shaving head?
My hair is due to fall out soon (from the adriamycin, I guess). I'm probably just going to do what I can with scarves or go bald, although I know I'm not going to be an attractive bald woman. So be it.
My SIL, who lost her hair to chemo over 3 years ago, said she never shaved her head -- she just dealt with whatever was left and wore wigs, etc. She says of the women in her group who didn't shave their heads, all their hair grew back faster than the women who did shave their heads.
This sounds anecdotal to me, and probably coincidence -- I can't see any reason why a shaved head would grow back slower -- that's like saying cutting your hair makes it grow slower, and reminds me of the old myth that shaving your legs makes the hair grow in faster and thicker, which was proven false decades ago.
Still, I'm interested in your feedback. I can't imagine not shaving my head but I'm open to other thoughts.
I'm also having a few moments of terror about my hair falling out, which I guess is natural, but I really and truly feel that losing my hair is a minor thing in this whole picture, so I don't understand the moments of panic. I've already gotten it cut short (from below-shoulder length) and that was fine. I know it's going to have an emotional impact on me when the clumps start coming out but I'm not sure why at times the thought makes me clutch up. Normal, I guess?
So if you have any reassurances or support, I'd appreciate that too.
I had about an hour of non-stop crying Saturday night (mentioned in another post) that was an over-reaction to my neighbor's causing me nausea with their garbage burning (they won't stop and they now burn in their fireplace, which isn't against the law, so there's nothing I can do). Anyway, I've been at the edge of tears since, so I guess some of the emotions of the diagnosis (just three weeks ago), first chemo, all the implications, etc., are catching up with me. So maybe the panic over the hair loss is just part of that.
Wow, didn't mean to write all this, but it's kinda good I did -- I can see now that I'm feeling a bit vulnerable and emotional. I Am Strong Like Bull! but not all the time...
Thanks for letting me ramble, and for any response you want to give!
Comments
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Hi NatureGrrl-
It's such a roller coaster of emotions, isn't it? The weirdest things can trigger a meltdown.
Like you, I cut my hair short before starting chemo so there would be less to fall out. For me, seeing myself in short hair was so traumatic I started wearing chemo hats before my hair came out. I've been wearing them ever since (I hate wigs), and refused to have my head shaved because that would mean someone would see my head. I haven't even looked myself, and don't intend to until I have at least 1-2 inches of new hair. I take my hat off before stepping in the shower, put it back on when I step out, and change my hats in the closet where there's no mirror.
It took about 2 weeks of sobbing while throwing fistsfull of hair down the toilet for it all to come out. The few shreds of hair that chemo didn't take would probably make me look like Smeagol from Lord of the Rings, but since I'm not looking, who cares?
What surprised me (and no one from my Onc's office warned me about this) was how much losing my hair would hurt physically. Even if I had wanted to wear a wig, my scalp was so sore for about 3 weeks that it wouldn't have been possible.
I don't know if this helps any, but if nothing else, know that you are not alone. This is a terrible trip to take, and everyone's journey is a little different. You will make the choices that are right for you. Good luck--I'll be thinking of you.
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NatureGrrl,
A week after my diagnosis, I asked my hubby to give me a mohawk. I always wanted one but never had the chance to do it. I didn't shave down the sides, so I kept it a softer look.
I wanted to take a proactive step in what happens to my hair. If it is going to fall out anyway, then why not do something radical to it for the short term.
Your hair will grow back. 20 years ago, I had chemo and radiation for a different type of cancer. I lost a big chunk out of the back of my head. It does grow back and it will grow back.
I clearly remember my high school soccer coach asked me to speak to the school's typing teacher. She was diagnosed with cancer and was afraid to take chemo because she would lose her hair. At the time I was wearing my wig to school and I showed her my bald patch underneath. We spoke at length about what chemo was like and how to balance life during the treatments. My parting words to her was, if it will add years to your life, then the hair loss is minor.
Moments of panic are bound to happen. I am sure you will see a future post from me at some point when my moment occurs. Since I joined, I have received so many words of encouragement.
