Starting Chemo February 2009?

Hi ladies...thinking of all of you. Wanted to check in and report that I am doing well. Like Webbie, I shaved my head to encourage new growth. I still had some really sparse dark stubble that had never fallen out that looked hilarious with the fuzzy white hair that was coming in. Now I have some fuzzy stuff again...DH claims it as hair. I'm not so sure. It IS slow...but sure...

I'm on Tamoxifen -have been for nearly a month now. Don't know if anyone else will experience this but I take it right before bed and I have not had a sleepless night since. Still lots of hot flashes/night sweats, but it so beats the chemo SEs. I'm happy! Starting to feel MUCH better.

Took a week of vacation time last week to celebrate end of chemo...so glad I did. Went to the Buffalo River in Arkansas and chilled for 3 days in a lovely cabin. Did lots of hiking etc... Then went to a photography gathering in Eureka Springs last weekend all by myself. Had a wonderful time.

 I am braver now and getting used to the curiousity of strangers...baldness is a real icebreaker. I must say that I am ready to have hair, though, as I am ready to move away from my life revolving around cancer. I no longer identify with it and find myself surprised when folks approach me about it...and then, oh yeah, I remember, I have a head scarf on and am easily identifiable!

I am back at work fulltime and carrying a pager this week. I was a little afraid of the transition --afraid I would fall back into old habits of stressing about work. But I find that I truly have learned new ways of coping. Being here now, wherever I am. Enjoying the moment. Leaving work behind when I am not there...doing the first thing, then the next and enjoying whatever I am working on --giving myself permission NOT to multitask. For those of you who have always done this, kudos, but for me...this is major progress.

I have taken time to heal. I have said I am worth it. I have internally declared that my life is important and I'm going to take the time to ensure my actions align with my goals.

My psych said something I'd like to share about work: "I guarantee you that if you do not have well-established goals you are working on someone elses..." I looked around and discovered that it was true...and surprisingly easy to fix...I made myself a bit less available...most of the stuff on my plate was really supposed to be somewhere else. Hah. Now when I am interrupted, I triage the issue --is it *really* an emergency, is it *really* my problem. I love to help, but it was turning me into a huge stressball. If it is something I *can* help with, I offer to schedule an appointment --no more dropping everything I am working on to work on someone else's problem.

OK, I know I have seriously digressed from the topic at hand, but I just wanted to share that I have learned a lot from this opportunity to heal. (I chose to look at this fight as an opportunity to change what was not working in my life...figured there was obviously something wrong with my approach if I was cancelling my annual mammograms because I thought work was more important than me...on some level I was afraid not to be at work! So I get really sick and have to miss more work than I have ever missed...wow! And the sky didn't fall...hmmmm)

I've been reading all of your posts and I am so proud to know all of you and share in your fights. I admire you all and gain strength from your strengths. I cry when you lose people you love and laugh with your stories of life's wonderful moments. ... the son on the roof looking for a tornado (sounds like my boys!)... the fiance in the tub (in the yard...yeah!) ... sounds like my son-in-law. Thank-you, thank-you for sharing!!!

HUGS to all. 

Webbie, what a wonderful encouragement you are.  God Bless, Kathy

Yeah Webbie you can't leave we would haunt you back down for getting us together ...lol... 

I just sat thru 2 hours of tu-tu ballerina stuff which is NOT my thing at all.  I actually went out to eat and tasted a little bit of food which was nice suprise while the entire time I got stabbed by nerve pain BUT I did it.  I am so ready to be out and about it's not funny.  Now my body just has to get on the program. 

datadrudge~ Thank you for that tip.  I am working hard on telling people sorry I can't do it and I plan on doing it from now on.  I was always the one taking on too many things and stressing myself out  NOT anymore. 

Grrrr...I am up at 3:18am trying not to get sick.  This is cruel I thought I was past this point but it came and bit me in the behind.  I took anti-nausea but it's not working  

Thanks Michele I finally felt better about 30 min. afterwards.  I got behind eating and was sick because I didn't eat. 

How are you feeling ??

Wow Michele I can't believe you did all that after chemo.  Just think of all the things you will get done tomorrow without everyone there   Hang in there.  You have 3 more taxol and then do you do avastin for the rest of the year ??

xpectmiracles, I just sent you a PM.

oodles!

Nancy

Apple, I want one!

Michele  what is SAHD? I'm guessing SA means such a but not sure.

Hi guys - You lot sure are Supermoms!! Apple - I so love your photos, they are so funny!

I do think we run around trying to show everyone how well we are coping, then get cross when everyone thinks we are coping!! I do it myself. Crazy.  Anyhow, I hope you all enjoy your BBQ's and what not today.

Judy - great story about the fish. 

I am over three weeks post-Chemo now, and still getting lots of muscle aches (burning thighs) and shooting pains in my feet. Leftovers from the Taxatore I think.  No wonder they say this stuff is cumulative - it hangs around a long while.

Oh - is THAT why my nose keeps dripping! So funny, I never connected the two. Amazing that all these hairs on our bodies actually have a use!!

Good for you getting out and walking - I have been walking every morning. I hate getting up and never want to do it, but once i get going I enjoy it. 

Kerry, I had the burning thighs after my last chemo, too. I do think it is getting better. It used to happen all the time; now it seems to only happen at the end of the day when I'm tired.

Thanks, Apple!

Michele:  My DH is at home, too (laid off in January), and while he has been a lifesaver to me during all of this, I'm still not used to him being here all the time....and it's a small house, you know, lol!  I need him to get a job not just for the money, but I need a little space, too. 

Apple:  I truly LOL when I saw that pic, thank you for that!    Now I really feel like superwoman!

Kerry:   you're absolutely correct....I want to come off as strong and able, but do get upset when no one helps me.  My family hasn't even seen me without a wig or scarf, so I look fairly 'normal' to them.  So at the bbq, I just wore a scarf.  My dad had a bit of trouble making eye contact with me at first, but he just lost my mom, and I think it made him see that yes, I am sick, and that scares him.  That wasn't my intention of course.  But I can't wear a wig all the time.

Jaimie:  I have already lost most eyelashes/brows, and while the eyelashes are sprouting again, the brows aren't doing much.  I stink at using brow pencils/powders, so I hope they do start to grow again soon. 

Just relaxing and taking it easy today.  When to the fabric store and got a 1/2 yd of jersey knit material in 8 different colors so I can tie them on and match almost any outfit.  Best thing is it was all on the clearance aisle, so it was cheap!  No wigs for me this summer (unless I go out, yea, right).

Hugs

Judy

Artemis we can start our own club with an L on our chest...lol.... and I'm not concerned about it one bit these days. 

I still have raging heartburn going on even with pepcid-ac but I am still trying to push myself with the water and some kind of movement. 

Judy I am fearfull of losing my eyebrows because it is horrible what I can do with a pencil.  I look like bozo but worse.  I plan on ditching the hat, wigs and everything as soon as I get hair coverage.  It doesn't have to be long or a lot just some.  I don't care what anyone says I am not going to be hot and sweaty all summer.  I might even color it once more comes in to get rid of the hat/headcoverage sooner.