Starting Chemo February 2009?

Oh Judy they don't want me to call.  I tried doing a little bit of gardening but after my sweet angels knocked to pots over that I had completed it just took my rage up a little higher.  So if you need me to call I would be thrilled to call. 

On a good note my 3 yr. old told me my hair is growing.  Watch after my last chemo I will finally go bald..lol...

You guys crack me up, thanks for making me smile!

Yes Kerry, i am right now getting drugs poured into me!  Got the onc to change all my premeds back to what they were.  No problems yet with any heartburn or anything, so maybe the local center will take me back!

Hugs to you all, you guys rock

Jud

get out the kleenex 

so i have this daughter. (9)...  honestly, i don't know where she came from.  her sense of purpose is so mature.

last week she told me she bought something for me at a garage sale and this afternoon she said "i am going to give you your present."  and she pulls out a small gift wrapped in a paper towel with a ribbon..

"you can use that paper towel.. it should be clean"

 i open the gift and it's a little Angel Christmas tree ornament that says 'Grandmother of the Bride"

 she says"  I'm hoping you will be around to watch my daughter get married, but if not, we'll put this in the coffin with you" 

i said that i'd be 83 years old.. i'll be lucky to make it to 73.

and she said: 'that's why i thought we'd stick it in your coffin... it won't even show.  we can stick it under your back."

i had to excuse myself... to go have a cry.  this is the same daughter who, when i told her i had cancer said "you better where a hat or something, we don't want your hair falling out all over the house".

at least she's not all emotional on me.

Ahhhh... Apple.  So sweet.  You'll be around that long, just wait and see.  And, I'm going to come to that wedding!!!!  You have to bring me as your date!

Judy~ I'm POed for you!!! Sheesh, you'd think you were the 1st person to ever have a reaction to chemo!!

Okay what do I do when my mother keeps saying only so many days until you are done forever ?  I have explained that it will never be done "forever" about a 100x times to her yet she continues to say it.  BTW, my mom is 56 and has no other issues that I could blame it on.  I have no idea to get the point acrossed to her that it's not like poof it's all over.  (but don't we all wish).  Any great words of wisdom ??

Well, I did fine during tx today, no weird reactions, so maybe they'll calm down now!

Jaimie and Web:  Moms can be frustrating at times, I know.  But I think maybe that what we are going  through is soooo hard for them, and they don't like to think about their DD's being so sick.  They truly do want it to be all over for us, they are scared for us, and don't quite understand everything we are going through. 

When my daughter got so sick, I found it so extremely difficult that I couldn't do a damned thing to help her, for the first time in our life, I was helpless to fix it.  I found that so frustrating, and so angry and scared about the whole situation that I started my own way of dealing with it, kind of a 'tough love':  you're really sick, but you have to learn to deal with it, to face it, I won't always be around to hold you up, you need to be strong, etc.  I wasn't trying to be mean, I truly wanted her to be stronger and to be able to take care of herself.  It is really hard as a mother to deal with a chronic illness in your child.  I live in fear of what will happen to her every single day.  I feel guilty that I can't help her every single day.  Even though I am scared on the inside, I pretend to be strong on the outside.

I'm not trying to make your feelings invalid, just trying to point out that your moms love you, but may feel so bad that they can't 'fix' you, or have trouble facing the truth because it scares them. 

Obviously, not all moms are the same, and your moms should be told how you feel, and how what they say is wrong.  I just wanted to give my perspective as a mom of a sick adult child, and how even I was surprised at my own reaction to her illness.  It was almost like if I acted like she wasn't really sick, if I didn't baby her, didn't let her become dependent on me for her daily and emotional needs, she would get strong and get better.  It didn't work.  I can't fix her, and I had to come to terms with that fact. I finally had to accept that she could very well die before I do if things don't turn around soon.   *sigh*

Hugs

Judy

Chemo Warriers, you lovely ladies all...I am officially DONE with chemo...woohoo. The 2nd opinion looked at my chart, listened to my history, considered my great desire to finish my chemo (stopped after 3 TC TX due to allergies/toxicity issues) and said, too bad you didn't do this new test on your tumor --it would help with this decision. me: Oh, you mean the oncotype? I had one,  didn't they send that over? I had an 18. him, New onc, with no hesitation --then you're done. me: seriously, what about the lymphatic/ vascular involvement? --oh no, you're done. I would have randomized you for the TailorX study...

Can't tell you how much better I feel about it all. Having gone through all of this (and you all know of what I speak...) I couldn't imagine stopping prior to the finish line without exactly his sort of confident pronouncement. I know there are no guarantees, but I feel good having treated this as agressively as I could. We talked a bit --he explained his thinking and his advice to stop now confirmed that of my previous onc --His advice included thoughtful explanation and obvious respect for my questions and concerns. The latter was lacking in the previous onc, who was elderly, very old school, and did not seem a big fan of the oncotype (my surgeon ordered it) --overall, I'd say he would probably be ok for someone who didn't question anything, but he was simply was not a good fit for me.

 So its on to Tamoxifen for me. Talked to my younger sister, Cathy, who is already on Tamoxifen, having had DCIS, surgery and whole breast radiation 2 years ago... She relayed that the sister between us, Ann, went to Mayo for her mammogram and followup last week --they did some computer calculations based on our family history (aunts and sisters, mom had historectomy early) and she has been put on Tamoxifen preventively. Cathy did have genetic testing --no Braca, but there must be something going on...bet they know in 10 years or sooner.

I have already done rads with mammosite, so I am into the next phase...