We are all here to support and be encouraged. I hope this gives you some comfort.
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My husband and son cut my ponytail off and shaved my head to 1/2 inch right after I was diagnosed. 14 days after starting chemo hair started coming out in clumps. My husband came home and we shave as close to the scalp as possible that day. I cried...a lot......especially when I saw my bald reflection in the window. I was left with prickly little hairs that actually made my scalp hurt. I went back and forth on how the get rid of these little hairs...not wanting to use a regular razor and shave cream because I was afraid of cutting myself or an ingrown hair that would lead to infection. One day I had the bright idea to use my sons Remington electric razor! It felt great...my head was as smooth as a babies bottom and head didn't hurt anymore. I got use to being bald real fast. Even though it wasn't an attractive look...it sure was easy
Very pleased to let you know 5 months out from chemo and I have 3+ inches of very curly, thick, soft hair. -
Hi Nature..so sorry you're dealing with this. It's so hard to part with something that's been with us our whole lives. But......it REALLY does come back. When I was first diagnosed and before I started chemo, I had my hair cut and donated to "lock of love". Then, after my 2nd treatment, my hair started coming out by the handfuls. So.....I had my daughter shave the rest. It actually felt better than seeing my hair on my pillow in the mornings, or in the shower or on kitchen counters. I didn't wear wigs either. I had alot of hats and caps. I was just more comfortable that way. I finished chemo a year ago, and have a head FULL of hair. So...there is hope, and just remember it's just temporary. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Be good to yourself:) and do what you're comfortable with. Everybody's different...(((((((((gentle hugs)))))))
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I shaved my head 17 days after my first infusion of adriamycin. I couldn't wait! My hair had started clumping out that day - I had previously cut it short. The problem was my scalp was so tender and hurting so bad while my hair was trying to fall out. I had just recently bought a pair of dog clippers and since they had never been used I took them to a friend's house - had a valium and a couple of glasses of wine and proceeded to have her shave my head.
Within 30 minutes my scalp quit hurting. Prior to those 30 minutes she touched my scalf as to rub my bald head and I about went through the roof because it hurt so bad.
I am still undergoing chemo but I started having a little bit of regrowth after I finished A/C - I am now on Taxol and will get my 2nd infusion of that on Wed.
I still have my eyelashes and eyebrows and some hair down south along with hair on my arms.
What was nice was yesterday it was so very cold that I got goosebumps and I could feel my legs and there was some regrowth there as I had stubbies that were very prickly. The typical stubbies you would feel 3 days after shaving your legs.
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Hey Nature.....so sorry that you are at this stage......I think this was the hardest part of this whole journey for me......I cut a 14 inch pony off 2 days before starting chemo and had my hair clipped to a number 2 on day 14 after seeing a few fallen hairs........it was so uncomfortable that 3 days later I had my husband shave it with a razor........it was like instant relief........I had my last Taxol treatment on Oct 1st and stopped wearing my wig just after christmas.........I just put an updated pic on the Hair....hair....hair thread so you can see........it does come back.........you'll get through it.......and do what makes you comfortable.......don't worry about anyone else....
Cheers and Hugs
Jax
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Thanks so much, everyone, I'm overwhelmed at all the replies. I appreciate your openness and honesty and willingness to share your own experiences, and especially your hope. I know my hair will grow back; I'm not worried about that. I think the loss is just one of those things I want to get over with (like my first chemo) so I can get on the other side of it, adjust, and move forward. I don't want to wait for it all to fall out -- at the first sign of clumps I'm getting it shaved! I think I can handle that a lot better than fishing it out of the shower drain, etc.
I like the idea of the glasses of wine and having a friend shave it off, jancie -- especially after the glasses of wine
Unfortunately, the friends I would have do that for me don't live here, but the woman who cuts my hair will do it (just without the wine... maybe I'll save that for after).Anyway, thank you again so much! Very warm hugs to all of you...
