just a daughter that needs comfort

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danajane
danajane Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment

my name is dana and i am 28. my young mom has been battling cancer for  7 years now and i am so scared. i don't feel like i have anyone to turn to for advice so thought maybe there are some caring souls out there for me. My mom got breast cancer 7 years ago and beat it quick and we thought it was all over. but 2 years ago she got cancer in her pancreas that had spread to about a basball size tumor in her live. chemo didn't help but she did some new treatments in reno NV and has beat the odd.

however last month it has spread to her bones and brain...the doctoers keep saying that its ok they will just do chmo again and all will be fine. my mom is my best friend but i feel like she is for the first time keeping things from me. i am so scared but i just want the thruth! i have 2 small children and i want to know how much more time i have with her. does anyone have an anwser? or advice to be able to help my mom?

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  • idaho
    idaho Member Posts: 1,187
    edited May 2009

    Nobody knows how much time she has, or how much time anyone else has for that matter.  All you can do is love her and help her, and just be there for her.  This damn disease is so awful, I am sorry you have to go through this.  There are new chemo drugs out there, maybe one will keep her going for a long, long, time.  Maybe not, but don't give up hope.  I am glad you got the seven years you did, and hope you have many more.  Peace to you, Tami

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  • danajane
    danajane Member Posts: 2
    edited May 2009

    thank u tami....i love her and love the time i have had with her. it is just the bond she has with my one year old son. they are so close and i want him to know his Nani forever. today is just such a bad day. i wanna cry so much. what then?

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited May 2009

    i hope my daughter loves me as you love your mom.. She is so lucky to have you. Every woman should have someone who will be there for them with love.  May you have many years with your mom. 

    Do you live close to her? 

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  • miricle
    miricle Member Posts: 7
    edited May 2009

    I feel so foolish sometimes, I am hoping that mum having all the treatment and her breast removed means thats it,that my mum will be in that small percentage of women who dont have it come back. It has been 1 1/2 years and she is still so scared of dying. I am such a teary person, yet for her I have only ever been strong and I dont know how ive done it. She crys often and worries about every pain, I tell her "your gunna be a lovely old granny who I take out for a cream tea". Inside I cry and in the beginning I howled myself to sleep, pushing my face into the pillow so my children did not hear. I have 3 children and they all love their Grandma so much, she looks after my youngest boy of 3 often and I too want him to remember her and she wants to see them all grow up and get married. When I read your thread I felt sick and tears sprung instently to my eyes and i dread the day when Im told its come back and knowing how scared she will be and to find the strength, because I would just want to scream NO, NO, NO! Its so unfare and im so sorry for you and all the women out there who have to feel the pain of this damn thing. Our babies are what keep us going, our children need us too dont they, I have to tell myself that,  I mean because were so close I sometimes feel like im still mummies little girl (im 34) I give you a hug where ever you are and I pass onto you the strength of one person who has been through some of  what you have and I send you courage and love. My little girl who is 8 has been my rock and is wise with her words and we must let our darling children take our minds off of the hard things to come. Sorry if I have been too intence and I also apologise for my terrible spelling. Anytime you want to talk Im here for you. xxxx

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  • NatureGrrl
    NatureGrrl Member Posts: 1,367
    edited May 2009

    Dana, everyone's right -- there's absolutely no way to predict how much time your mom might have.  I've seen doctors call it totally wrong both ways, and most don't like to put out such predictions anyway, because they can be so totally wrong.  And predictions can take away hope.  The best you can do -- and I know this sounds trite or like a cliche, but it's so very important -- the best you can do is make the most of any time you do have with your mom, whether it's months or decades.  I watched a family focus (rightfully so, don't get me wrong) on their mother, who had cancer, and then they suddenly lost their father in a car accident.  My point is, none of us know how long we're going to be here, awful disease or not.

    The best thing you can do for your mom is just love her...  and truly enjoy the time you have together. I know, in dealing with my own cancer, that what I need most is just to hear from people, spend time with them, and do the ordinary, every day things that we've always done.    Laugh a lot, do things together you enjoy, let those grandchildren love her... and when she doesn't feel like laughing, hold her hand and just be there.  I know my first instinct is to want to run in and "fix" things but sometimes we can't -- and it's really really hard to feel so helpless in the face of something so awful. But remember that everything you do -- no matter how little or ordinary it may seem to you -- means more to her than you can ever realize.  It matters.  You matter.

    Focus on now, and focus on what you have, rather than what you might lose.  Do what brings joy.  Cry with her if she needs that.  But mostly, like I said, just love her. Listen to your heart.  The rest will follow.

    warm hugs,

    Carol

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