help me explain not embracing the pink

NatureGrrl · May 2009

First of all, for all of you who do like to wear the breast cancer pink and symbol, this is in no way a slam against you. I support those of you who like to wear the pink.

But I don't. And it's my own preference, for me only. I wouldn't begin to suggest that others should do what I do, but I do need help from those of you who don't embrace the pink.

Several people have given me breast cancer-related gifts: the pink ribbon pin, a blanket, a couple of totes with the breast cancer symbol and color... and while I appreciate the that others are thinking of me and trying to do something they consider supportive, I don't want to wear/carry/whatever the symbol or the color. I can't figure out why, exactly. I'm certainly not hiding my cancer (one look at my head tells everyone what I'm going through!) and I talk about it freely if someone wants to know, so that's not it. I've never been a huge soft pink person anyway, so that's part of it, I'm sure. But now especially I find myself not wanting to flaunt the breast cancer color. I don't want to use the pink totes, wear a pink hat, etc. For one thing, it's not a color I would wear on a hat or whatever anyway (hot pink, mauve, whatever: fine. bc pink: not). Some people seem offended if they ask me if I want whatever (pink bc T-shirt was the most recent offer) and I say just say no thanks, but that's what I may continue to do...not sure I owe people an explanation but I'd like to be able to articulate this in my own mind. I tend to not be a symbol-wearer anyway so maybe that's it (I don't wear t-shirts with holiday stuff on them, for example). The bc stuff feels like an advertisement, it feels like I'm wearing a membership badge, and it just doesn't feel right. I don't know why that bothers me and the bald head/scarves don't. They basically say the same thing.

Anyone else have this conundrum? How do you nicely explain to people that you don't want no more stinkin' pink? Laughing Can you articulate my thinking any better than I am? I'm just trying to figure out my own muddled thinking in my own mind at this point...

everyminute · May 2009

I was literally nauseated by the sight of a pink ribbon (much more so than chemo) while going through treatment. Why would I want to advertise it (that is what it felt like to me at the time - marketing)?

I am feeling a little less strongly about it now. I always liked the color pink before and am back to wearing it - though I dont like anything with ribbons on it. I got a tattoo with the word hope and pink stars (no ribbon for me thank you). I have a warrior shirt - its maroon :-) I do have a lot of livestrong stuff - my favorite shirt says "Hope Rides Again" with Livestrong on the back.

So I guess I am in the middle of the road.

apple · May 2009

i don't wear pink.. too girlish. i don't have problem nicely telling people that pink is not me, that i certainly do not want to advertize the fact that i have cancer, i never wear logos either (altho i suppose if I had a huge Louis Vuitton music bag i wouldn't hide over it.

To me, the color pink, on a washed out by chemo face that lacks hair, is the absolutely worst choice, I wear a khaki baseball hat cause if matches everything and actually makes me look healthy in contrast... even without eyelashes.

i don't think would ever DARE to give me anything pink, come to think of it. (i would save pink gifts and leave them at the cancer center).

Thank you for letting me share in your pink dislike.

My uber tough son, age 15, got himself a pink, shiney, breastcancer ribbon key chain which i am oddly proud or tho.

ktym · May 2009

I think its because it feels like we're drawing too much attention to ourselves and our illness. We already feel so badly that everyone around us is doing more and helping more and been so effected by this. Going bald isn't announcing it--it just means you refuse to hide and cover up. However, wearing a pink ribbon etc. seems like more of an announcement. If that makes sense.

saint · May 2009

For over 8 years I have had the same battle! I do not wish to offend anyone kind enough to think of gifting me or throw stones at anyone who finds comfort in pink. but to me it is a WHIMPY color & I am incensed by the marketing!

I HATE PINK! I do not believe that buying a pink blender is going to raise awareness at MY house---everyone who enters already knows I'm riddled with the beast! So let me buy a regular stainless blender on sale & just donate to research--PLEASE

I am tired of ppl trying to appear PC in order to make a friggin buck! Oh, how I COULD go on!!!!!!!!!

LOL & thanx for the rant space!!! That felt so good I may be back!