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For me losing my hair was really difficult. I never thought of myself as pretty, but I always received compliments about my hair. Before chemo I had it cut in a sort of page-boy thing so that it wouldnt be so messy when it started to go. About 2 weeks after my first chemo whenever I brushed my hair it filled up really fast...I was so angry that one day I just started pulling it out, tears streaming down my cheeks, till it was all gone! It didnt hurt, not even a little a bit, which only served to fuel my rage about the whole situation. It was over before I knew it (maybe five minutes?).
This may sound childish but I felt oddly victorious--sort of like I had beaten the chemo at its own game. And it was a relief not to see it falling out anymore. Many of you have commented that your scalp hurt but that wasnt my case.
Afterward, I decided against hats and wigs. Instead I wore turbans. I had fun choosing the colors and patterns and learning how to wrap them well. It felt more like a fashion statement than a cover-up. My hair started to come back right after I finished the last chemo, and six months later I couldnt wear the turbans anymore-- I had too much hair and they slipped around too much. I was happy to have hair again but I did miss the exotic flair of wearing a turban!
Lisa
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Hi NaturalGirl,
Wanted to share with you. I ended up shaving my head after my second tx. My hair was down past the middle of my back and after the first treatment I had it cut into a short pixie style. I was told that the weight would make it fall out faster. No sense it helping it along.
I also donated my hair, tho not to locks of love ... a different one. I would sit on my sofa, watching TV and playing with my hair, like pitanga (Lisa) and each time I put my fingers through my hair, between them would be filled with hair. I started doing it over and over and would end up with a pile on my end table and sit there crying.
After my second treatment was done, about a week later, I'm in the shower and my hair is falling all over me in huge clumps. Yes it was emotional!! I'm in the shower, crying, yelling, "get off me!" as I grabbed the hair and threw it to the bottom of the tub, turning around and around trying to rinse it all off.I grabbed my back scrubber and scrubbed my head, trying to make sure all of it was off that was not attached ... my water pressure is not that great.
When I stepped out, my body was still covered with hair and had to step back in to rinse the remaining hair off me. The next day I had my son buzz my head with his electric razer. I wanted him to shave it because it did hurt. The hair hurts when it falls off. He couldn't do it. Was hard for him to buzz it. When I slept that night, the little short hairs actually hurt more than when it was an inch long so the next morning I climbed back in the shower, lathered up my scalp and used my razor and clean shaved my head. What a relief!!!
I just had my 4th triple dose taxol tx yesterday and it's a little fuzzy on my head now. I had auburn hair before ... I am now silver
with little areas of dark. WTHeck!? I start AC in 3 week for 4 cycles. I have a wig but hate to wear it. Really uncomfortable, don't like the way it looks, always adjusting it. I have made a few hats, wear scarves and around the house, it my head is comfy will go bald.Cheryl
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Hi NatureGrrl
For me the hair thing wasn't so bad. My 18 year old daughter has alopecia and is bald. I wore my hair short prior to bc, so I had no problem shaving it. And as far as it taking longer to grow back...no way! As I had to shave my head every 3-4 days. I continued to shave it for about a month and a half after chemo ended, even though it was growing back quicker. I also never wore a wig...as I knew from my daughter's experience that they were no fun to wear...even the "good" ones!
All through chemo I taught my fitness classes bald. I had more compliments. I'm not sure how long I will let it grow...I plan on keeping it even shorter than before......I love not having to mess with it! Although winter was cold!
You really just have to do what feels best to you and forget what ANYBODY else thinks! You are in control!
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I always had long hair and I perform as a bellydancer, so watching my hair fall out was horrible. I shaved it after my 2nd tx, and am glad I did. I hate my wig so I wear scarves and get great feedback. As for the shaving, I had my identical twin brothers with me who told jokes the whole time so itmade the experience hilarious. If you do shave, try to make it fun somehow. Good luck and do what's best for you
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It made no sense to me ,but having my hair actually fall out ..sent me over the edge..so I actually bought my wig and went to the salon and he privately shaved my head and styled my wig. That was so much better than having it go in clumps and awake every morning with hair on my pillow !
I actually used hats and scarves much more than my wig...but you go with what works for you..the experience was much better than I had expected...and I had more compliments on my hair ..while super short than I ever did when it was longer..who knew ? !
