How to go back to same old, same old?

seashell...Having been on these boards for several years now...and having had my own rather significant transformation resulting from bc and treatment, I can say that a vast majority of us seem to go through certain stages after treatment finally ends. Though our journeys are as individual as we, ourselves, are, they do seem to have some commonalities. Immediately following the end of treatment, many of us experience a sort of post-traumatis stress reaction, characterized by everything ranging from panic at being "left flapping in the wind" and terrified of recurrence, to depression and feelings of powerlessness, to a need to exercise our personal power and have some sort of giant impact of the world. For me, I felt, at first, very alien among others, full of new self-knowledge and a rising desire to make my life more meaningful, while among people who seemed, to me, content with the status quo and what I saw as inane, rote activity. I was truly antsy and wanted to really "break out." Unfortunately, I couldn't find much direction for this new energy and, so, "settled for" getting to know myself better and trying to identify, really, what I wanted my life to be about. Somehow, the experience of having your life threatened, as we've had, prompts us to the realization that this is, indeed, NOT a dress rehearsal and if we have just this one go-around, we'd better make it a good one! Anyway, for, me, it's 3 1/2 years later and I can see that through persistent efforts to become more authentic and make my life fuller and more meaningful, I have succeeded in achieving a satisfying, sometimes exciting, generous life and have even begun to learn what true, deep human love is all about. I'd still like to ditch my job and establish a wellness center in the mountains, volunteer with rescued animals, donate more money to several charities that I care about, and travel to every place in the world that holds fascination for me. And maybe I will do some or all of those things. But for now, I'm content. And having been one of the most disgruntled persons you can imagine, pre-bc, I'd say that that's a freakin' miracle!

I guess what I'm saying to you, seashell, is that the way you're feeling is super-healthy and very exciting. Don't let up on your desires. Maybe your husband never will join you on any of your new adventures, but that doesn't mean you won't have them. Maybe you can even start planning one right now. But also be gentle with yourself and, as they say, remember to "stop and smell the flowers"...because I'm betting that your olfactory senses, like many of your other means of exploring the world, have been vastly heightened as a result of the journey you've been on!

~Marin

good for your doc in recognizing your need for meds!  and good for you for taking care of yourself.

 When I was a year out from dx, I totally remodelled my home---redecorated, painted, removed paneling, etc, etc.  I figured I''d waited long enough and who the hell knew if I'd have time to do it later? 

Fortunately, my dh and I had begun travel after our 25th anniv and kept it up---so have done most of that that I wanted to do---now, I do the things I WANT to do---and yes, I do them alone, cause he is not interested---but I've found that there are a lot of places to go and things to do with women who have an adventureous streak. 

Whitewater rafting, Sweet Potato Queens weekend, pool training, craft fairs,chick movies, theater, you name it and I will sign on for it, and likely make the reservations.  I have FINALLY discovered that I don't need my spouse to go along with me -- I'm not responsible for his fun, only my own.  

Oh boy Katee - no one has told you the "new normal"?

Okay for you normal is the way you were before diagnosis.  However, you have to alter your definition as various side effects are permanent. An example is lymphadema.  Once your arm swells, there may be no getting back to the place you once were.  You can only move foreward.  If you dont mind, I will start:

 I hope that you will be able to accept and love yourself just as you are now.  I hope that you are proud enough of us to invite to meet the other branch of the family. If you live and love - then all should work out because everyone will take care of everyone else.  The family you want and need are right there hoping you will ask for their support.