Anyone have a mood disorder before diagnosis?

The whole last year before DX I was depressed and gained alot of weight.I amsure itall helped bring on the B>C

I've had bouts of depression forever -- runs in the family (my mother was hospitalized twice for severe "agitated depression" in the 1960s -- back when they called it a nervous breakdown, and I guess it really was; an aunt committed suicide; of my mom and her 8 siblings, 5 have been hospitalized for depression -- and they're all hardworking, churchgoing farm families -- I think the "general public" is always shocked to learn that such "normal, stable" people could be incapacitated like this by mood disorders -- I think people are finally realizing how "physical" mental disorders can really be.)  Me and some of my siblings, and some of our children, have these problems as well.  The rough thing is, the chemistry doesn't respond well to most anti-depressants (could it have something to do with many of us being "non-producers" of CYP2D6? as I learned when I was beginning to take tamoxifen?).

Sorry to go on at such length about me and my family.  The odd thing for me was I think the "project" of getting through mastectomy actually focused me...  Now, two years later, I feel depression/disorganization returning.

Wishing you benign results, and PLEASE don't beat yourself up!  Hugs, Ann

It is almost 6 a.m. here and I have been on the computer since 5 am.  Did not sleep most of the night.  I saw my PCP yesterday about my depression and complained I wasn't sleeping so he gave me Abilify.  Well, I took it last night - nothing.

Cleomoon - I can't believe you have to wait until Monday to get the results - although, what's the rush, especially if its bc.

Desdemona - I didn't realize that AA had an "Emotions Anonymous" and I will check it out in my area.  My really big problem is experiencing emotions.  Coming from a highly dysfunctional family and one with a background of depression, I literally "stuffed" my emotions and wound up overweight, unhealthy and a depressed mess.

The problem with being in the throes of depression is that although you know what's the matter with you and you know everything you are feeling is because of the depression as opposed to reality, you're stuck.  No energy to get out.

Good luck everyone.  May God bless.

Hey Leaf - that is a less judgmental way of putting it.  I know growing up in my family my father was so unpredictable and could go into a rage without a second's thought, I also wait "for the other shoe to drop" with everything.  And since he had no boundaries I have3 sensitive feelers too.

I also hate confrontations.  I told a friend tbat once and I guess I have a pretty good facade and hide it well because her jaw dropped!  I hate confrontations, I didn't say I wasn't good at them.

Hi Cleomoon,

I have been treated for anxiety and depression for 10 years -- currently on Effexor XR.  The behavioural modification treatments just didn't work for me -- it was serotonin that was screwing me up and have to get that regulated. 

Yes, just when you feel fine and then have this BC possiblity hit you is awful.  Even if you don't have mood disorders it throws everyone for a loop.  It a terrible stressful thing.  Keep doing what has worked for you in the past until you get your test results -- I hope they're benign and this extra stress leaves soon. 

Also, when you talk to your doctor, even if you get good results (fingers crossed) ask about a support group.  I know it's hard when you have social anxiety, but you will be in a group of people that are in the same place as you, it's less threatening. 

I hope it goes well with you.  I understand what you're going through, it's no fun.  You are definitely not alone -- we're here, and we're here to support you as you wish.

Elizabeth

xoo

Yes, those hard-wired untruths -- when you're depressed they just get stronger and stronger.  Logically you know they're not true but you can't stop believing them.  When something bad like BC happens, getting sick seems to support all those untruths -- that hey, I got BC so I guess everything else awful is true.

My big one was that I was finally happy in my life and then BC showed up -- so I didn't deserve to be happy.  Great, eh?  But you just keep soldiering on...I am so grateful for the nurses and my onc -- they are so caring, it really helps a lot.

My doctor increased my Zoloft and I think I am feeling better.  Its hard to tell.  Sometimes I just submerge the depression and ignorantly go along until, when I least expect it the depression leaps up and bites me in the butt.

When you grow up in an unsafe house, where children are thought of as little maids and gofers without emotions or feelings and you are only as good as what you can do for the parents, emotions become stuffed (in my case literally with food).  I really want to look into Emotions Anonymous.  I dont think I know what is going to happen if I express emotions - I just know it would have been very dangerous to do that at home as a kid.