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Thank you all, again... I'm getting so much strength and courage just reading your posts. Amazing, each and every one of you.
I woke up last night with a sore spot on my head and sure enough, this morning, out it's coming. After a bout of tears (intellectually, I'm fine with this! so the tears were a little bit of a surprise) and a little bit of thinking, I decided I want to get this over with, so at noon I'm getting it shaved.
I ain't gonna be a perty bald woman so I'm not sure I'll be able to flaunt it (although I really want to be that woman!). I think scarves will be the order of the day. I'm going to try one wig, just to have in case I feel I need it, but I'm thinking I'm going to hate having it on my head. I can't stand to wear hats in winter so scarves are going to be a huge concession but at least I can be a fashion diva that way (ha!) (you have to know me to know how much a fashion diva I'm not!).
A huge hug to all of you -- you really help.
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i loved being bald. i never wore a wig; while in my home i was bald....i live in the desert of california and i tanned my bald head when i went to the pool. when i went out most of the time i wore a scarf and straw hats. i too had a mane of hair before my cancer diagnosis; but when my hair started to come in i liked it short and sassy. it does hurt when the hair begins to fall out; someone told me that the chemo irritates the hair follicals and that is what makes it a little painful and makes the hair fall out. it is easy to wash your head in the shower too. lol once my hair started to fall out i went to SuperCUts and had them shave it all off. that is when i totally cried...i realized then i was really a cancer warrior. the tears will come and go...it is part of the WHOLE experience of being diagnosed with breast cancer. it is ok to let those tears flow when they are coming. this is a really life changing event. all of it. BUT, you will be ok and get through it.
your hair Will grow back and when it does it may be the BEST hair you have ever had. mine came in curly .
this initial part of treatment is hard...and a totally NEW experience. hang in there.
gentle hugs....one day at a time.
diana50
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A coworker cut her hair before starting chemo and had a wig made from her own hair! I had never heard of that before, and I never got a chance to ask her the logistics (she has moved on to another job). I did see her wig, and of course, she looked just like her usual self. Pretty creative! But I'm thinking it must be quite expensive. Do any of you have any info on this?
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I Got tired of the clumps and wisps all over everything, so I was actually a bit relieved to shave it!
I set up a "Sinead O'Connor" party with friends at my stylist's salon--organized it as soon as I knew I was having chemo--and we had wine and cheese and he shaved my head. He was great--we tried several different styles each one a little shorter (I really liked one, a sort of marcelled bob, which I may try for, now that my hair is growing back), shaving my initials in, giving me a mohawk, etc., until it was all gone.
Then a group of us went out for dinner.
It really helped to make it a good time, and to have the support of friends through it.
As you say, in the bigger scheme of things, it's not that bad, the hair grows back, etc., but it's still difficult to get through while you are going through it.
Hugs
Martha
PS My avatar pic was taken at the Sinead O'Connor party.
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My doc told me at my appointment today that my hair will fall out in five more days! Yikes - here we go. Reading these posts has helped so much, Thanks to everyone who took the time to write.
I will buzz it short when it starts to fall out and then shave when it is really going. the worst part seems to be when it comes out in your hands.Thanks again.
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AmylsStrong, I agree, I didn't want it coming out in my hands, on my pillow, in the shower drain...
so I'm shorn and OK with it. A few tears when I first sat down, but I was given a choice of where to have my head shaved (including in complete privacy) -- I opted for in the open -- and the woman who did it was wonderful. She talked and laughed when I wanted to laugh and was kind and gentle and spent over 40 minutes making sure she got it as short as she could (what I wanted). They didn't charge me, either, I'm sure a common practice, but much appreciated anyway.
My oncologist told me my hair would fall out at three weeks -- it fell out at two -- but I talked to someone else getting the same treatment, same dr., and her hair fell out after her third treatment (9 weeks). So go figure, although I'm sure they base what they say on the most common experiences.