Rufusmama · May 2009

Same here. Never did wear much pink, but I don't feel the need to advertise that I have bc. One look and people can pretty much figure out that I am going through chemo for something. That's good enough for me unless it is my decision to tell them on an individual basis. The one thing I really like about the Lance Armstrong foundation is that it benefits patients with all types of cancers and not just those with breast cancer. Sometimes it seems that the "wearing of the pink" is a status symbol for some. When women show up at chemo with their pink hats, ribbons, shirts, etc., everyone there knows what they are being treated for. No other ribbon colors are as well known. For example, I don't know the colors of ribbons for those with colon cancer or pancreatic cancer. Are there ribbon colors for cancers of the skin, brain, lung, ovary, stomach, etc...?

saint · May 2009

yep---a color for each, but those members belong to secret clubs! Maybe we should take a lesson>>>>????? LOL & HUGS

EleanorJ · May 2009

I used to wear pink before BC so I'll continue to wear pink, now the ribbon... like some have mentionned, I'm not a logo person either. Comes next October, I might pin a ribbon on my purse for the month, then take it off after but I certainly wouldn't be sponsoring a pink robbion year round for the rest of my life. Am I ashamed of it? No, if I was, I wouldn't have gone bald in public for the past few months. As far as pink appliances? Not that I would want to decorate my kitchen pink, but I'm the only girl so it wouldn't be fair to hubby + 2 boys to load my kitchen with pink stuff! LOL!

Yeah, I don't know why once you get diagnosed people have the urge to give you pink ribbon stuff? I mean, seriously, have you ever since a man walking around with a "Prostate Cancer Survivor" shirt?

ddlatt · May 2009

thanks for bringing up this topic. i'm with you 100 percent. although i think the marketing of pink for breast cancer is brilliant and has brought awareness to the public and therefore hopefully more funding, i don't wear anything pink or wear anything that's associated with breast cancer. when i was first diagnosed, i went to a seminar about breast cancer, and it was a pink convention--pink notebooks, pens, shirts, hats, sweaters, purses, pins, stickers, magnets, you name it. obviously some people feel a great solidarity and kinship this way, like a sorority; some people wear the pink to spread awareness to others. i think whatever brings us a level of comfort dealing with our breast cancer is good. i'm a political and human rights activist and march in anti-war/pro-peace, gay rights marches, so i do join causes i believe in and work for them. the way i spread awareness of breast cancer is to publish my self-portraits of my bilateral mastectomy (san francisco magazine, april 2009) and spread the word about early detection. but i don't wear anything pink or anything with the symbol of the breast cancer ribbon. your post has made me examine why i don't. i never really thought about it in depth before; i just knew i didn't want to be part it. but after really thinking about it, i realize it's because having breast cancer and mastectomy and chemo and radiation has been traumatic for me, and aside from my photography and trying to help other women that way, i don't want to think about breast cancer any more than i have to. i already think about it every single day when i look in the mirror. i don't want this cancer to be my identity. maybe down the line when all this is way behind me, i'll feel more inclined to join that pink sorority. i was given lots and lots of pink stuff when i had surgery. i gave it all away to goodwill. my explanation? "i'm just not into pink."

bluedasher · May 2009

I've never liked pink. It was never a color I wore and I don't think it goes well with my complexion. Like Apple, no one has dared to give me something pink (though I expect that I would handle it with grace and quietly recycle the item to a thrift shop if they did). On the other hand if someone asked me if I wanted something, I think I would politely decline.

However, even if breast cancer used a color I liked, I doubt that I would want to label myself with it except perhaps at a breast cancer related event. I think partly the whole pink ribbon thing seems over commercialized to me. Companies making a very small donation if you buy their pink product. I'm kind of glad they chose a color that I don't like.

I'm not a big symbol wearer either, though I do enjoy wearing work related shirts that celebrate things like the release of a product that I've worked on. I guess I like it when the item advertises my accomplishment.

And I agree with what kmmd said. I don't mind showing the inevitable consequences of treatment like my bald head. Partly I feel that that shows my strength in going on with my normal activities during treatment. I can walk around with my bald or now plush-toy-fuzzy head and feel that breast cancer doesn't define me. But walking around with a pink T-shirt or tote seems like labeling myself with my disease.

jader · May 2009

Well, sometimes, it's easier to wear pink when you don't feel like putting on your wig or your makeup .. wear a pink scarf on your bald head, your pink shirt and guess what? No one stops you to ask why you have no hair.

