I cry on the way to work

Wow Jaanee - you are NOT being bitter! Your boss is being an @ssh*le......and if your collgeaues have so much TIME on their hands to spend gossipping with each other, it seems to me that your boss should have reassigned some of your work to them while you were out. My guess is that your boss is not managing her priorities or office properly - perhaps SHE was chastised by HER boss and took it out on you!  Seems to me that you need to tell your boss that you hope SHE never gets breast cancer! I was out from work 4 months due to infections after my surgery and my boss PLANNED for my absence. Other people picked up the slack and the work got done................your boss should consider herself LUCKY that you returned after only a months absence!  

I wish I could help you find a new job............keep your eyes and ears open...........check out Craig's list and the newspapers! Shake the dust of that place from your feet and move on! Oh and btw - you are probably MUCH better off staying away from the office gossip - I don't think these people are really your friends at all! Hang in there and hold your head high! You've been through enough - don't feel guilty for how poorly THESE people are treating you!

Jaanee- I agree totally with Swim and Barbe. They are right on! Just don't let your hurt feelings make you do anything rash- like quitting this job before you are SURE you have another one. It is tough out there right now.   

Jeez Kira! I'm wondering something. I, too, was called into a meeting, but so were a bunch of other people, but not all. I was told times were getting tough and I had to decide what I wanted to do. They did acknowledge my health "issue". As I have $300,000 in sales waiting to be delivered, I want to stay to get my commission! As well, I have benefits at work I can't afford to lose.

I came to the conclusion that they were just "shaking the tree" to see who would fall out and leave as they can't justify firing anyone just for economic reasons. 

Hi, Kira ~  So sorry you're having such a stressful time @ work.  I've been there, done that (gotten on the wrong side of a boss, hated going to work) several years pre-bc, and have since wondered if the stress from it contributed to my bc.  So, I have to say right off that I don't like hearing that you're in that kind of a situation now for your future health.

I agree with everything the other gals have said.  Your boss obviously has issues, but much like barbe, one of the first things I thought of was threatened budget cuts and the need to identify the staff member who can most easily be let go with some justification.  For that possible reason, I think I would have a heart-to-heart with your boss and try to clear the air, especially if your performance issues are a thing of the past.  Unless you're prepared to find another job quickly, I think you're going to have to take the bull by the horns and do whatever it takes to get back in her good graces, including working longer hours and taking on extra work, if necessary.  I would also document each of your conversations with her, just to be sure you have a record of it.

As far as being left out of the coffee breaks, is that something that happened while you were on leave after surgery?  Or did they start that when you were out?  Maybe they initially thought you couldn't afford the time?  Without knowing the dynamics of the group, it seems like if you were included before, it's time to mention that you've missed joining them, but are now caught up on your work enough to take a break again some days.  To leave it as it is is adding to a dynamic of being singled out that you don't want.     Deanna  

P.S.  I was writing as you were posting, and just wanted to say that if you are per diem and the others are not, that puts a slightly different spin on things.  They're still jerks, but I can see how it adds to the singling out dynamics.

(Reposting, thanks Kira... not quite awake yet here!) 

Jaanee ~  So sorry you're having such a stressful time @ work.  I've been there, done that (gotten on the wrong side of a boss, hated going to work) several years pre-bc, and have since wondered if the stress from it contributed to my bc.  So, I have to say right off that I don't like hearing that you're in that kind of a situation now for your future health.

I agree with everything the other gals have said.  Your boss obviously has issues, but much like barbe, one of the first things I thought of was threatened budget cuts and the need to identify the staff member who can most easily be let go with some justification.  For that possible reason, I think I would have a heart-to-heart with your boss and try to clear the air, especially if your performance issues are a thing of the past.  Unless you're prepared to find another job quickly, I think you're going to have to take the bull by the horns and do whatever it takes to get back in her good graces, including working longer hours and taking on extra work, if necessary.  I would also document each of your conversations with her, just to be sure you have a record of it.

As far as being left out of the coffee breaks, is that something that happened while you were on leave after surgery?  Or did they start that when you were out?  Maybe they initially thought you couldn't afford the time?  Without knowing the dynamics of the group, it seems like if you were included before, it's time to mention that you've missed joining them, but are now caught up on your work enough to take a break again some days.  To leave it as it is is adding to a dynamic of being singled out that you don't want.     

And Kira, I'm so sorry that you went through something similar.  None of us need job issues or income concerns on top of bc, and it's all too common!   I don't know why people can't be more compassionate.  It's very disappointing.   Deanna  

Deanna and Barbe, thank you!

