OT: Need advice about psychologist

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samon
samon Member Posts: 100
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

I have been having major problems with anxiety about family, health etc. and the last year they have gotten worse.  I started to see a male psychologist several months ago who is suppose to specialize in anxiety and things were going well.  I really felt comfortable with him and thought I was starting to make a little progress, although it wasn't going as fast as I wanted.  Anyway, my hubby doesn't do well with my anxiety.  He is so supportive in many ways, but after two very tough months with my anxiety issues we were pulling apart a little.  Well, one night I had a dream about my psychologist and the next day I felt so guilty as if I had cheated on my hubby.  I ended up confessing my dream to my hubby and saying that I needed to switch to a female psychologist because my guilt got to me. 

I left a message with the male psy. that I was going to switch to a female and started look into who to go to.  I made an appointment and had my first session today.  I really like her, but I almost feel like I made a mistake leaving my first psychologist.  I really don't think I had "romantic" feelings for him.  Things had been going well for many months up until my hubby and I were not connecting as well.  I think I was just feeling the need to be needed and, of course, when you are in therapy you are the main focus of that persons attention for an hour.  I never told the psychologist the real reason I left and I find myself feeling guilty.  I have read a bit about this issue they call "transference" and wonder if that is what I was feeling and if I should have stayed with him and worked it out.  Some of what I have read stated that it should be discussed and worked through and now I feel like I just ran scared.

On the other hand...while I was doing well with him, I did feel there were issues he coudn't related to (such as being a female and the worry of breast cancer).  Also, he doesn't have kids so some of the issues that I bring up with anxieties about my kids he really couldn't relate to from a personal experience.  I just don't know if I did the right thing by switching and my hubby really doesn't think I should go back to him because he wants me to learn to stick with my decisions, but I'm not sure.  Sometimes I feel like calling the doctor to explain why I really left, but then I think that's stupid and I should just let it drop.  I just don't want him to think he did anything wrong.  I'm very confused.

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Comments

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2009

    Hey samon...I can hear how you're confused and trying to find some direction here. I haven't been in your situation, but it seems to me that your feelings and your confusion are completely natural and normal. What I'd like to point out is that a therapist is simply a therapeutic tool for you to use when you need help getting through an emotional issue and, in that sense, one is almost as good as another. Of course, some therapists are more skilled than others, some are more understanding & empathetic, and some are just more personable. The most important issues, at least in my opinion, are how easily you can share your feelings and feel accepted and how well the therapist can provide you with the tools to create your own recovery. If you're comfortable with the new therapist, why not give her some time to prove herself and help you? Whether or not you had good reason to leave the first doc seems irrelevant at this point since you've moved on. I do believe that your dream was innocent in that it didn't indicate your harboring inappropriate feelings for the therapist but even if you were, transference, as you mentioned, isn't especially unusual and, so, the feelings would have been perfectly "normal."

    So my advice is this...try to relax and trust that your decision was sound. Then dive in and give the new doc a chance. Work with her and give it time. Hopefully, you'll soon find healing.

    ~Marin

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited May 2009

    Well said, Marin.

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  • dreamwriter
    dreamwriter Member Posts: 3,255
    edited May 2009

    I have had male and female therapists and I would not feel comfortable discussing female issues with a male but I would feel discussing FAMILY issues with him.  It depends on whether the female issues are that great and if I can separate them and discuss with female GP. or one of us....... note that I said "I" a great many times and never said "you should".  I like Marins advice too.

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  • roseg
    roseg Member Posts: 3,133
    edited May 2009

    I think you did the right and faithful thing in switching.

    I think the fact that your told your first therapist that you were switching to a female therapist is more than adequate explanation. I'm sure that he understands.

    As Marin says - give this one time. 

    The fact that you took action makes me think that you are getting your feet back on the ground. 

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  • Sierra
    Sierra Member Posts: 1,638
    edited May 2009

    Hi there:

    It is so important to

    get the right fit

    I have had a few counsellors

    and the odd time

    have sent them a brief note

    as .. have always been on v. good terms

    with them

    however, not all were able to help

    with each problem.. I believe

    they can only take you as far as they have been

    and for some things

    I feel more comfy with a female

    best on this

    Hugs, Sierra

    PM me if u wish

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  • dreamwriter
    dreamwriter Member Posts: 3,255
    edited May 2009

    Sierra you followed your heart so you know you did the right thing.  You are more comfortable and can concentrate on the issues

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  • Sierra
    Sierra Member Posts: 1,638
    edited May 2009

    Hi Dream:

    Yes I did..

    something I now do

    after having been DX with Cancer

    Actually, I did have one counsellor that

    I could not stand LOL, the crazy questions

    ((((Dreamwriter)))

    just sent you a PM

    o/t

    http://www.cfrb.com/shows/583595

    ps.. This link is a great radio show

    and her guests are always so inspiring

    sometimes from U.S.

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