Starting chemo January 2009?

Just spent the last hour and a half reading posts. I have not been on for a while and I am not sure why expect that everytime I think about getting on and catching up I don't. Seems some other jewels went through this funk too from my reading.

Well anyway Lisa thanks for taking roll on those of us still doing Chemo.  I did not see too many responses so I am assuming most are done.  NOT ME!   I think that is why I shy away from the board now because you  are all moving on and discussing things I can't think about yet - rads, long walks, weight gain, exercise, live getting back to normal (whatever that is).  I still spend a lot of time thinking this has ONLY been my reality since January (5 short months) but it feels like it has been going on forever and will  continue to go on and on.

I really hope that I will see some of you at my finish line....I have my last tx scheduled for around the 18th of June.  Still seems so far away. Haven't even looked at  rads yet.  Hoping to vacation at the lake in  Minnesota week of 4th of July before starting rads but not sure if they  will let me.  Should I be making an appt. now to see the rad dr. since I am close to ending chemo?  Probably huh?

Trying hard to get through the end of the school year.  This is a busy time of year for teachers. My co-teacher's son is gradutating from the Naval Academy this week and she has been such a blessing to me this year that I am bound and determined to be there for her this week  which means the class is in my hands completely...Not  as bad as it sounds except when you sleep as I did yesterday from 7. p.m to 7a.m. and wake up tired.  UGH!

Taxol is doing a number on my nails also  Lots of ugly ridges.  Lost one toenail but that's all.  The SEs from taxol have really been much easier to deal with.  I am afraid to say that too loud thoough since I have 5 more to do.

Well gotta go to work now.  I will try to get back sooner next time.  It is great to know you are all getting through and I will too.

Patti

Congrats to everyone who is close to or finished with their chemo.   I thought the last one would never come.  Thanks to everyone here for your support, cyber hugs, love and suggestions.

I'm off to be typed and cross matched for yet another transfusion.  I was hoping to get through without another one, but the hemoglobin just will not cooperate.   This will be the last one. 

Just wanted to touch base and let everyone know we are all on this road together and we will stay around until we all have reached our final destination.  

Love to everyone.  I will have to catch up on all the posts a little later. 

LadyJane--We are here. My nails have ridges on them and my to nails are white.  It looks so strange.  I wonder how long that will last?  

Brenda--SOOOOO glad you are finished.  Sorry you have to go through the transfusion.  My hemoglobin has been a bit low.  I feel soooooooo tired. 

Thanks for checking in.  HUGS  jjs!!!!!

  Hello ladies!! It's so nice to see so many of us finished or close to being finished with chemo and going on to the next step. It's also nice to see us getting back into our "normal" lives and activities.

  I have finished 21 radiation treatments and only 14 to go! I have had no problems with skin irritation or fatigue. Just some skin "tanning".I also started Arimidex on the day I started radiation. I do have increased hot flashes but no other problems with Arimidex. I hope all of you are able to tolerate your treatments with few or no side effects.

  My hair is growing back. I can pinch it between my fingers now. I say it's coming in brown--my husband says it's gray! Oh well!

  My eyelashes started to fall out last week. I only have a few left. I'm still losing the eyebrows too. It doesn't seem fair that they're falling out now. I had to start shaving my legs again. I certainly didn't miss that! I wish the leg hair would have waited til after summer to regrow!

  It was beautiful here last Friday and I was lucky to have the day off. I got some cleaning done outside. We have alot of trees and the tree debris gets stuck in between the bricks so you have to dig it out and suck it up with the shopvac. I'm still not done and now the weather turned colder so I don't have as much ambition as I do when it's nice out.

  I send all my best wishes out to all of you.

Patti - June 18th isn't that far off... we WILL be sticking around to see you cross that finish line.. just keep plowing along... we are still here!

Brenda - congrats!!! woohoo!

Lisa - the camp sounds awesome! 

KM47- Congrats on the trip!  I lived in Minneapolis for 3+ years recently... bring a coat and be sure to check out the Mall of America if you like shopping...

Here's a cruel joke.. I pretty much have ONE eyebrow... the left one is pretty much intact but   thinner.. the right one has like 4 hairs left... WTH!  I mean if they're going to leave me almost two months out of chemo ... can't they fall out evenly?  It's almost laughable.... no, it IS laughable (just when you think your physical appearance can't possibly take another hit! lol)  I'm trying to find a brow pencil the same color as my left brow... And clumps of eyelashes have gone in the last weeks, but again much worse on the right.. weird.  Maybe I should just join the circus!!  Does anyone know how long it takes for brows and lashes to come back in? The good news is the hair on my head is growing... and... a few days into Arimidex and I don't notice any significant SE's ... yes, hot flashes but I was having them anyway... don't think they are worse or anything... but it's only been a few days... I'm not complaining... the worst is behind me and it's supposed to be 80 degrees this week in Indiana!  Woohoo!