I don't know why there are sooo many pink things and when someone gave me a set of pink candles with the symbol on it .. I didn't know what to do with them. They didn't match my deocr. And the big overszed sweat shirt with a huge pink ribbon? I only wear it at home when it's cold outside ... Otherwise I feel like the advertisement for bc!

But it's the marketing companies that should be forced to come up with something else .. our friends are just trying to show support thru a donation to our cause while getting us a gift. So like has been said, we graciously accept the gift.

Cancer Sucks t-shirts ... there were never more truer words written on a t-shirt!

ddlatt · May 2009

a friend sent me this "cancer t-shirt" and i don't wear it, but i do love the message:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/oceanbornstudios/3511642308/

murphmort · May 2009

The color pink doesn't go well with my complexion (red head) ... I absolutely did not want anything pink. However, after participating with my son's high school in last October's Making Strides for Breast Cancer (oldest BC walk in the country), I changed my mind. It was not easy walking into all the stores and seeing the pink displays. Time has mellowed how I feel.
I also participated in my daughter's college's Relay for Life and found so much support from these kids. One of my friends is undergoing chemo right now and a bunch of the high school girls had pink hair extensions put in to raise money for breast cancer. I figure if all these teenagers can raise money and awareness, I can wear pink!
It took me a while to get to this point .... my daughter wears a pink BC bracelet everyday. She was 19 years old, and driving her mom to radiation treatments, genetic counseling, etc. My 15 year old son is considering a career in pharmacy because of my diagnosis. So, whats a little pink, I figure!!??

smithlme · May 2009

I wasn't a huge pink fan, but I've learned to like it. I graciously accept the pink gifts for the friendship and love the giver is offering. For me, it's about awareness for others. I proudly wear the silly t-shirts others have given me and I even ordered a pink BC Yoga mat. Believe me, everyone in my class knows that I had BC and that I'm more than willing to share my story with them. I've chosen not to have recon so it obvious that something's missing.

I have a half sleeve tattoo, made up of of my weary guardian angel, two pink ribbons, the words, "Live, Laugh, Love", a woman in a pink dress w/matching shoes dancing with the Grim Reaper. Wrapped through them are the words, "Mothers, Daughters, Sisters, Friends", the woman is reaching for the word, "Hope" and is wearing a teal colored bracelet, for the Ovarian Cancer I hope I've side-stepped by having a H w/BSO. Along with 5 butterflies for my children.

In no way do I try to hide what I have been through. I carry the physical and emotional scars, every day, and we all do what we need to to get through our journeys.

In October I will be walking 60 miles in the San Francisco Komen 3-Day, surrounded by pink, and loving every minute of it, knowing that I am alive and blessed to be there...

Linda

NatureGrrl · May 2009

wow, what fantastic replies, every one of them! Thanks so much! It was really helpful to hear the "other side" and it opened up my mind a lot. I still don't think I'll ever be a pink bc wearer except in specific cases (like when I do the Race for the Cure walk next year in Indy, with a friend who's lost 2 sisters to bc -- now that's a time I can see wearing pink, and proudly!) but I'm really glad those of you who do wear it shared your side. I gained a lot of insights and have a new perspective on at least part of the issue. I'm glad of all the thoughts and opinions -- helped me solidify my own thinking and helped me understand a lot more on all sides. And some of you made me laugh, too, so thanks for that! Laughter feels SO good!!

I'll make one exception to my t-shirt rule: if I get one like ddlatt's, I'd wear it Smile

I wish I had time and energy to reply to each of you but my chemo today has me wiped out... please know how much I appreciate all you've shared! Y'all are the greatest!!

LRM216 · May 2009

I am already living it - I will not wear it.

Linda

pinkmama · May 2009

Oh no.....and I've gone and stuck it on my username!!!!

Kidding aside. I never really gave it any thought, but I understand how someone might not want to embrace the pink. Especially for what it stands for..... and this pink is on everything and everywhere. It is a little overkill.