These posts are very helpful.  One, I know I am not the only person who feels the way I do; two, you help me articulate my feelings and identify what's going on in my head.  Thank you.

kmccraw -

If you can't find an Emotions Anonymous chapter, look into purchasing some of the Al-Anon literature.  It's always available at their meetings, and it wouldn't hurt to sit in on a few just to learn more about the program.  You don't have to talk or anything if you don't want to.  A book that really helped me is In All Our Affairs.  I am a worry wart anyway, very high strung, and my daughter is an alcoholic.  She was on the verge of killing herself from her drinking when she was 17 - she was so out of control, and I can't think of very many things that can drive a parent up the wall worse than that.  So I went to the Al-Anon meetings and started reading their literature a lot and it really helped me a lot!  For me personally, it was much more effective than counseling.  There is this little bookmark they give out free at the meetings called "Just For Today" that I kept on my pc at work for years and then on my refrigerator.  That bookmark alone has enough wisdom to help anyone get through the day no matter what they're going through.  The 12 step programs are a great way to handle the ups and downs of life in general and don't have to apply to substance abuse.

Thanks Desdemona.  I did find a local chapter in Alexandria, VA.

Hi Cleomoon- this thread has really touched me. The irony is I was telling someone the other day what my life was like in my 20's and 30's and they didn't believe me, because I am so different now.I'm 55 yrs old and I have to say I hope I never go back to that dark place. I have been on Prozac since 1990 and I will never NOT take it! It is to me what insulin is to diabetics. I have tried twice to go off it and both times symptoms came screaming back. I am utterly convinced that depression is a biochemical disorder !



Like many of you ladies-I grew up in a highly dysfunctional family. Alcoholic grandparents who created a crazy daughter (my mom-also suffers from depression and is a FLAMEING CODEPENDANT) who married my dad (a WWII vet who self-medicated his PTSD with alcohol) My dad was raised by foster parents after his mother died, until he was 8 yrs old and then his dad remarried a "refrigerator." So needless to say I was raised by two people who totally lacked the basics needed to parent healthfully. And needless to say I am totally neurotic. Mix a biochemical depression with neurosis and you have a mess!!!



In my teenage and college years I was very aware I had problems-but didn't know what to do about them. I was a pre-med major and I was petrified to ask for help because of the stigma attached (this was the 70's) and I was afraid it would prevent me from getting in med school.LOL It was probably what kept me out!!! Anyway by 1979 I got career in gear and finished med tech school and was finally able to afford therapy. I had a wonderful shrink who basically reparented me and we addressed a lot of my neurotic issues. But even after 8-10 years I was still suffering from depression and anxiety. In those years I also got involved with alanon and adult children of alcoholics and while I was able to develop more healthy coping skills - I was still symptomatic. I had tried some of the older drugs (Xanax,amitriptiline) but none of them really helped. When Prozac came out I begged my dr to try, but he was hesitant because it was so new and early on there was so much bad press about it. So I soldiered on!! In 1989 I graduated from nursing school and started my 1st job in critical care. BIG MISTAKE. The stress almost put me over the edge and within 9 mos I was begging my dr to put me in the hospital. He said enough is enough and we tried the Prozac. Within 10 days my symptoms TOTALLY disappeared. It was like someone flipped a light switch!! Too bad I had quit my nursing job.-but I've never look back with regret. My symptoms of depression and anxiety were often times paralyzing, and I often slept to escape them. The worst of which was constant obsessing-I could not go to sleep until I wrote down everything that was going round and round in my head. I read those old journals now and I can't believe the stuff I thought about!!! I also would cry at the drop of a hat. Anger was a big problem, as was CONSTANT suicidal thoughts. I attempted suicide 2x and was hospitalized both times.I had panic attacks because I was afraid to be home alone with my suicidal self. Nothing worked until I found the right med. I am not that same person. I'm telling you all this because you have to keep trying. If the med you were taking helped, then don't stop it. If it didm't work-keep trying different ones, until you find the right one. Some people have to try many different ones until they find the right one. The drugs are very similar chemically-but each person's chemistry is different as to how they respond.



To you other ladies who have suggested other modalities, please don't think I'm poo-pooing them because I have tried all of them and yes they were helpful in COPING with the depression and anxiety, but they didn't cure it. Only the med did that-in some people IT HAS TO BE BIOCHEMICAL. The irony is when I started the meds my PMS symptoms totally went away too. When I told my shrink about it he laughed and kind of said "if you say so". Today Prozac is used for PMDD. Who'd a thunk??! There is still so much we don't know about neurochemistry, but at least it's come out of the closet a little bit. Depression is a real physical illness and like other physical illnesses stress makes it worse. And BC diagnosis and treatment IS stressful!! So be very gentle with yourself and good luck with your surgery. Have a blessed night. Lynne
PS One of my favorite quotes was one by F.Scott Fitzgerald the author of The Great Gatsby, who also suffered from depression; "In the dark night of the soul-it's always three o'clock in the morning"