I have to chime in on the eyebrow/eyelash thing as well.  It's annoying that now that I'm done with chemo it's so, so obvious that I've had it.  Those suckers hung on until almost my last treatment!!!  Thank goodness Frink (that's the name my dd gave my wig, lol) has bangs.  I just wear sunglasses as much as I can.  I have absolutely NO talent for drawing the eyebrows in, they just look worse when I try.

Went to support group with my 9-year old last night.  It has been awesome for her, for me, not so much.  The group is really supposed to be for the kids but the adults split up and have their own meeting.  I swear I never think I'm going to die from this until I go to this support group.  The group is comprised of men and women with all types of cancer in all stages.  One lady (whom I'd only met once) died a few weeks ago.  Last night a few of them spent 45 minutes talking about making memories for the children after they're gone.  Gah!  One gentleman, who is obviously very bad off, went on about how his 4 year old isn't going to remember him, he'll just be a faded photograph etc.  I walked out of there shaking.

Thank goodness it's breaking for the summer.  DD really loves it...last night they did a tour through the chemo rooms, radition, etc.  It's been great for her.  I just don't think I can stomach the "adult time" anymore.  I suppose I could drop her off but I would feel tacky doing that.

Wow, this turned into a rant.  It's nice to have a place where I can say all of this without fear of anger or misunderstanding.

Everyone feel good and be well today.

Diane

Diane - I completely understand about the support group.  If it's doing more harm than good for you, don't go.  Everybody is different, some people really benefit from support groups like that, some don't, there is no wrong answer...For me, moving on means really believing that after my bilat and chemo that I am cured, therefore, why would I sit around and talk about what it will be like for everybody "after I'm gone".  That just doesn't make sense to me.  If it's beneficial to your DD, sure drop her off, who cares how it seems to other people, I say do what feels right to you....

and you said the group is comprised of people with all stages of cancer, all types... that may not be right for you... maybe you would benefit from going to one with only breast cancer survivors whose prognosis is like yours ( good) and therefore there is more hope in the room...?  

Ladyjane and Plutz, sorry you've been feeling alone.  Will drop to drop in more often

One more thing, I can't remember whether I told you Jewels.....I had that sore rib that wouldn't go away and I got my results from the x-ray.......negative.  There is no signs of anything.  My doc told me, I said "oh great, good to hear" smiling and then I left and cried in my car for 10 minutes.  What great news, overshadowed by the fact that I was so upset that I even had to worry about it in the first place.  What a rollercoaster my emotions are on.....damn Tamoxifen.....lol

Jilly, great news, so happy for you

Oh, Fec buddy. I am so glad you were able to post.  I hope you enjoy going to Minnesota.  When are you going there.  It looks like I will start rads a day after you, so we will be able to compare notes. 

got the skinny from the PS.  He said I will probably develop scar tissue during rads, but he will clean it out when he puts the implant in.  I am totally bummed, but in the end , I don't what the frickin cancer to come back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The radiologist says he will zap out any that got left behind.  There was some cancer close to the chest wall, so I am glad he is going after it!

Yeah, it is almost a sin in my mind to have the eyelashes fall out two weeks after chemo tx.  I was carefully cleaning and preening my ONE eyelash on my right eye lid and it fell a week ago.  Now my eyes look puffy like I have been crying.  I also don't have much hair coming back, though my darling dh and dd enthusiastically lie to me and say it is coming back.  Of course the little that is there is completely white!  My mom has beautiful white hair and maybe if mine is like hers, I will just keep it that way!!!  I am going for the Annie Lennox look when it starts to grow back.

I am three weeks out tomorrow and not much more has grown. 

Jilly---great news and how was RELAY FOR LIFE???

Phyllis and Patti:   We will be here for you.   Many of us may be done, but the memories are close at hand....you will get through this.  June is just around the corner!   Patti, which of the 10,000 lakes are you visiting?

Holtbolt: you sure have had your share of unusual events through your treatment.  Hope your lashes and brows return soon.  I'm almost 5 weeks out and brows are still thinning -- i use a brow pencil from Almay to fill in the gaps.  Hope your Arimidex SEs  are few.   My hot flashes are worse, but no other obvious SEs.   I have my dental exam on Jun 1 to see if I am eligible for the bisphoshanate study.  

I am really tired of the wig.  It is soooooooo hot - between the hot flashes and the weather finally warming up ...  Been wearing the buffs from REI -- They are awesome...cool and comfortable.   And I am more comfortable with the "cancer look".   No hair yet.....