Tabbygirl, I've never heard of a wig of your own hair, but it does sound nice (but expensive!). I heard that it takes hair from 5-6 people to make one wig so I'm wondering how they did hers with just hair from one... I wanted to donate my hair but I couldn't find a place that took hair with as much gray as mine so I still have the ponytail, and I have to admit, although I had a nice head of hair, that ponytail looks pretty skimpy now. If you find any info on this I'm sure others would be interested.
diana50, you touched on a lot of things that are meaningful to me -- thank you for sharing. I will be ok!!
I love the "Sinead O'Connor" party!! What a great way to find joy!! I missed not having some of my friends with me today but it was still ok -- and they were with me in spirit. As one said, they can shave my head, but she noted that "your true beauty is the essence of you... your sweetness, creativity, sense of humor, deep trust in life and warm heart. Those, no one can shave away." Those words go for everyone.
Thank you all again, so much, I wish I could hug each and every one of you.
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NatureGirl, all your emotions are absolutely normal. I went through them all the week my hair started to fall out. I think that having no hair is easier than the process of watching it fall out. For me, I was planning on having my teenage kids shave my head on a Saturday. Well, my hair started coming out on Monday and I couldn't stand it. I pushed the "party" up to Wednasday night. Each of my guys (15, 18. 20) and my husband took turns shaving my head. But not until we took lots of pictures. Even one of me with a mohawk! I made a dreaded situation into something fun. I felt so much better after it was shaved! It was a releif not to watch it come out on it's own.
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Hi NatureGrrl - My father lost all his hair during his treatments, and my hair also thinned significantly when I went through my own treatments. It can be personally very difficult, and I've often found it hard to find good advice on wigs and hair loss during cancer treatments. I started a blog, Cinco Vidas, as a resource for cancer patients, and recently did two posts - one on wigs (http://blog.cincovidas.com/omg-so-much-to-think-about-when-choosing-a-wig) and one on hair loss/hair care (http://blog.cincovidas.com/not-my-hair-i-love-my-long-shiny-lockshow-do-i-care-for-them-during-treatment). I also love this New York Times post by Dana Jennings when he decided to shave his head (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/26/fashion/26skin.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=dana%20jennings%20hair&st=cse). Hope this helps. Love, strength and survival, Britta
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xpectmiracles, I took your cue today and had my ds buzz my head after we walked her dog. Mr. Haney (a girl but lost an eye as a puppy, was abandoned at the vets and my ds rescued her) knew it was still me and that was the only seal of approval I needed. I love that dog! I just could not stand the anticipation of my hair falling out. When it does, I'll shave it. I did have to put my little hat on to keep my head warm though.
Best wishes to all,
Nancy
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I was another head shaver. When it started falling out everytime I touched it and it came out in my hands, my head would spin. It messes with your head bad enough! So, my DH took pics as he created funny designs to first make it short and then shave it baby smooth. No, I'll never show those pics!
I wore a wig to work and went wigless and hatless around the house and yard. I have one funny story about someone coming to the house and I answered the door bald. He turned his back to me like I was naked or something. I grabbed a basebal cap so I wouldn't make him so uncomfortable and he turned around.
Once my hair started growing back, I got the baby downy hair (Lanugo) that is so soft. But, I didn't feel that was real hair and shaved my head smooth two more times in hope that it would grow in thicker. It's totally a myth of course, but it would be the only time I would be bald (I hope).
My hair did grow in unbelievebly thick as do many whether they shave their heads or not.
It also grew extremely fast. Here are some pics I posted on the other topics to get a time-line of how fast it grew. Whether your hair grows back fast or slow, it DOES grow back! As of today, it is exactly as it was before chemo - thin and fine!
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Sphynx, thank you for posting your photos -- you have lovely hair and a beautiful face! Nice to see the progression of growth, too. Interestingly, my SIL told me that her hair grew in faster and thicker because she DIDn't shave her head... shows how those myths get changed around. I guess baldness in women would make some people uncomfortable, but my community is in trouble if that's the case -- I hope I get the gumption to go bald at least some places publicly this summer -- I know having something on my head is going to be too hot to do all the time. (Just hope I don't forget sunblock!)
