dating someone who survived

tad990
tad990 Member Posts: 1
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

I have a lady friend that survived 2 mastestomies several years ago long before we knew each other. We have been friends for about 3 years and have recently been dating. Our relationship is hopefully growing and of course the big Sex issue is due to come up. Having never experienced a relationship,sexually, with a cancer survivor, I am very unsure how to take the next step in creating a lasting relationship.  She jokes about not having breasts and that I would want to run away if I were to see her nude and yes I have always been a breast man but I do have a lot of feelings for her and can be mature enough to enjoy all of her.  So, the question open for discussion is what do i do next to relieve both of our anxieties and take a step forward in our relationship.  Do's and don'ts for a poor old confused but caring man would certainly be welcome.

thanks for any thoughts.  

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Comments

  • London-Virginia
    London-Virginia Member Posts: 851
    edited May 2009

    One thing that I might suggest is - operation or no operation, all of us can go through a period of time in life when we haven't had a partner for a while, so we get out of practice anyway. 

     My thought is, would it be a good idea to continue with really nice "woo-ing" things?  Of course I don't know either one of your personalities, but in general, speaking for myself, if I look back over the years the men that stick most positively in my mind are the ones who did bring me a nice little bouquet, or happened to send a pretty card or something nice or amusing because it made them think of me.  These things sound very small but are surprisingly frequently ignored!  

    I think all those things help to build intimacy.

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  • baywatcher
    baywatcher Member Posts: 532
    edited May 2009

    Tad-

    One thing I might suggest is that you look on the internet for photos of mastectomy women. It would probably be good if you know what a chest looks like with scars and no breasts. That way you will know what to expect.

    I am sure she is probably real self conscience. I have been married for 32 years and have always been fine being naked around my husband.....but not so much now. It is just hard (for me anyway) to feel sexy. My husband accepts me like I am and has shown and told me that he loves me just as much without breasts. I just feel less desirable.  I guess that you need to assure her that you still find her attractive even without breasts and that you have chosen her to date over other women that do have breasts. I guess I am saying that you just have to be OK with her lack of breasts and let her know that you are OK with it. Hopefully, she has more self esteem than I do.

    I think that you sound like a really good guy and you obviously really care about her to search out this site and post this question. I'm not sure that I helped you at all. I am just trying to tell you how she might feel.

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  • ktym
    ktym Member Posts: 2,637
    edited May 2009

    I would suggest you first experience looking at her scars and chest together when naked--but not within the context of sexual activity.  Keep getting used to the changes in her body separate from the sex and foreplay.  After you're both comfortable with each other and your responses to her post surgical changes, then move on.

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