While I don't see me wearing all this pink stuff...just not my style....I'm not offended by it. I am too busy coping with the real thing to worry about it. But I certainly see why someone would have a negative point of view about it.

Was I crazy to put "pink" in my username????

GramE · May 2009

Many of you newly diagnosed may have missed last Octobers thread about PINK MONTH - October and BC awareness, etc. There are 14 pages of posts. Here is the link:

http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/7/topic/721290?page=1#post_1063276

I made stickers on the computer, used 1 inch return address labels with " Breast cancer is a disease, not a marketing opportunity ". They got stuck on store windows and doors, shelves displaying "for BC research", and many other places. I was not the only one who "accidentally" knocked down pink merchandise displays. My claim to fame was running into a pink tic tac display with my shopping cart right next to the check out counter. Tic tacs went everywhere. Some monies do go for research and to benefit those with BC, but it has become a marketing ply to get people to buy things like pink blenders and spatulas. That is overkill in MY opinion.

I wear pink hats, shirts, sweaters, because I like pink. I wear the pink ribbon sometimes, but my favorite button is "Cancer Sucks" in brilliant neon pink with black letters. That says it all for me.

cherneski · May 2009

I have always been a black and blue girl. Never wore pink. I have no idea why I have turned into a sap with my clothing by I did. I now where girly colors mostly pink, but hot pink with gray or black, or purple and pink.

I am ordering a shirt that is black with hot pink boxing gloves on it that says "I fight like a girl". I dont feel like I am advertising it. The fact that I went from a DD to NOTHING asvertises it already. I still have my hair as chemo has not started yet.

For me the pink ribbon or bc saying makes people think, even if it is just for a minute. I dont know how I would feel if people gave me stuff like that because it is all very personal. Some shirts I see I would never wear, some I love. Some are so sappy that I think what do they think we are weak? But others speak volumes, like the link above ( I love it!).

I find it interesting that I now wear more pink than ever. I even die my hair hot pink (that is just the teenager coming out in me).

GramE · May 2009

I have a pink wig that I wore to the last chemo of 2 of my "chemo friends" - gals I met at chemo. Also for MY last chemo. We each brought cupcakes and snacks and shared with nurses. They let us sit together and I think I still have some of the pictures we took. We also all wore pajamas. Made the best of something we were glad was finally over.

There is a thread here about a Ta Ta Sisters reunion in September in Vegas. Most of us have ordered the t shirt with " Viva Las TaTas" on it. But it is not pink, but black with glittery letters.

jancie · May 2009

I am so glad a thread was started on this subject. I was never one that wore pink - really only had 1 pink sweater and 1 pink blouse that was given to me as gifts. Pink was a color that just washed out my complexion as I have a very light complexion and yes.....I have always refused to go to those tanning booths due to fear of skin cancer.

I HATE THE COLOR PINK NOW!! Why.....because it is the symbol of breast cancer. I am one that faces reality and never goes into denial. I have BC that is the botton line but it is nice to have moments when you can forget about it even for 1 hour of the day which is especially hard for me as I just finished my last chemo treatment today and I have had to deal with some pretty bad SE's but not only that, being bald is a 24/7 reminder to me. I will not buy anything pink or wear anything pink.

I am more than happy to discuss my BC with friends, family, and even strangers if anything to encourage women to start getting regular mammograms and not wait 12 years in between like I did. I had a lousy technician that did my first mammogram 12 years prior and due to that experience just kept putting it off until I noticed physical problems with my breast.

I was diagnosed December last year. In March of this year my husband bought me a square diamond pendant for our anniversary from a custom jeweler. His designs are one of a kind, he never duplicates his designs which is why my husband buys me diamonds every year from this particular jeweler. The pendant design was absolutely beautiful with round brilliant diamonds and baget diamonds, etc. HOWEVER, right smack in the middle is a pink sapphire stone.

I have yet to wear the necklace and more than likely will take it back and beg the jeweler to put in a different color stone. My husband just wasn't really thinking of the correlation between the color pink and BC and he didn't realize how much I hated the color pink since I got diagnosed.