Nancy, I was afraid my cat would freak out over my bald head, but she came running up to me and got on my lap. Gotta love those pets!!!
And Britta, thanks for the links... I really liked the article by Dana -- I may have to print that out. His male perspective is a bit different from mine, but there was more I could relate to than not, surprisingly. Great inspiration!
Thanks, all!
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Sphynx,
I'm sorry to hear that your hair is now thin and fine... that is how MINE was before I lost it to chemo, two years ago! It came in thicker, and I was hoping it might stay that way. Darn! I guess not...
Naturegrl,AWW... yes, my cats were such a comfort when I got chemo.. they slept with me just about every night! They can sense when we are upset and they help comfort us.
I had my head shaved when it started falling out, but I think the hair dresser left a little bit. It fell out, but I had a receding hairline happening, and the very next day, it filled in with soft, white down!! Everyone says that my hair grew back quickly! It came in thicker, and now I can even put it in a ponytail!!
Hope all goes well for you!
Hugs
Harley
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I started by clipping my bobbed hair into a pixie cut -- just for fun and the ease myself into it. Then I had my boyfriend take the clippers to my head. It was such a meaningful moment, not romantic, but bonding. I can't find the correct word. But he gave me a crazy buzz cut -- we laughed ourselves silly. I eventually clipped the rest off.
I thought I would look horrid bald and was surprised that I looked kinda cute. I still wore a wig since I was self-conscious. I got a wig that matched my hair. And also got a hot pink one and a red one with devil horns. My way of taking lemons and making lemonade.
When it grows back, wow, so soft, so thick! Mine grew sloooow (especially the sides), but it eventually picked up. It's a real treat having gorgeous hair grow in after having to go through everything else.
I'm on taxol etc again and my hair has thinned a lot on top and have 2 bald spots on the side. So I'm back in the wig since I look like I have mange! Last night I took the scissors to my head again -- trimmed to an inch long so the wig won't be so hot this summer. I did a really crappy job -- looks like hell, but I'll deal with it...
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13 years ago I shaved my head. Ran out of razors, lived in the country, so walked around with a Hare Krishna knot on the top of my head for a few days. Got my wigs from Fredericks of Hollywood, they were inexpensive and pretty good quality. Discovered a whole new concept of 'mooning' I'd 'flip my lid'. Dropped more than a couple of big tough men to their knees...lol
I'd rather laugh than cry. Yes, losing hair is traumatic even if you know it will grow back. I think there are a couple of factors involved - control when you have none over your body and transferring of trauma. Easier to freak out over one's hair than try to wrap your head around having cancer when everything is coming at you so fast. Just MHO.
I may be doing the BC Mambo for the third time, playing the waiting game right now. That's okay, I got my big girl panties on and I'll rawk the bald if I have to.
Always remember, for many of us this is just a temporary inconvenience. Treat it as such and it's a lot easier to deal with.
All the best, Blu
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Blu,
You are SO right... it IS good to keep perspective, to remember 'this is just temporary'. But, it STILL was the most traumatic part of the whole tx for me...
Hugs
Harley
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{{{Harley}}} I hear you.... and I sure don't want to minimize the distress it causes. I cried my share (plus more..lol) of tears too.
Big Hugs to a bunch of Amazing Women!
Blu
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Konacat, love your "lemonade" wigs! What a riot!
I can only ditto what Blu said... y'all are amazing!!
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I am all for shaving the head. I shaved it after my first treatment. My daughter was going to be going out of town and was worried about coming home to find me with no hair. We decided to shave it down as a family. My son also shaved his for support. I choose not to wear a wig. I work in downtown chicago and have gotten nothing but positive comments from people. I was just thinking the other day as I was speaking with a lady at the store, how if I was in a wig, I would not have the opportunity to have met so many nice people who have noticed my head. Plus, I hate having things on my head. I ususally just go bald or have a light scarf on.....
My son made a video of our haircut experience. We took something scary and turned it into something that really bonded us and made me feel good about the whole thing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tn0YTMMc9VkCategories
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