Kicking cancer butt and keeping it away for 13 years ............Hooorrrraaayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!Thirteen years ago Cancer invaded my body and demanded that I suffer chemo, go through hair loss and give away one of my breast. I had to do it for my survival and did it grudgingly. I hated it with all my heart and considered BC to be one of my worst enemies ever. It went to prove me right by taking away my sister and mom in years to come.

Today after 13 years I am sitting here and thinking of personally what did I lose and what did I gain from breast cancer or precisely gain in my life after BC .

Loss of one breast. I had lost my hair too but it has come back. Self confidence has grown much more than what it used to be. I value my life more now because I had to fight for it.. and that too with a demon named cancer. I feel my life is something I have earned now. I have enjoyed watching my kids grow into their teens and loved every moment of it (other than few moments like Farheena going through her surgery etc). I would never have known how wonderful my kids are and how blessed I am to have them if I had not fought cancer furiously 13 years ago. I turned  into an extrovert after my cancer experience. It was just too much to keep in my chest and I felt my ribs breaking out. So had to pour out everything and found out how good it is to share our feelings. I have found amazing friends in the past 13 years. Also some wonderful people who made much difference to me. They changed me into much better person and also made me realize my own potential and resources. When I had slipped into a great depression, one of the counselor , who used to visit us during my sisters illness suggested I go to helping hand. Initially I was very hesitant but when I visited helping hand I met people who changed me for good and also made me much better person with my kids and all kids in general. I cannot forget how helpful the people at Helping Hand have been for me and my kids. They are the ones who do not give you fish but teach you fishing.  There have been friends who have made me realize that it is not necessary to be rigid. Sometimes it helps to flow with the tide and enjoy life.  I don't know where I would be today without the help from these people. Farheena being a special needs kid, me getting BC and losing my sister to BC all in a span of year made it very tough for me to handle it emotionally. Rizwan was being nasty and was not much of help. He came out with his worst self when I was going through worst period. May be he was not tough enough to handle the pressure cancer brings with it and also he was not willing to accept that he has a special needs child. He was living in complete denial.

I hear all the horror tales of doctors and wonder where they are.. because all the doctors I have met so far have been very kind and helpful to me. Most of them are sort of like good friends.

        I have wonderful friends half way across the globe who I may never have met if not for cancer. I don't like having cancer but when I think what would I have missed in life if not for cancer then may be I don't hate it totally. I have found more friends recently again (Like Marin from breastcancer.org) who have been through this ordeal like me and it amazes me to see how quickly we bond together, even though we have a grand canyon of difference between our cultures and lifestyles.

As a kid I had a dream of visiting Disney World. I am cartoon and comic book lover and wanted to be their world sometime. Always wondered whether that would ever happen... Then there was Rayyan who always wanted to see NYC . I still cannot believe that we realized our dreams last year. The most shocking part was Rizwan willing to give consent to our visit to USA and also providing the tickets first to USA and then to Disney World. How things were set in right place is very amazing. We got to enjoy the fireworks on 4^th of July from the best view possible. Friends who made our Disney World trip totally enjoyable. I know I bitch, groan and moan and also at times squeak and squeal LOL.at life but then realize how much I have and feel grateful to God. I feel angry at my friends when they misunderstand or under estimate me and my values but then I realize no matter what I still love them. Cancer makes it easy to forgive follies..

I have known the joy of being in water and got introduced to swimming. Loved it and miss it now.. Some may find this funny but I have found a great joy in knowing a wonder machine called computer. It was love at first touch for me. I am a woman of questions and computer with internet has most answers though not for those important questions which I have to find answer all by myself. I have lived for thirteen years being NED and enjoyed my life with my children, family, friends and computer. Have loved playing games, tasted new food, dressed in a new ways and become totally non-religious person. I trust and believe in God a lot but realize I am not meant to belong to any religion.

The battle has been won and has remained on  my side until now and the life after cancer has been worth fighting for... so to anyone who is fighting cancer. Kick hard and fight with all your might and will power. Don't give in. I know I will not.....