Is this NORMAL?

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Lursa5
Lursa5 Member Posts: 112
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Please! Stop telling me this is ‘Normal'. I HATE it when I see that! One person who actually had BC compared my anxiety to a ‘first date', or a ‘test'! PLEASE! This is BC, people!

I am finding out SO MUCH on this site and I am so very thankful for each and every post, but I really don't want to hear.

' It's normal, or natural for you to be concerned.' There is nothing normal or natural about this.

I especially hate to see "It's NORMAL for you to not poop for 7 days, want to eat, not want to eat, drink, get out of bed, take a shower, read a book, sleep, walk, drive, cook, clean,.....keep adding to the list...."

NO! This is NOT normal OR natural for me! This is BC....I have the worst kind, I guess....triple negative. GRRRR! FIGURES!

I suppose it's NORMAL or NATURAL for folks to want to minimize this. Can't say as I blame them but tell it to yourself. Sitting by the window for 30 min every day is NOT going to bring my blood pressure back down from 155/102 to where it's supposed to be (118/67). It's NOT going to slow my racing pulse...(normally 74, now 160). Walking is not going to make me sleep, nor take this nasty taste out of my mouth. How can I walk? My TOENAILS are falling off! Is it going to stop me from wandering around the kitchen trying to find my coffee cup.? (It was in the fridge) help me to remember to make a phone call? Pick my daughter up from school at 3:30 instead of 4:45? Is this NORMAL for most people?

It never was for me. Normal and Natural are base lines. My base line is NOT BC.

Holy Hannah!

Thanks for listening.!

xoxo

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  • mzmiller99
    mzmiller99 Member Posts: 894
    edited May 2009

    Hi, Lursa5 - Yeah, our normal will never be normal again. It's the new norm that we compare our lives to, I guess.  I know what people mean when they say how good it must be to be back to normal.  But, I still want to beller at them the nothing will ever be normal again!!

    That said, almost a year after my dx, I am settling back into the old pettiness, little things are annoying once again. (I promised myself I would never be bothered by the little things in life. Ha.)

    My body is plugging along, BP, cholesteral, weight-all higher than from before dx, but the weight I'm working on, the cholesteral is responding to drugs, and the BP is down, unless I'm at the onco's!

    Somehow, we have to make some peace with our unnatural lives.  It ain't ever gonna be the same, but it's gonna be OK.  So says I, when I am so not happy with my disfunctional brain and body! 

    I am no expert, but it does settle down - for most of us.  Good luck and kind hugs.

    Susan

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  • Katalin
    Katalin Member Posts: 230
    edited May 2009
    I think when people say it's "normal", they mean that they've gone through the same thing, and that they understand where you're coming from.  NOT trying to minimize it!!! No one likes it, everyone gets angry.  (I'd like to say it's normal to get angry, but it might make you mad!!Laughing) You'd have to also have your head examined with an x-ray machine to think any of think crap is okay.  One thing is for sure, you have to go through it to get to the other side of it.  And yes, things change forever.  I sometimes think, after the stress and surgery and chemo and invasive tests and worry upon worry that the worst of my DX and TX is that I am now menopausal, and I think menopause STINKS the big STINK.  Like a big steaming cherry on the top of it all.  But it is true that it settles down, it changes your forever, but you find ways to live with the situation.  I am truly sorry you're going through so much crap...I wish I could make it better!!!
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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited May 2009

    Katalin said it well, I'll add, our responses are kind of like: "Read the book, saw the movie, bought the T-shirt". Trust us, if we hear anything unusual we'll let you know!

    I never did want to be normal.....Tongue out

    Any second now, someone is going to post that you should talk to your doctor about your feelings or seek counselling at your cancer centre. Many of us are taking antidepressants that help us cope with all this "normal" shit. We have the technology (and the pharmaceuticals!) to help you through this...

    Take gentle care.

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  • Lursa5
    Lursa5 Member Posts: 112
    edited May 2009

    Well, I was just kinda on a rant. I KNOW you all know how that goes.

    Seeing It's natural for you to feel this way or normal for this to happen, SO MUCH just got to me...you know?

    Kinda like; You just got your leg cut off. It's normal for you too fall over.

    Barbi, before I out post myself again, I sent you a PM yesterday (my limit was already up) I just wanted to be sure to thank you for all the kind posts.

    All of you have been wonderful but barbi's been right behind me on nearly every post and subject. 

    Me and a whole lot of others

    Thank you all, gals!

    xoxo

    Lursa5

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited May 2009

    AHAHAHAHHA, I'm sorry Lursa, but I had to laugh out loud at your leg comment! Reminds me of a joke with a frog and a scientist. As he cuts off each leg, the frog will still try to jump. When the final leg is cut off, the frog can't jump so the conclusion is that the frog went deaf! hehehehehe

    Laughing

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  • emtesla
    emtesla Member Posts: 34
    edited May 2009

    Lursa, you are so right. I actually had a person tell me that at least I had gotten the "good" breast cancer because I have DCIS. I had another person tell me that, after my mastectomies, I would know how she feels (she's flat chested). I relate to finding the coffee cup in the refrigerator; I found my frozen burgers in the refrigerator and my mayo in the freezer. Guess I got confused when I made lunch one day. I had an appointment with my BS that I don't even remember having, much less what was discussed. Thankfully I had my best friend with me, who did remember the discussion about a SNB during my surgery.

    We do have a rather predictable way of handling grief (and yes, this most certainly qualifies as grief) that you have most likely heard of, and maybe that is why people have told you your feelings are "normal". Shock, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. I guess I am in the acceptance phase now, because I get that there is nothing I can do about getting BC, and there is nothing I can do that will change the fact that in my case mastectomy is my only answer.

    Be angry. Do what you have to do to get through this. It isn't fair, it isn't normal.  

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  • flash
    flash Member Posts: 1,685
    edited May 2009

    I think "normal" is the wrong word.  What people are saying is that it is an EXPECTED reaction or feeling.  Yes it sux.  Of course we should be angry. Ok, enough of my soapbox.  Hope your day is going well and things get better.  Never feel badly for venting. That's what we are all here for: to help each other.

    Hugs

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited May 2009

    Flash, you have a very low soapbox! Laughing But what a great word to explain what we were all trying to say. It's so validating to read others' stories to see what has happened so when it does, we aren't quite as stressed. It was "expected" and if it doesn't happen...well! It's like when the weatherman says "rain" but we're happy when he's wrong! 

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