Mom in hospital tonight.

Hello Beautifuls,

My mother was admitted to the hospital this past Tuesday after her doctor made the necessary arrangements. We were both relieved, because mom is feeling so horrible. She has a nice private room, but I was a little taken aback when we entered the palliative care suite, not what I was expecting at all. I realized then that I am the one who is in denial, not my mother. This week was hard, but it does bring some joy. My sister had her baby yesterday! She gave birth to a healthy baby boy, 9lbs 2oz!

My mother is getting comfortable in the hospital, and she had a really good weekend. The birth of her 11th Grandchild, a visit with family (Her sister, my Aunty, spent the weekend with us) brought smiles and laughter to my mother, and I am so grateful for that. When I talk to my husband on the phone, he tells me that I sound like I am still hoping that she will be coming home, and that I have to prepare myself that my mom may not be coming home. Hard to admit. I am still very confused and possibly in denial, only because she is the same physically as she was at home. When my Aunt was talking to their other sister on the phone today, it sounded grim, and it took every ounce of strength I had to stay "strong".

The social worker is brilliant, she gave me a book, and I only had to read the first few pages to realize that I have not failed my mother, and that she is getting the care that she needs, and that every emotion that I am feeling is perfectly normal.

You are forever in my thoughts and a prayers.