take tamoxifen.

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  • Debonthelake
    Debonthelake Member Posts: 244
    edited June 2009

    I hear you.  Sometimes it just seems easier to be aggressive and get some of the worry behind you.  Would the BPM mean you wouldn't have to take tamoxifen or another drug like it?

    Best to you

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  • cleomoon
    cleomoon Member Posts: 443
    edited June 2009

    Hi Deb,

    Yes I would not need to take Tamoxifen/Rads/Chemo if I went that route. Unless pathology found some invasive cancer after BPM's.

    I do hope my Breast Surgeon can help me with this. There is no rush to do anything. Only real thing that would be suggested is to take tamoxifen and continue my monitoring. I really have to get a grip on this anxiety.

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  • lynnea
    lynnea Member Posts: 226
    edited June 2009
    Hey Cleo-sorry you got the crappy news. No easy answers about what to do. I hope that talking with the breast surgeon will help you make the best decision for you. It's a big step, just take your time, that way you'll be able to make plans re: insurance, time off etc.. so you have the best possible outcome. And taking it slow may help to rachet down the anxiety, so you can feel more in control. <<<HUGS>>> Lynne
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  • konakat
    konakat Member Posts: 6,085
    edited June 2009

    Sorry about the news -- I wonder what your BS will recommend.  Have you asked the other LCIS women for advice?  Re tamox -- are you worried about it and your anxiety meds?  Even though Effexor hasn't been shown to react with tamox my onc still had me reduce the dose by half.  But if it was too hard on me I could go back up to the regular dose.

    Let us know what you find out next week.

    Elizabeth

    xox

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  • cleomoon
    cleomoon Member Posts: 443
    edited June 2009

    Hi,

    Thank you again for such wonderful support.

    I realized that at this point I have let the anxiety about the breast stuff become my next addictive drama. It's unhealthy. A great excuse not to go forward with the challenge of moving out of the addictive state of being. At least I am aware rationally that I am doing this to myself. I need to do some journalling about my options for treatment, make the choice for now and do my best to move out of the fear.

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  • jules4evr39
    jules4evr39 Member Posts: 203
    edited June 2009

    Hi everyone..just read most all the post on here...glad I found this topic. I was dx as bi-polar last year(on lamictal now and feel so much better). For some years now I have found myself burning the candle at both ends for a couple weeks, then just sitting there starring at the walls for even longer, like my feet were cemented in the floor. My 1st husband was killed in a motorcycle accident in 2005, then my mom was dx with lung cancer 6 months later, then my mom died just 3 days after I remarried and 6 months later I was dx with IDC. Mastectomy in Nov. Just took first tamox last night,,,b/c I have finally worked through all that, emotionally, and finally feeling normal, I have been terrified to take the tamox. what is to come now?...uuuugh! I just want to be normal!!!

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  • desdemona222b
    desdemona222b Member Posts: 776
    edited June 2009

    Hi, cleo -

    I was diagnosed with LCIS in 2002 when I had surgery for my DCIS.  My surgeon told me not to worry about it - it isn't true cancer, it's more like atypical cells.  Anyway, I'm 7 years out and doing great.

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  • jules4evr39
    jules4evr39 Member Posts: 203
    edited June 2009

    we reallyneedto keep this thread going...I Know there a lot of us out there....jules

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  • cleomoon
    cleomoon Member Posts: 443
    edited June 2009

    Hey Jules,

    I am on lamictal also. Not sure if it is helping much. Glad to hear that it really has had a positive effect for you. Working through the many losses you experienced certainly is no easy task. I would not say I am back to my normal "neurotic" self yet since diagnosis a week and a half ago. My old losses are still all mixed up with the new stuff. I am really anxious tonight as usual. Drinking coffee and smoking certainly are not helping. I have decided not to take tamoxifen for now. I hope the side effects are manageable for you.

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  • jules4evr39
    jules4evr39 Member Posts: 203
    edited June 2009

    Cleomoon,

    You should try the quit smoking thread on here. I just started one about cig replacent (phisically) I think under alternaive tx.I am not sleepy either...but with coffee,I see you don't want to sleep at all...lol. The lamital has saved my life..after all my stuff went on, I was not sure if I wanted to survive..my head is straight now..on 200mg and phyc. has tried to increase it. Wanting to work through this more first

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  • jules4evr39
    jules4evr39 Member Posts: 203
    edited June 2009

    quit smoking is under "help eget through Tx.

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  • cleomoon
    cleomoon Member Posts: 443
    edited June 2009

    i am on the quit smoking thread. it is a great supportive/funny spot

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