Embracing the Bald

How about just the tiara on your bald head? Or maybe those headbands withy antennas, remember from the 80's? with big sparkly foam balls on top?

http://www.costumes4less.com/prodimages/previews/5/previewBC36.jpg

Something like that?

How do you keep a tiara on a bald head?????  I almost pick one up yesterday at the Target $1 center but assumed I could not keep it on my head - it was of course designed for a child. 

Duct tape Seriously, wouldn't it hold in place if it just sat on your head? You could always go to a store like "Claire's" and try one, they usually have them.

Quiet on here recently.  Has anyone else experienced this?  I'm almost 3 months out.  I have a short stubble of hair--but stubble all over--shorter then anyone would deliberately do with a crew cut.  Tiny little bitty eyelashes and brows trying to grow in.  I embraced the bald and never wore a wig--and hat only when out in the winter--so certainly am not wearing one now that it is warmer.  I never had any problems or stares when bald, but boy do I now.  I was in the rest room of a rest area on a trip last weekend and turned around and caught two women shaking their heads in disgust.  I get some really ugly looks.  The bald got sympathy or no looks at all.  The stubble (Its all about the same length, not unkempt or scraggaly at all) is getting stares and some angry or disgusted looks.  My DH told me it reminds him of the angry looks young men got in the 60 and 70's when they grew their hair long. 

Anyone else noticed this?  

kmmd - Thank you for sharing your experience.  I had a feeling that the regrowth was going to be a bit challenging. 

When I read your post I wondered what I would do in the same situation.  I would like to think that I would be confindent enough to look at the ladies and say something like, "You look as disgusted I as feel that my hair isn't growing back fast enough."  But, I fear that I will be so invested in my hair regrowing that the looks will only remind me that there are still so many things about this journey that are out of my control.

I know that when I am walking around campus and I hear the snickerings of the older children as I walk by, I feel a jab of pain that I am being laughed at.  I want to turn around and tell the children how hurtful it is for them to laugh at me.  I want to let them know that each and every day I must muster the courage to be stronger, meaner, and happier than my cancer process.  But, of course, I do not because I understand the importance of fitting in, especially at their age.

I wish I could say that this understanding of their developmental level immediately dismisses my personal discomfort, but it doesn't.  Rather,  I am reminded how much I would like to "fit in" again.  I am reminded that with confidence and support my courage is steadfast; I am reminded that without confindence or support my courage is tenuous.  And frankly, it saddens me to  realize that my confidence can be shaken by the snickering of children.

This is one of my favorite places to build my confidence, and I am so grateful for this topic and for all you brave ladies who post here.  So, I will tap into your supportive energy and, once again, reaffirm that through this process of hair loss and regrowth, I would much rather learn to live through the insensitivities of other versus dealing with uncomfortable headwear. 

In the end, it still about the mustering the courage to be stronger, meaner, and happier than our cancer process, isn't it. . .

Cheers!

Cloud

kmmd - so sorry about your negative experiences. I haven't experienced it myself, but now that my hair is growing back, I keep wondering if people are "judging" me for have a shaved head, that's what it really looks like right now, and I'm only 34! Next time you get a nasty look, put out your best smile and say "I know, I can't believe what cancer did to my hair!" and walk away Glad to hear you met a nice BC survivor to make your day better.

 Cloud: gently let them deal with themselves, that says it all

Renee, I like that suggestion.  I agree, the grow out is harder--and the longer it gets the harder it gets.  My husband likes it, but I really don't like short hair on me.  Bald was easier.  The only time through all of this I was concerned is going to DS's college graduation.  I asked him about it because I was worried about his reaction to his instructors or friends reaction. He said anyone who was a real friend of his already knew and would understand, and I was not to do anything different or cover up my head, that he's proud of me.  That is enough for me.

Does anyone think by wearing the wig it keeps the hair from coming in?