Even if I could get through this issue - I don't have but a few outlets the necklace would look good with as I wear a lot of neutral beiaghe and brown colors, reds, etc. I might have 2 outfits that I could wear it with.

What I tried to explain to my husband is that pink signifies BC everywhere you go, grocery stores, post office, etc. It wasn't until I read this thread that other cancers have their own special color - would have never known this because it is not evident and in your face everytime you step into somewhere in public.

I saw this thread this morning when I jumped on line but only had 15 minutes to read some posts and didn't have time to respond because I had to head out to chemo.

otter · May 2009

Has anyone posted this yet? It's an example of a site that lists all the various "cause-related ribbon colors." I don't know if any of this is official, though--who makes the rules for this stuff?: http://www.productsforthecure.com/pages/ribbons.html

As for embracing the color pink... Like several other women who posted here, I was not a big fan of pink even before my BC dx last year. My mom thought it was absolutely cute to dress her daughter in pink; but I preferred blue (still do). Plus, I learned later that pink does not go well with red hair, so I quit wearing it.

Once I had been dx'd with BC, I loathed the color pink and the BC ribbon symbol. Like others here, I did not like the constant reminders that I had cancer. (Awareness? Who were they kidding???) More importantly, I did not like the way "breast cancer" was being commercialized in association with the pink ribbon.

I did buy a pink ball cap for my bald head (why???), but I never wore it. I bought a really nice pink tennis-type shirt that was on sale at a sporting goods store; but it stayed in the drawer.

Now that I'm a year out from chemo, my anti-pink feelings have dulled. I went to a mastectomy supply store a few months ago, to buy a bra. They gave me a goodie bag filled with pink stuff, including a specially designed pin in the shape of the BC ribbon but with varying shades of pink. This time, I didn't reject the pink. Instead, I appreciated the attention and recognition of what I had experienced.

I have worn the pink tennis shirt, which I really like. After all, pink is not just for breast cancer. I am even thinking of signing up as a survivor for a fund-raising "walk" and wearing the T-shirt or cap they provide.

OTOH, I hope that next October, when we're bombarded by pink cans of coffee and pink Cheerios boxes and pink muffin tins, we can resurrect the BCO thread mentioned earlier. It was started by rock on the "Moving Beyond Cancer" forum. The title of the thread is, "Pink: Not just for Pepto Bismol anymore." It really did help some of us to laugh about it.

otter

billiegirl · May 2009

Forgive me if I repeat what someone else has commented. I did not read all the replies previously written.I was like you too. I also am not a person who likes to be the center of attention, so still am not comfortable wearing Pink just to call attention to being a survivor. However, though I am still that way, my attitude toward Pink & awareness products totally changed when I actually read the story of SUSAN G KOMEN (the real life person) not just the organization. I could be wrong, but I think her sister started the Awareness Ribbon thing before anyone else or cause grabbed on to it.Donations from manufacturers that produce Pink Awareness Editioin items contribute MILLIONS for Breast Cancer Research and screening & care for women. I was so very touched when I read the full length version of her story...and then seeing the SEA OF PINK and felt the Spirit in the air when my 5 daughters banded together to do several different 3-Days and other walks/runs in my honor, I now have changed and willingly and voluntairly have PINK everywhere. I don't wear it, but I made kitchen curtains out of breast cancer awareness fabric, I cuddle on my couch with a fleece blanket that my daughter's keno group made for me ( a blanket I originally kept in a closet so I wouldn't be reminded of breast cancer) Now, when I see these things, I think of the love and caring towards me that comes from them. The attitude that so many people do care and do want to help, they just don't know what to do besides shower us with Pink Stuff! I've learned to love and appreciate it. If I get something I do not care for or can not use, I just give them my thanks that they care and leave it at that. Yet, things that I at one time would not have displayed have found a nitch somewhere, just to remind me that I am not in this alone. NOT BY A LONG SHOT!

lexislove · May 2009

I hate the whole pink ribbon thing. Especially pink ribbon magnets on cars. I saw one woman about 6 months ago with 2 ribbon magnets, a license plate that read..hope4me, and various pink "things" hanging from her rear view mirror. Well, I almost got into an accident by just looking at the car. Talk about an eye sore.