Will try again to get the port out.   I'm scheduled for Friday -- my counts better be good this time.  It is really starting to bother me - feels like two of the corners are eroding through skin.  And it is hard to limit my activity and not over use the arm -- there is gardening to do!!!   So wish me luck on Friday - everyone says this is easy, but I am still nervous about it.     

Rads are going well 9 down 21 to go.  Drove myself today --- a "sing on the top of your lungs day"!   Good to be alone in the car .   My glass bangle idea - start with 30 and remove one every day and give it to someone who helped me -- great idea except I managed to break anywhere from one to three a day -- at least I did not lacerate anything!  Anyway, I replaced them with beaded bracelets -- it has been wonderful giving them away....   

Well Jewels, stay strong... one day at a time....

Hi Jewels!! Had my rad sim yesterday. 2 tatoos--look like blackheads. Just what I need in the middle of my chest! The other is under my arm and I didn't feel it at all cuz I'm STILL numb there, as well as the back of my arm. I was worried that they weren't radiating my axilla, since I had positve nodes, but they told me that they go by a ratio, and since they took and 3 were positive, that they felt they got it all and research shows it wouldn't make a difference to do the axilla. That made me feel better--the "research shows....I told them I want to avoid Lymphemdema, but I'd much rather get all the cancer cells. I go back for verification on Friday.

Haven't started the armidex. I did call my onc about starting date, but I guess I need to leave another message.

Bev and Holtbolt--Eyebrows/lashes--STILL falling out!? So long after chemo? Mine are still falling out, but I'd hope to have more than a couple lashes by my son's graduation mid-June--I guess I can expect more to go. And I'm definitely brow pencil challenged, especially rushing to get to work with hands shaking! Gads. I'm not yet a week out from chemo, but I guess I felt that after a week everything would just quickly return to normal. My onc warned me probably not.

Diane--I know what you mean about the groups. I am gong to my 3rd tomorrow, and I'm still not sure. The ladies seems nice, but have all different kinds of cancer. There's another one starting up for post-chemo breast cancer, and that might be better for me.

Jess--good luck with the rads. Sounds like a good decision. Good luck with the TE and hope for no scarring.

KM47--Congrats on the trip! How fun. I can't open the flip top ketchup bottle, among other things.

KT57--Great news on the port--I'm so jealous! So they're able to do it during rads. That's one of the questions I called in to my onc. He prevously said I could get it out right away. Good for you with the bald/scarf look. I answered the door bald today, and a co-worker was bringing food. She is so sweet and said I look great. I still don't think I can do it at work...and it IS hot! And I haven't even started Armidex.

Jilly--GREAT news! I'm hoping some of my aches go away as the Taxol wears off, but my sore shoulder is really bothering me. I've been referred to a physcial therapist. Hope it's from surgery or arthritis. Trying to keep my mind out of the dark places, but it's really hard.

Plutz--June 12 is almost here! I'll be waiting too. Keep up posted on the grad festiviites!

Lisa - What a great and fun experience for your kids.  It will be so healthy for them to have a new place to connect and talk about your illness.  

On the DH topic - I am with those of you who are frustrated.  I have tried to be considerate that this is really hard for him too, in a different way.  More and more though he is working himself half to death and I know, at least in part, it is to avoid dealing with how weak I am right now.  He leaves no energy for me, for us.  It's hard.  Men can be way different from women.  I want to let let him know how I feel without drawing too hard a line but he makes that very difficult sometimes.  I had to let him know he's an 'ass' while he was on his way out the door this morning.      

I am more weak than ever, so stiff and achy, but this Friday is my last!  I am getting very excited!

Hi jjs.  Lady Jane so glad you are tolerating the taxol.  I had/have a time with the aches.  I took tylenol and then atavan at night.  I tried coedine, but I couldn't tolderate it. 

Will raise a "toast" to Year of the Hat ON FRIDAY!!!!  Yahooo. done with chemo!!!!!!

BKim--had my simulation.  Told the Doc to please make sure I don't have to much scar tissue, so I don't have to have a bunch more surgeries.  I felt so much better after talking to him.  He was very optimistic and said I would be okay.  He just couldn't live with himself if I turned down rads.  He heard about my second opinion and thought he would call me if I changed my mind about doing rads.  I feel better now, not happy about the potential scar tissue, but really NOT happy about the chance of recurrence.  sS there it is~~~

Lisalisa,  I have thought about such a place for my daughter to go to, but she's a 16 year old and acts so independent , it is hard to talk to her about my situation.  I will have to look into what they have for teens......

Hugs to all.