Hi ladies.  I'm now 8 wks out from my last Taxol and I've started going topless.  It's about the same length as Caroline's.  She and I started the chemo journey around the same time!  It's hard at times for me, but I'm feeling braver and braver.  The light finally came on for me and I thought "why should I be afraid of showing my head?  It is, what it is!  I had chemo and lost my hair. It's NOT my fault!".  I'm afraid the wigs and hats will stunt my growth too so that is part of my new motifivation.  I posted this link in the Hair thread, but thought it was worth posting here as well!  It's probably be around already, but today is the first time I've seen it and it empowered me!  Robin Roberts vocalized all the things I've been feeling!

http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0geu8bpWARK51IA6KtXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTEzNmtpYmJuBHNlYwNzcgRwb3MDMQRjb2xvA2FjMgR2dGlkA0Y4NjBfMTIw/SIG=12nve1d1t/EXP=1241885289/**http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/BeautySecrets/story?id=4694536&page=1

Today for the first time I will go topless with my colleagues at work. I'm 11 weeks post chemo so I have a fairly even regrowth - a bit less then on that Robin Roberts video but my hair at the temples is mostly silver which doesn't cover as well.

I'm a remote employee who telecommutes most of the time. During chemo, it was winter so I always wore a hat or scarf to keep from being chilled - not because I felt a need to hid my bald head. Once the weather turned nice, I abandoned the scarves and hats but I was getting rads so I couldn't travel.

Thanks Jaimeieh. I'm not worried about my head, but I am about the non-topless part of my attire. For the first time since rads, I'm wearing a bra because I'm large and didn't want to meet with colleagues without one. I'm still a bit swollen and I'm concerned that the flight will make that worse. I barely fit in the bra without any increase in swelling. I hope I'm not causing things to get irritated by doing this as I have a meeting with more people next week.

I may have to ditch the bra and I'm kind of self-concious about that.

Caroline, it went fine. One colleague, on seeing me for the first time since I started chemo exclaimed on how strong and well I looked. I really feel pretty much back to my usual self. At one point during the meeting, I looked around the room and noticed that several of the men were showing more scalp than me even if their hair was longer. If they can live with their scalp showing because of thinning hair, why should I mind showing a bit of scalp while my hair comes back? At least mine will get better.

When I got on the plane, I worried that perhaps I should have taken a hat after all at least for on the plane because it can get cold and sometimes drafty from the vents. Fortunately I found that even my 1/4 inch or so of hair is insulating enough that my head didn't get cold on the flight.

The bra was a bit more of a challenge, but the burn under my arm is healing quickly so the second day it was less of an issue. I think that will be healed by next week when I have a bigger meeting.

I had a great week of being bald!  The video taping was fun.  I peeked in on the filming crew as they were setting up and warned them that they were going to interview a bald woman and asked if they would please fix the lighting so my head wouldn't shine; however, I was open to idea of a halo appearing above my head--you know anything to help my lead teacher win the award.

Around town, I have noticed that drivers and pedestrians are turning heads to look at me. It is sort of a "is that a bald lady?" kind of a look.  For some reason, I get a kick out of these looks, but my best look of the whole week was from a toddler.  The look on this little guy's face was priceless.  He was running to catch up with his older sister and somehow he noticed me; he stopped, cocked his head to the side, and stared with a little frown on his face as I drove by.  I laughed and told my husband even a three-year-old knows a woman is supposed to have hair on her head.

I have had people comment that without hair my features are much more noticeable.  I experienced it first hand with one of my 4th grade students.  I was sitting beside her working on a lesson; she was looking directly in my eyes.  I thought she was really paying attention to my "excellent" teaching when she interrupted me to tell me that she always thought my eyes were brown, but now she sees that they are green.

But, the absolute best experience of all was with one of my sixth grade students.  She loves to draw and said that she didn't want to draw a picture of me because it was so sad that I didn't have any hair.  Once again, I told her I didn't think it was sad.  She said, okay, not sad but embarrassing.  I told her, as I have many times before, that if it was embarrassing, it was embarrassing to her, because I wasn't embarrassed.  She protested that it would be too hard to draw me without hair.  I told her it would be one of easiest pictures she ever drew: round head, eyes, ears, nose, and a mouth.  Frankly, I was busy doing other things and I didn't care if she drew a picture or not.  A short time later she handed me the cutest picture.  I was so excited about it; I immediately pinned it up on the wall.  She was amazed at my reaction and decided she needed to include my earrings.  I think it was really a turning point of acceptance for her because she began to beam with pride.  Today, she came and asked me to sign her yearbook.  This really means a lot to me because she is one of my favorite students and she has been distancing herself from me since I became bald.

I really do love the drawing!  I am going to reduce it in size and use it as the cover of my thank you notes and on the 4 o'clock seed packets that I am giving out to the staff. (4 o'clocks are the unofficial cancer survivor flower).

Cheers!

Cloud