thank you for giving me a choice

Options

Today is 4 wks since my bilateral MX.  I have energy, I look great, and I am happy every day being free of mammograms, MRIs, check ups and lumpectomies.

I am just wanting to thank everyone here, and on breastfree.org.  I never would have had the courage to do without the reconstruction.  I am SO HAPPY I didn't.  Because this did hurt quite a lot, still does.  I definitely made the right decision for my pain threshold and for the way I feel about my body.  I am really happy to have nothing in my body except what is mine.  My surgeon said I had good muscles from swimming that helped make the scar look better.  Still a long way to go on the scar and physical therapy.  But I get better every day..

It was getting to see the scar pictures at breastfree that really sealed the deal for me. 

I never would have gotten this perspective anywhere else-- everyone at the breast center seemed to assume reconstruction, and most of my colleagues at work seem to also (doesn't matter to me if I clarify it with them or not).  And my kids have been super supportive, not freaked out at all.

The truth is, my very large breasts had been so so so sore for so long that I feel really good.

Now if I can just find a comfortable way to sleep on my side!

Ellen 

Comments

  • TCGGal
    TCGGal Member Posts: 137
    edited May 2009

    Ellen,

    I am happy you are feeling good! I am 7 weeks out from my bilateral mx , also with no reconstruction. I feel great also, am able to sleep on side and stomach and LOVE just pulling on a tee-shirt when I get dressed and head out into the world-flat & happy. I don't care what anyone thinks, I am good with me, and that is all that matters. It sounds like you feel the same about yourself!

    Keep up the good healing and have a GREAT day!

  • nagem
    nagem Member Posts: 353
    edited May 2009

    It's hard to explain, but somehow it felt therapeutic to me to NOT have reconstruction. It was like accepting what had happened to me and not trying to disguise it to myself or anyone else. It also felt like I was acting in accord with my essential personal values—that my physical appearance is, relatively speaking, unimportant. I know everyone has her own hierarchy of needs in this domain, and for me, the decision not to have reconstruction was helpful in recovering psychologically. Plus, I got to have my physical life back a bit sooner! (I'm Mia—the name of my wig—on breastfree.org, by the way.)

  • pip57
    pip57 Member Posts: 12,401
    edited May 2009

    Do you think that there is a new trend brewing?  I found that my medical team also assumed that I would want recon.  However, they were very supportive of my decision.  I definitely do not want to pass judgement on the recon girls...I just think that the future will see more of us choosing to accept it as it is.  

  • seltzer
    seltzer Member Posts: 68
    edited May 2009

    Here's what I noticed about the "trend" if there is one.  The BS pushed and pushed me to revisit the PS, but after it was all over she revealed her mother had done the same thing and I could tell she was really pleased with my recovery etc.  But I had to get a letter from my therapist for the file, she was so concerned I would regret the decision.

  • pip57
    pip57 Member Posts: 12,401
    edited May 2009

    Really?  A letter from a therapist!   That is soooo archaic.  Where has the women's movement gone?

  • Cinnabear50
    Cinnabear50 Member Posts: 19
    edited May 2009

    As you can see, I don't post often but I do visit this site often.  I had to add my comments as I too am happy with my decision to not have reconstruction.  I have always been small chested and the thought of having more surgery, discomfort, and something else "alien" in my body was just too much for me.  If I wear something very form fitting, I use the prosthesis and this is not very often.  With all the flowy tops, very 70-ish, that are now in style, I have found it easy to shop and look up to date.  It is liberating in a way.  I am also grateful to the breastfree website as I visited it numerous times when making my decision.  As mentioned above, this is such a personal decision and we each have to do what is right for us. 

  • Alaina
    Alaina Member Posts: 461
    edited May 2009

    For the ladies who have opted for no re-con, did you get prostheses and how often do you use them?

    Alaina

  • pip57
    pip57 Member Posts: 12,401
    edited May 2009

    I wore my prostheses, once.  They just got in the way.  These lumps with no feeling.  I opt for the 'natural' look now.  Very comfortable.  Clothes are not really a problem.  I find it interesting that the reason some recon is so that their clothes will fit better.  I just don't buy things that have 'boob shelves'.  I actually find that I have more options available now.

  • mke
    mke Member Posts: 584
    edited May 2009

    I  haven't gotten prostheses yet and I'm a bit over a year out.  I will get some, when I get around to it.  I expect they will be like my wig was - something I will wear, but rarely.

  • MI_Runner
    MI_Runner Member Posts: 46
    edited May 2009
    This thread is very interesting to me.  I'm only 2 weeks out from bilateral mx and have been planning to do delayed reconstruction.  I've been a B to C cup since college and always felt that my boobs were too big - they just didn't fit me.  After surgery I was given two soft foam protheses and have stuck them in my shirt a couple times, but I don't really like them.  I also don't feel self-concious or unlike myself without anything, and now I'm wondering if I really do want to have reconstruction at all.  I have plenty of time to decide as I was planning to push it off until next summer because I'm in the middle of my PhD program and summer is a much easier time to deal with surgery.  Anyway, all that rambling was meant to say that I appreciate reading threads such as this one and seeing that other women are happy with their decision to skip reconstruction.
  • seltzer
    seltzer Member Posts: 68
    edited May 2009

    I ordered some amoena leisure forms that have been much better than the stuffed fiberfill ones.  I do wear them to go out.  I was a DD and am enjoying downsizing to an A/B.  I am waiting until the scar is better to get silicone prostheses, but these seem to be fine.  It is a pain to switch them out.  And I am still stuck wearing two bras since I can only wear a couple things against my skin, and the surgery bra with a huge zipper in front that is all cotton still feels best.

