Lets get to know each other :)

Hi Beasty--although i'm sotty we had to meet here, I;m glad you found us!

I'm struggling with the same issue of "when to tell?" I'm just out of a relationship, and not really ready for another one yet, but I still am wondering about that. My friends and the women's community in general here know about my bc dx (I got a lot of support from them during chemo treatment), but that doesn't mean anyone I meet here will know. The biggest question is, yes, when do I tell someone new? Obviously well before we get to the bedroom!

I'm thinking it will depend on circumstances--a conversation may come up around health or challenges we've faced, or even previous relationships, any of which would give me an opening to mention it. 

And I have to say that if my having a bc dx scares someone off, then I'm better off without them. This is going to be something i will deal with the rest of my life, so anyone I'm with is going to have to deal with it too. It's hard, but I'm trying to look at it like any other part of me--my profession, my body shape, my eye colour, even--this is how I am, this is my reality and if you can accept it, then we can move on and see where this takes us. And I know that someone might  think they can accept it but later find it's too much for them to handle, or they get scared. In some ways, a bc dx might be harder for our female partners to deal with, because it hits close to home--men can be sympathetic, but statistically, it's not very likely to happen to them. 

I give a lot of credot to someone who is showing some interest in me right now--I don't have much hair yet, still going through radiation, etc.--and yet she sees beyond that. As I said, I'm not ready fr a relationship yet, so it's about friendship, but the potential is there for something more, and she's comfortable with all the bc stuff. 

It's a tough road in any case, and hugs to you!

Wish I could offer advice re: the son. I was very lucky in that mine was totally OK with me when I came out. He was much more upset when his father and I divorced!

Martha

I'm sorry that you're dealing with mets. That's especially scary because you had no node involvement.

That's great that you met someone.  If I was the woman you just wanted seeing, I would want to know. If I was in your shoes, I would want to tell her. I say this because I think she deserves the opportunity to make a choice whether she wants to be involved with someone who's got mets. Not everyone is emotionally equipped to start a relationship with someone who's sick and potentially has a shorter life expectancy. I would want to know if my cancer was too much for someone, not wanting to have the stress of finding that out when we're even more involved. I also think open communication is the whole foundation of a relationship, because even the best relationships involve some work. I would also appreciate the woman's honesty if she said she didn't want to be involved seriously with someone who has mets, even though it might hurt at the time she said that. I wouldn't hold that against her, because knowing one's limitations and communicating them is healthy.  If I was the woman and you told me after a few months (or longer) and we were already falling in love, I would resent that you hadn't told me such an important thing. 

I'm not saying when you meet someone saying,"Hi, I'm Mary, I have metastatic breast cancer."  If you're getting to know each other, cancer, unfortunately, is a big part of what you have on your plate, right now.  Any woman who would have an issue with your scars isn't worth it, in my book. The scars are so superficial compared to what caused the scars.

In some ways, cancer was very freeing for me. When I was dx that helped me stopped caring what other people thought about my sexual orientation. Worrying about what others think is energy I just don;t want to expend.

I think your son will come around. Most 18 yo sons don't want to think about their moms as sexual entitiesm and coming out would be a shock to most of them. Keep the dialogue open and allow him to express his feelings in a respectful way whether they be anger, confusion, betrayal etc. You've had a longer time to come to terms with your orientation and he hasn't had that gradual acceptance.

Hi to everyone and welcome Beasty!!

Dee--Sorry to hear about your lymphedema.....I've read it can be quite painful, and now just one more thing to deal with.....somebody above is really testing your strength!!!

Amy--How did the tatt go?  Are you pleased with it?

Since I've last written, I had a portacath put in two days ago and my 2nd chemo treatment yesterday.  Funny the drugs from the portacath procedure made me quite sick, but no sickness from either of my chemo treatments....go figure??  Last weekend I shaved off my hair entirely....even the half inch haircut I got the week prior was falling everywhere, so it was time.  Other than that, looking forward to the nice weather we're about to get.  Patio furniture is all out but have only been able to admire it from the window lately!!

