How do I handle obnoxious visitors?

How about a sign on the door and a note to family and friends that reads like this :

Mom is doing well, but is unable to see or visit at this time. It wears her out too much and she wishes to conserve her energy. Cards and prayers are always welcome.

Edited to add, A carepages or carringbridge account for updates is wonderful. Keeps the nosey people out.

Just a thought, would the Hospice nurse be willing to post the sign on the door? Wording similiar to what Fitz said, but on Hospice letterhead? Something along the lines of "Mrs. _____ has requested no visitors at this time." Then something about conserving energy and keeping away Germs! If Hospice does it, it will take the blame away from you. You are doing a wonderful job and don't need the added stress of rude people.

I realized tonight that it is easier to handle unwanted visitors at home, just ignore the phone.  Well, it's a different story now that mom is in the hospital.  This afternoon my sister (with new born baby...so cute), my half-sister and I were sitting with mom.  The three of us were quietly talking, and mom was half listening, half dozing in her bed.  It was nice.  Until, my half-sister's husband came barging into the room, and to make it worse, he brought his golfing buddy with him, whom nobody has ever met before!!  I was so shocked, I just could not get over the fact that anybody would venture into the hospital room of a stranger and sit himself down like that.  The nerve of both of them just made my blood boil, but crap, did I say anything, NO!  I just sat there flabbergasted, and was hoping they would realize how uncomfortable the situation was and just leave.  Finally, after an agonizing minute, mom told the husband and the stranger that she did not need anymore visitors, and that they could wait outside.  Can you believe they just said, "Oh, we just wanted to stop by and say hi", and they never got up to leave, until my half-sister jumped up and said, lets go get a coffee.  I never knew people could be so....dumb, for lack of a better word.

I felt horrible, and later this evening when mom and I were alone, I apologized to her.  I told her that I just could not find the strength to say anything.  I promised her that next time something happens like that I will take a stand for my mother. 

I am thinking now, that this is just the start of long lost family members, and second and third cousins coming to visit mom just because she is in the hospital.  It just may get ridiculous, we have a big family.  I am going to talk to the nurses tomorrow about it and I'm sure we can work out something out.  God give me strength.  Good night and God Bless.

My grandparents were in an auto accident that took my grandfather's life.  My grandmother's sister was furious when we put her and her obnoxious daughter up at  a nearby hotel and when the house was full of people for the funeral I went into her room and locked the door.  My poor grandmother had just been in a serious accident and had just lost her husband.  If your Mother's guests can be obnoxious I say you can be oboxious right back.  The only important thing now is your Mom.  BTW, she sounds like such an awesome woman.  God bless.

I was my father's caregiver and I did not care what others thought.  It was my job to keep him comfortable.  My half brother wanted to bring his MIL over for a visit on the night he passed away.  I told him no and that I was putting Dad to bed.  It was too late (8-9pm) for a person with cancer to be expected to stay up for visitors. Dad did not really care for this woman any way.  My brother still is mad after 5 years but I do not care - my dad needed his rest and did not need to be taxed into having conversations or stay up.  Stand your ground - your job is to protect your mother.  (((HUGS)))

I can honestly say I have not missed my step-brother.  I like sane people to surround me...those with common sense and not self-centered.   I am such a strong advocate for the underdog, the abused, the sick and the elderly.  Just let me know if you need me to take care of someone for you! (smile)

I am bumping this thread with a similar complaint & question for my stage IV sisters:

Does anyone else seem to find that stage IV holds some sort of celebrity status????? I have seen it on the boards-women who are NED but gravitate to the metsters.

I have also seen it locally & have talked to other met-sisters & brothers who say it happened to them, too------does anyone else know what I am talking about?? I just am SO confounded by what seems to be a very odd phenomenon! Help me out here if you know what I'm talking about!

Hugs--be well & stay strong 

obsessed??? some odd form of Muenchausen's??

I'm talking NED ppl who post almost exclusively on stage IV, palliative & mets sites, Someone brought it to my attention again today that isn't part of this world...........she noticed I have an acquaintance at church who ALWAYS asks how I am & when I say, "Fine" she sidles up to me & grabs my arm & whispers, "Now tell ME the truth!".......Like where was she when I was laid out????? That's the kind of odd thing I am asking about. not just idle curiosity & helpfulness...but a sort of obsession.......ya know?

I know some ppl will get PO'd by this & I am NOT accusing anyone...If the shoe fits take a good look at you & don't shoot the messenger. 

Anyway--wondering if anyone else is getting annoyed by this sort of person or  if it is a rare occurance.

Be well & stay strong 

Oh...... THAT kind of visitor. I've been really lucky and not had a problem w/that, although I have kind of dropped out of a lot of things because I didn't want to deal with that sort of thing.

Anne, I don't think you come anywhere close -from what I recall, your posts are helpful and constructive. Plus, you are stage1V, so have every need/right to be sharing your fears and participating. It's great that you're responding to treatment-you know how much pleasure this gives us all, and also gives us an added boost. How great it is to hear of one of our sisters coping well and thriving-keep it up! Good news is always welcome. I'm not sure if you were around when we had a bit of an issue with some posts a while back-when non metsters were regulary asking about symptoms and monitoring, and there was one quite heated thread, which lead to the creation of the "not diagnosed but worried" board. I'm sure you're the same-you wouldn't wish metastaic disease on anyone-but at the same time, it's galling to be told, "thank goodness I'm not you". I think the big, big difference, is that although you're new, your needs  are the same as the rest of us, your opinions are as valid as anyone else's. I think what Saint and I find hard, is when people take it upon themselves with little or no knowledge nor experience of cancer, to feel they can advise us as to how we should feel/behave. Like any illness, I think you can really only do this through personal experience, and when "well meaning" people approach us, and tell us how wonderful we are, or how tragic we are, then it can be hard to handle. Somehow, if similair sentiments were expressed by fellow sufferers, the impact can be completely different.

OH heck yes. My carepages, it has turned into entertainment for some folks. I wanted it as a vehicle for communication to family and friends. Too many people have access. It is almost like they are waiting for the "Other shoe to drop".

I keep a lot to myself now. I come here and talk to a few friends (who still poo poo me). I think that is why I wanted to post on Voicesof Survivors.

If anyone pulls that BS "How are you really" I say I am REALLy fine. Now go away.