    I also feel more like myself somehow.  I never liked attracting so much attention with big breasts and I am really looking forward to the day when I can swim/run, once the incisions have healed up.

  • mom2two
    mom2two Member Posts: 1,352
    edited May 2009

    I had bilateral mastectomy back in October and started wearing the breast forms a couple of months after the surgery.  At first it felt better to wear the forms since I had something that felt like a layer that wasn't attached properly from the surgery. Gradually whatever it was healed and I didn't feel the layer or whatever it was pulling away from my chest wall anymore. But now almost 7 months later the forms which feel ok in the morning when I put them on get very heavy against my chest by night fall.

    I didn't choose reconstruction because I didn't want additional surgery. Occasionally now with the forms feeling so heavy I wonder if I should have done the reconstruction but still not feeling up to volunteering for surgery to get it done or risk its complications. 

    Sure would make things easier if I could find a clothing line that had mastectomy clothes and not just the same old bras and cami's.  You'd think in this day and age someone could come up with a few mastectomy blouses and dresses that were designed for women without reconstruction. 

  • caaclark
    caaclark Member Posts: 936
    edited May 2009

    I agree with nagem- therapeutic for me too in a strange way.  I am Carol on breast free so you can see my story there but I had a single mast.  As a result, I wear a prosth. every day and actually have quite the variety.

    When I was first diagnosed I thought I would absolutely reconstruct.  But after treatment was done and actually, somewhere in the middle of treatment, I just decided it was not for me.  Lots of reasons and thought went into my decision but I am so glad that I made the decision to skip recon.  Again, for some people, doing recon is the right decison but for me it was not.  I am on the younger side so I think it surprises people but that does not bother me.

  • angeljoy
    angeljoy Member Posts: 128
    edited May 2009

    I had recon with implants, but after one implant failed I decided against further recon on that side and got a prosthesis. I wear it( or a swim/leisure form) almost all the time. I find it comfortable and think it looks and feels pretty natural.  I was a DD my whole adult life and am a C now, which suits me fine. I think this is the right choice for me for now. I thought about getting rid of the good implant too, but decided why take it out if it was fine? It would be hard to go without the prosthesis since obviously I would be lopsided. Clothes are still a problem sometimes, because I only have cleavage on one side, but I can't imagine myself going through another recon surgery for that reason alone.

  • starzhere
    starzhere Member Posts: 162
    edited May 2009

    Ellen, I'm so glad that you are feeling so great!  Isn't it wonderful when we can accept ourselves as we are and move forward.

    Runner, don't be surprised if you never get around to reconstruction.  I thought I would delay reconstruction and 20 years later I still haven't gotten around to it.

    ~elaine~

  • HippieLongstocking
    HippieLongstocking Member Posts: 3
    edited July 2009

    I am also grateful for the choice.

    My BMX was in March 08 @ that time i could not find ANY support or encouragement.

    Eventually after alot of searching I found breast free and this msg board. I am suprised there is not more support or encouragement available for women who decide to go unreconstructed and without forms.

    There were many factors involved in my decision not to reconstruct,

    Most important to me was reserving my body's strength to fight cancer not spend that strength on recovering from more surgery.

    I have never tried forms, I just felt they were not for me. That they would add insult to injury by covering my struggle to make it easier for OTHERS to deal with... and well, who cares about THEM?!

    I am at peace with my flat self even if it is a challenge to some of the less open minded people around me. I am proud of my scars. They show my strength and courage.. and that i KICK ASS!

    Now if i could only figure out a better way to dress the new me.Undecided 

  • bettysgirl
    bettysgirl Member Posts: 938
    edited July 2009

    i had bi-lat last July- I have not regretted doing the bi-lat with no recon. There are times when clothes don't fit good and you get frustrated but i have not worn any prothesis since surgery...i take that back i tried it once, was VERY uncomfortable with it,,,felt so fake and didn't do it again. I wear layered shirts to work, then sometime just don't worry about it at all...My tummy got bigger once to boobs were gone ....(or did i just notice it more LOL) but all in all i was also glad to take the time to fight the beast and not go through long recovery of recon. I was glad to be able to check out breastfree also and know that there are a lot of us who are happy in our skin and able to adjust to what we have been given.

  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited July 2009

    i am so glad you are happy.  I would never consider reconstruction..  too many surgeries for me.

  • wallycat
    wallycat Member Posts: 3,227
    edited July 2009

    I have some of my pix posted on the breastfree site.  I have a very wide ribcage and bras were always uncomforable.  My 34Ds were heavy and I exercised a lot...the sweating and schlepping were uncomfortable.  I do miss my boobs, but as many point out, reconstructing would not give me back my sensation...and that is what I miss most.  I never purchased forms and have gone flat from the beginning.  Even in really form fitting clothing, and you can see my sternum, I don't care.

    I don't color my hair and so I am all about letting things go naturally.

    As Nagem posted, I didn't want to desguise what happened.  If I ever find a dress or outfit that would look better filled out, I would either not buy the outfit or maybe get forms.

    I too admire the gals who were willing to endure a longer recovery to get recon, but just not how I wanted to heal.  I wanted to stop thinking and dwelling on the cancer.  I know many of the recon girls go on to have imaging ...my surgeon said self checking for me, which is nice.

Categories