I did cry, and the medical director told me he wouldn't talk to me until I got myself under control...

I come off as tough also, but it's a facade.

Jaanee, we do the best we can under difficult circumstances, and I agree with Deanna, and from my own experience, sometimes we get scapegoated for economic and other reasons.

Kira 

Jaanee-

After alot of job searching after my 1st cancer in 1999, I found the Dept. of Rehabilitation. This is a state agency. In CA, the jobs are called LEAP-Limited Examination Appointment Program-Cancer is considered a limitation re: work. (the side effects, etc.) These jobs will give you reasonable accomodations and a union in which you can file grievances against a manager like that.

I've had groups go to break at my work and it hurt but it also felt like high school. I also don't want to get involved with gossip because we don't need any negatives when trying to heal from cancer. Also these groups were inevitably trying to avoid working. 

And wow, only off a month. We're protected for a year in our jobs re: The Family Act. (I can't think of the full act) Chemopause!  Please take care of yourself.

Jaanee, let us know how this day, Monday, went for you. I don't know if you have this site on at work, but I care, and want to make sure you're okay. You have an awful lot of elephant sisters standing right behind you....you are not alone.

Jaanee! I'm so proud of you! It's great to start to take control, isn't it? I also say, "I'm not at work to make friends, I'm at work to make money!"

I have FM too! It's hard enough with all this without that as well, isn't it? I am taking a new slow-release drug called Tridural that seems to be keeping my pain level down to a manageable level as it stays in my system 24/7. About the only thing my DH hasn't had to do for me is wipe my bum! He can undress/dress me faster than I can! He's had to feed me Tylenol 3's while I was lying in bed and I'd have to chew them as I couldn't lift my head to take water...

I think (always thinking!) that maybe your boss is afraid that you'll want to be buddy/buddy now that you know about the Prozac! She may be trying to keep you at arm's length (and doing a good job of it!)

Besides, you should head over the the "Housework" thread. We have coffee all day long and your boss isn't invited! We are your closer friends and understand and care for you a lot more than those syncophants! (Look THAT up in Google if you have to!) I love that word as it sounds just right!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ HUGZ }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

We'll be thinking of you on Tuesday, too, you know!   

I'm floored reading this thread of how hurtful people can be.  I don't know why, but I am.  Our society has become so insensitive and we have been in that "ME" mentality for way too long.

http://www.dol.gov/dol/topic/benefits-leave/fmla.htm

Here's information on the Federal Family Medical Leave Act.  Hopefully it will afford you some protection against losing your job until you are ready to move on.   I don't believe they can make up reasons to let you go if you are a full-time employee at the time of your dx.  Arm yourself if possible, before it's needed and look up to have a labor attorney's name ready.  Don't let them get away with any underhanded activities if you can help it.

Do you really want to be included in a group that treats you so shabbily?  Maybe at first it was oversight but for it to continue, they know exactly what they are doing and how hurtful they are being.  If they don't have the courage or heart to decline to join the group, you don't need them. 

You go to work every day, my sisters, and hold your heads up high because you are the fortunate ones who are not lowering your standards of caring for others.  You are the better person.

Now I'm mad...... but I'll rise above them.

Jean,

 I am a manager in HR.  I have never heard of such a thing.  Contact your HR Director to ensure this is all legit.  Also check your local state legislation.  I know sometimes, which I hate to admit, some people in my dept do not have the correct facts for our policies.  FMLA is Federal Law.  Have you tried to apply under that yet?  You will be covered and protected.  They can't screw with you as easily.  You will be guaranteed a job back that is a the same pay as your current.  It might not be the same exact job, but they generally cannot hurt you for taking leave, as long as you qualify to be covered under FMLA. Check the guidlines to ensure you meet the criteria and bring it to your HR dept...don't drop this!  If you meet the criteria...then you are entitled to FMLA!  It's not right what they are doing to you!  http://www.dol.gov/esa/whd/fmla/

Hi Patoo,

I opted for STD over FMLA per the advice of the HR lady.  I would be paid on STD.  I did request their policy at the time but she just sent me the forms for STD, not the policy.  I went ahead and got everything going so I would get paid, them WHAM, a week later the vice president calls and tells me they would need to fill my position because I would be out to long.  AND when I was ready to come back I would not go into my old position and there would be adjustments to my salary.  I'm so stressed right now it makes me sick.  No, I do not want to go back there after what they are putting me through.  I feel they are pushing me out, discrimminating against me because I have breast cancer and would be a high risk if I came back.