Smiles and hugs being sent to everyone.....

Sandy Beach

beach, my tattoo is great! I posted a picture on another thread. I've been wanting to get this ever since before Obama's election.... I shaved my head too, I wanted to take charge of losing my hair and not have cancer take it.

dee- sorry to hear about your lymphodmia .

Hi Lovegolf

I think that hearing the word Cancer is a shock for anyone...I guess its how you deal with it that counts...you either accept your fate and wait for the end or like 99.9 percent of the woman on this sight you fight like hell and even win.

I know that things must be upside down and round about for you and your partner at the moment.  The only thing I can think to tell you is that there are alot of woman here who have good advice and who have or are going through what you might face in the future....ask questions you will get answers.

There are different threads here, even ones for reconstruction I think. 

I sorry that you have had to meet the amazing woman on this thread and site because you now have what we have....but I guess in a sad way...welcome.

Sending you positive thoughts and wishing you well, what ever your decision is .....big hugs

Welcome Lovegolf.......

My partner was a golf pro a few years prior to meeting me.....unfortunately, I am not very good, and truthfully, I have more fun driving the golf cart than playing the actual game :-)) .  Sorry that you have had to join us, but Beasty and Dee said it all......there is a lot of good info on the boards and so many supportive women that will help to empower you!!  Sounds like you have a great support system around you too which makes all of the difference.  Best wishes are being sent your way!!

Amy--Saw your tatt on the other thread.....very cool!!!!!!  Not sure if you knew this or not, but Obama had huge support up here in Canada.....he is loved way more than our own Prime Minister (Bush supporter), and Obama drew a larger crowd up here on his first international visit than our Prime Minister has ever done!  Glad to say good-bye to George W. Bush.....he was not liked up here by the majority!!!!

Dee--How are you fairing with the lymphedemia?

Martha--How have you been lately? 

Everybody take care and smile coz the warm weather is finally here  !!!  All the Best!

Amy--You're absolutely right......I was in Southern and Eastern Africa this past fall and everybody we met there was in tune with the US election trail and absolutely in love with Obama!!  Funny the Canadian election was going on at the same time......nobody knew/nobody cared and I couldn't find any info on the election or the actual outcome while I was there!!

Hi all--

I'm hanging in there. My skin is pretty broken down under my breast and on my sholder/back. The worst is on my back because I can't reach it to put the cream on, and while the techs are willing to do that for me, that's only once a day. I think I'm going to dig out my tank tops for around the house--it's warm enough now and that will give my skin more air.

My compression sleeve has come in--I'll get it next week. 

The woman I've been meeting for coffee--well, it's in that nebulous zone. We meet up at the women's events and hang together, she flirts with me in emails, but then when we actually are in the same room, it's friendly... Who knows. Friendship really is fine with me for now--I realised today I'm not completely healed from my last relationship.

We have our team together for the Relay for Life. I'm looking forward to that more than I thought I would. 

I wish I knew more about DCIS, Lovegolf. I'm your gal for trinegs, but that's not your dx... 

The wearher is beautiful here in Windsor--think I'll fire up the grill tomorrow night--BBQ chicken, here I come!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

NoH8

yeah that's really my thought too at this point. I have come realize that the most important thing to me is not looking like I did before cancer, but being able to do all the things I love to do; swimming, golf, playing with "the kids" without restrictions.  I also do not want the every 6 months go for mammogram and worry that it is back.  Had MRI yesterday so i should know more this week.  Am going out of town for work Mon and Tues so will see surgeon Wed. 

Touch

So sorry to hear the social thing is not working out. Hang in there. From your post here I can not imagine why anyone would not be honored to share time and love with you.

Beach

Maybe when I get to the other side your partner can improve my game off the tee.

Thanks again to all.