My pyschologist was worried about my loss of support after treatment. Honestly...you guys have been my support...I'm not going anywhere.

By the way, little wispies of white hair are coming in to complement the sparse dark stubble that never did fall out. I won't be removing the scarves anytime soon. I look hilarious.

Hugs to all of you!

 Apple  -your daughter is a gem. She gets it from you!

Well, add me to the steroid list - just popped my mornings dose! I'll be tied to the Chemo Chair tomorrow too.

Judy - so glad you finally got your drugs, and that you seem fairly SE free. I think what you wrote about Mothers is very true - my Mother has an attitude of "It'll all be OK" and I think it is too hard for her to entertain any other possibility. I also think most people don't "get it" with Breast Cancer, and how it lurks and reappears years later - and why would they? I know I never did before all this happened to me. My MIL in the other hand has me dead and buried, so you can't win. I didn't realise your daughter was so sick, I am so sorry to hear that. It must make your life doubly stressful right now.The whole way through this I have kept thinking "well at least it isn't happening to my kids", I don't think I could bear that.

Apple -  your story bought tears to my eyes. What a Honey. Tell her we will all come and dance at her daughters wedding!!

Datadrudge - wow, all done! Congratulations!! Glad you found an Onc that would listen to you. Mine is young, which I really like, and I do feel she listens to me and answers pretty truthfully. It is very important to feel you have been heard.What is the TailorX study??

So now some of us are starting to finish up we will have to have a hair growing competition!! I am hoping I start to get regrowth in about three weeks, I would say it will be a couple of months before there is coverage. but at least it is summer, i might be able to get away with sun-hats rather than a wig. I am really missing my hair....!

well, i just spent a sobering morning with my dear sister in law.  She's been fighting breast cancer for 16 years now.  She's in bed now.. can't get up.  i washed and combed her hair.  she was delighted that she had more than me. she only ate one bit of canned pear.  'absolutely not!' to any other offer of food.  She's been a wonderful foe of breast cancer.. vocally angry and vigilante about spreading the word - totally pissed at the disease. 

sigh

Judy - great news about the hair!! Mine is still leaving me. Been getting Hot Flashes though!!

Well, we are off in about 1/2 hour for the Chemo Clinicand then it will be over! It will be a relief, I am looking forward to getting some normalicy in our lives again. Who would have thought that boring was so desirable! I still have Rads and my ooph, but I feel Chemo is a big hurdle to have got over. And all I can do is hope that I am not one of the unlucky ones, and that the cancer is super-responsive. 

Anyhow, we are planning on taking some photos today, so i will post some of my last hurrah! (no stripper dances though....!)

Kerry -the TailorX study is a clinical trial comparing the effectiveness of giving chemotheraphy to women with Er positive, node negative, Her2 negative early stage breast cancer. Women qualify if they fall into a certain Oncotype score range. More info here, especially since I'm not sure I explained it correctly. The nurses on the board will surely set me straight!!! http://www.cancer.gov/clinicaltrials/digestpage/tailorx

Hi Ladies!

Hope all are doing somewhat ok.

Apple-your daughter is a real hoot... you must be proud of her! She sounds so mature for her age.

Datadrudge-Congrats on no more chemo!

Kerry-Last one today... HOOORAY!!!!!!!

I'm down to rads treatment #10, 2 weeks down already, the time sure does go by quickly.

Well it looks like the Taxotere got to my nails a bit.  Now almost 8 weeks out of chemo I am loosing one of my nails, it seems to be lifting from the bed, and the rest are discolored. I kept a UV protector on them until my last chemo but maybe I should have kept it on longer. Who knows...

Just checking in ladies, hang tight!

Sue

Datadrudge _ Do you play those stringed instruments?  wow

there is life beyond Breast Cancer.  I stopped at an estate sale and bough THREE perfect pairs of organ shoes.  - they're 60 bucks a piece usually.  (3 each). (they have suede soles and low heels - little straps - narrow and sensitive - not for walking).

Ta Da!

Congratulations Kerry - so happy for you .

Re my sis in law........... My brother in law called hospice today.  I have this wonderful little brother (George) who practically lived at their house during high school and college... he was best friends with their son. (my nephew).  

George set me and my husband up.  (it only took us 9 years to have our second date.. haha)  Anyway, he is just a saint  - one of those people who lives to serve others.  He will be so helpful in her coming passing.  he just has a special holiness about him.  Brother in law called me and told me that Geo. (the bro) offered to be with Beth nonstop.  bless his little heart.

life is so special - so dear. (thanks for the kind wishes).

Just wanted to throw out a quick hello, had TX 5 yesterday so just one more left. Congrats to the grads of chemo thus far.

Apple, you are just an inspiration. Your ability to deal with all that comes your ways is terrific. My best to you and your family.

Jaimieh, keep recovering and feel good.

Susan13, nice to hear from you and hear how great it is that you're already 2 weeks into rads.

Judy, thanks for sharing with us and my best to you and your daughter.

Janice, hope your infusion went well today.

Webbie, what is ax web syndrome, is it a variation of your screen name or is it really something?

And to all a very merry, happy May. Changed my avitar, funked it up a bit.

Well, it is done. A bit of an emotional day actually, but good to have it behind me. Here are some photos - including my celebration cake! The nurses also came around and gave me three cheers, and a juice toast! I told them I appreciated how nice they had been, but that I never wanted to see any of them again!Felin OK still this morning, will probably hit the hole by Sunday. also need 7 Neupogen shots after the febrile neutropenis last round - they are going to teach my Husband how to give them to me. eek.