The only thing pink looks good on is a Cadillac.. Wink

billiegirl · May 2009

PS: For all those who resent the Breast Cancer Type T-Shirt gifts...try this. Sew 3 openings shut. Stuff the shirt with polyester stuffing or rags or something soft, yet un-needed.Then Sew up the last opening. Now use as a throw pillow or punching bag when you've had it up to your eyeballs with the Awareness novelties and merchandise. They also make very nice car wash and cleaning rags.Just out of curiosity though, I wonder how much money that actually goes to the cause does come from that stuff. Ya, the companies make a haul...but I think the score will be in our favor as far as help toward finding a cure. Sometimes their intention is for personal gain, but they actually end up doing a good thing when that was not really their real intent.Just some thoughts.

NatureGrrl · May 2009

Again, don't have time to reply to everyone, but thanks for the continued replies and insights!

I don't hate the pink merchandise -- it's just not "me" to wear/use/flaunt stuff like that. (I was really glad that the blanket someone sent me in a care package was nature-oriented instead of pink.) So while I do appreciate the gifts/thoughts, and the awareness that is raised by others wearing pink or using it elsewhere, and I do appreciate seeing other people wearing a cancer-themed t-shirt, for example, it's still... just not me! and as I previously mentioned, there are times and places when I'll wear it, like at the Race next April when I walk with my friend. But it's not a day to day thing for me. However, I really do appreciate hearing why all of you like it.

May have to look into that pink Cadillac, though

GratefulGal · June 2009

You know - when I was first diagnosed, people gave me pink bears with the ribbon on it, pins with the pink ribbon on it, shirts, totes, etc. I have to say I wanted nothing to do with any of it! I think that it was becuase I had not really 'embraced' my diagnosis. I did the walk last year, just 6 weeks after my mast. and I felt like a duck out of water and that I just didn't belong there. I can't explain it! While today I am not as adverse to the pink and memorabilia, I do have to say that I look at it differently. I see a woman in pink, or a ribbon on a car, or a pink ball cap, and I say a little prayer. It has raised my awareness which I believe it was intended to do. Still, my friends today know not to give me anything pink that is BC related.

One friend sent me a card that had a just a pair of red high heel pumps on the front. Inside it said, I thought that you could use a break from the BC pink. If I could find those cards, I would by them in bulk!

Here's to cobalt blue!

crazy4carrots · June 2009

Trixie, I'd buy those cards too!

Wikipedia has an interesting story of the pink ribbon, FYI.

Companies that sponsor walks, runs, or other fundraising efforts have my full support. These companies have put actual MONEY towards bc research. Companies that manufacture pink products, saying that this is their way of supporting cancer awareness/support etc. most definitely DO NOT have my support. This is marketing, pure and simple, and makes me feel used and violated.

Linda

Hood1980 · June 2009

Hi NatureGrrl & others with a sense of humor..... I just bumped up an old thread on the Moving Beyond Breast Cancer Board called "Pink: Not just for Pepto Bismol". There's some pretty funny stuff on there that pokes fun of all things being pink. I thought you ladies would enjoy it.

Celtic_Spirit · June 2009

I don't want to be defined by my illness, which hopefully is gone for good. I don't see diabetics with clothing or novelties that say, "Hey, I'm diabetic!" Mugging victims don't wear shirts that say, "I've been mugged!" Something bad happened to me (breast cancer), I'm much better now, and there's so much more to my life (past, present, and future) than having cancer. Thankfully, none of my friends or family gave me any cancer-related gifts. All the get-well cards, both sentimental and humorous, were greatly appreciated. I can't imagine having a pink-ribboned T-shirt or knick-knack staring me in the face all day, reminding me to be afraid.

maxgirl · June 2009

I was one of those who actually got nauseated looking at pink things, and it wasn't just in public. The only T-shirt I've kept is one my son gave me, and I kept a hat a friend gave me because even though it's pink, it's covered with silly mementos of things we've done together. For that reason, it's not something I'd wear in public anyway. LOL

My physical reaction isn't as strong nowadays, but I recently gave away a cute little pillow someone had made me during treatment. I guess the associations were just too hard to keep around a constant reminder.

help me explain not embracing the pink

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