Yeah my surgeon called me today to talk.  After MRI and 3 of 4 margins still not clear I am sure of my decision.  Am having bilateral Mast this Friday with no reconstruction.  I am not my breast. I will not live with fear. I am stronger than I ever knew and will be so much stronger on the otherside.  If there is a problem I can "fix" then fix it and not worry about it..if I can not "fix" it then do not worry ;it will not change it.  I told all my friends if getting in a room and really worrying for hours would chnge this then great let's do it.  Of course, it will not change a thing so instead of worrying i ask them to love me, support me and to bring peppermint ice cream after surgery.

OK, now I'm craving peppermint ice cream! lol

Yes, I think the drains were the worst. But for me, that was only a week or two--hard while it lasted, but it did end!

I am done with rads on Friday!! And then what... Follow-ups, really is all, being a tri-neg. I'm dealing with some skin breakdown and swelling, and some fatigue, but otherwise I'm getting through rads OK.

In the irritation department...our city workers are on strike (well the "outside workers" are--parks and rec, maintenance, garbage workers, etc--and the others aren't crossing the picket lines, of course). The trash is piling up... And in this case, I think they are asking for too much--the city is struggling financially, a lot of people are out of work (lots of auto folks here)--and the union is complaining that their wages are frozen. At least they have wages...

Rainy here but we had a beautiful weekend--hope everyone is having some good spring weather!

That's a GREAT story LoveGolf................ thanks for the chuckle!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi everyone,

Had to get caught up on all the posts since I've been here last......went down hill on day 3 after my 2nd FEC treatment last Tues and on top of the SE's, I was one of the lucky ones to get oral thrush....only started feeling better yesterday.  Had a little breakdown through all this--just wanted it all to be over and I've barely started ......that light at the end of the tunnel seemed real dim!!!  Sorry, I know how lucky I am to have a supportive partner, family and friends, but I'm a control freak feeling like I have no control and it's so hard to have to ask for help all the time!!!  Okay enough of this......pity party is officially over!!!

LoveGolf--My partner would love to help you with your golf game....heck at this point, a driving range looks great to her....she can't remember her last golf game!!!  Good luck to you this Friday......warm, gentle hugs!!

Torch--Congrats on finishing your rads this coming Friday.....must feel great to have this part almost behind you!  In the social department, I agree with Amy.....many relationships blossom from friendships, and you sound like you have an amazing network of women around you.  Be patient as the right person will appear without you looking for them......it happened to me.  My partner was in my social circle for over two years, and then one day the light bulb went on for both of us during a roller blade at the beach......we've been together 11yrs this coming May.  As far as the garbage strike goes, I feel your frustration, especially in this economy right now!!!!  We had one in Toronto a few years ago in the middle of July......the rats and racoons were quite happy!!  At one point, in the height of my frustration, I called my council rep's office and suggested that I put my garbage on City Hall's front lawn being a tax payer and all......"that's not a good idea ma'am" was the response I got .  All the best to you and visit us newbies often!!

Amy--Hope you're keeping well!!!

Dee--How are you getting through the lymphedemia?

Beasty--How have you been?

Must go outside and enjoy the sunshine now.......smiles and gentle hugs to everyone!!!

hey all

i am 7years out from my diagnosis of stage IIIc.  i am wanting to encourage women to hang in there when the going gets rough.  i spend a lot of time trying to encourage women who are newly diagnosed; going through chemo, rads..the whole bit.  there are so many issues with partners...health...long term effects...the good news is that one day at a time makes a total difference in how you do cancer.  it is so hard going through all of this; a SHOCKER for sure. 

living in the desert where we hit 120+  temps in the summer; i have to say that the heat certainly seems to impact the symptoms from chemo and rads.  just want to encourage everyone that there is life after cancer.....if i can help....that is really important to understand.  i don't really focus on whether or not my cancer may return....i figure if it does...i will deal with it then.  THEN is a powerful way of looking at it.

hang in...warriors.

diana50