Starting chemo January 2009?

i'm so excited! the san francisco magazine article is now on the stands! they interviewed me about my photography, my career, and how i've been able to use photography to spread the word about the importance of mammograms. here is the link:

http://www.sanfranmag.com/story/art-issues-awesome-capture

Hi all:

First, CONGRATULATIONS to all joining the list of DONE WITH CHEMO!!. I  hope you can put the worries and se's behind. You are all very early stage--think curable!

PrincessKauai/Renel--thanks for cold suggestions. honey helps with tea, and got the Mucinix DM. Finally slept 6 hrs. straight last night (added in a tylenol pm and adivan), which is great for the night of chemo since I'm usually wired on steroids. Asked dr. for what to take, and he gave me an rx for antibiotics (which I need to take if it gets "a little" worse. I'm avoiding...)

I've lost track of all the posts and will lose this one if I look back. YES Taxol SO much easier than AC. But I know that day 2 after chemo day I'll be in bed depressed and achy, but now that I expect it it's not so bad. But maybe tomorrow won't be so bad with my college kids coming home for spring break. A surprise from my son flying in from UCSD (but I knew dh would need a ride home since she's closer).

Ddlatt--I've had a bloody nose too, which i thought was from my cold but maybe will be ongoing. I've found the saline nose spray to be really helpful.

 Few eyelashes still holding on and eyebrows. Think underarm hair might be growing back (why oh why???).

I was so bombed out during chemo from benadryl that when the nurse asked me what arm I usually have my bp taken on I waved my left.  That's my BAD arm and it hurt so bad that I ripped the cuff off immediately. You'd think they'd check the chart. I guess I need to wear my ugly bracelet.

Have a good weekend all.

Thank you all for being here and sharing your stories.  I can totally relate to the chemo dread.  For my third "AC" treatment, I stopped at a local Bakery for some breakfast on the way.  I left my purse there and only realized once I'd parked at the medical center; then promptly locked my keys in the car!  I so didn't want to go... The Bakery kept my purse safe and DH brought me some spare keys while I was getting chemotherapy.

For me Taxol was easier, but I still had to drag myself there.  I will be one week out from last Taxol as of Monday; it'll hit when I don't have to go for a blood draw tomorrow.  Am still having fatigue, nose bleeds and very itchy rash on hands, some flu-like aches, and am broken out on my eyelash-less/eyebrow-less face, but that seems to be starting to clear a bit.  Fingernails/toenails hurt a little/look a little strange, but I think it'll be OK as long as I keep them very short for the next 2-4 months.  My hair started growing back on taxol, but it's very very sparse and thin. I see my Oncologist and get referral to Rad. Onc. this week.

I want to do some type of detoxification diet/cleanse starting this week.  Anyone else post-chemo doing one? I'm thinking of "Fat Flush Plan" (especially since I gained so much weight on Taxol).  I went to a "health institute" before starting chemo.  They taught me to frame this diagnosis as a "health opportunity" instead of a bad thing and to use a lot of daily positive imagery for health.  Now that I'm not working, I have more time to attend to that part of the process.  I went to the gym for the first time in "forever" on Thursday and it felt great to make that first effort; I need to start slowly with it.

I'm really impressed by everyone's perseverance with treatment, especially those of you who've had such challenges, with hospitalization and infections, and those of you who are taking care of family members with serious health opportunities of their own.  My thoughts and prayers go out to you!  oxo

Hey Everyone!  It's been awhile since I have posted, but I have been reading all of the posts and continue to be amazed and humbled at how everyone handles all that life continues to dish out, both good and not so good.  I had my last chemo (4 tx of TC) about two weeks ago.  The last tx went  down easier mentally because whatever se's I had I just kept telling myself "Bring it on...cause it's the last time!"  Just being able to know this helped during the first week after the treatment on the worst of the days.

Compared to what I've read, I've been fortunate(and grateful) that my se's were what they were.  Don't get me wrong, se's were a bitch, but by no means what some of you have endured.  Someone mentioned that their onc was of the "blame it on chemo" school of explaining all those little things that rear it's head while we are being pumped full of chemicals.  My onc is the same way.  During tx, I found this to be a bit frustrating as every time I had something new happen, it freaked me out.  However in retrospect, I could mentally calm myself down by telling myself that it was the chemo...just blame it on the chemo...and most of the "out of left field" things would pass or clear up on their own or with a simple OTC remedy. 

Having said that, can we talk about chemo brain?  It's been two weeks since my last(literally) tx, and I don't know if it's the energy level thing...which fluctuates during the day or if it's one of those cumulative se's but sometimes it's really hard to keep focus on anything.  Seriously, when I come to this site and catch up on the posts, I find that I'm mentally spent after a few pages.  Composing this post alone has taken me a while because I'll find myself just zoning out.  Physically, I can sort of see the "being normal" light at the end of the tunnel, but mentally I feel like I've lost more than a few IQ points.  On the upside is that I've learned not to give too much thought to things that could be considered a waste of thought like negativity or fear of things out of my control.  But on the downside is that more and more things are getting pushed into that category of "ugh...I don't have the energy to deal with this."  Especially things like taxes...ugh!  I've never been a numbers person, and I thank whoever created Turbotax, but, jeez even the trying to do a little bit everyday is a pain in ass...a taxing pain the ass.

Also, the hot flashes and body temperature changes...annoying.  One of the hardest things about finishing chemo is that you know things will start to get better and better, and this is certainly true...but you just want it faster than it happens.  And you sort of feel like you're being teased by the better health fairy.  At least that's what I've been going through this past week. For example, I've had days this week where I felt what I imagined I felt before all of this happened, and then boom, this wave of fatigue hits out of nowhere or the flush of heat/cold goes crazy...or I find myself staring at a blinking cursor for who knows how long... 

Okay, I think at the end of this I do want to say congrats to those of you who have finished your chemo(yay-clap clap).  For those of you still doing it, I am cheering for ya...hard because we all know that chemo totally sucks, the se's suck, hell, being in this whole situation...yeah, it sucks!  And as supportive as others are, unless you have been in our position it's hard to explain on the myriad levels just how awful this road can be.  But you know what...it does end, it does get better, maybe not as fast as we want...but it does.  And we have all been fortunate to have a place like this to connect with others who may not "know" who we are, but somehow know who we are and know what we're going through.

EVERYONE HERE IS AMAZING!

Catherine

I have to say I believe in "chemo brain" 100%.  I know it's true, because I have it.  I'll be in the grocery store and just stop the cart and try to think of what I needed and just can't concentrate on my thoughts.  I can't remember phone numbers or dates of anything.  I'll forget someones last name that I know very well.  Scary stuff, but I am hoping it'll go away eventually.  I have always had a really great memory, can remember a phone number after being told just once and things like that, and now I am lost, and I can't remember the simplest of things.  Maybe it's post-traumatic stress....not chemo brain, who knows.  It drives me crazy.

Hi everyone.  It has been ages since my last post but I have been reading most of yours.  Sounds like we are all really sick and tired of being sick and tired.   I admire all of you who have serious se's or other family issues.  We will all get through this with patience, love and prayers.

I have not been doing well myself.  I have been so weak with chemo induced anemia that I can barely make it from one room to the next.  Low hemoglobin has forced 2 transfusions, (2 pints each time).  First one lasted less than 3 weeks before the count was in the toilet again.   This one brought it back up significantly, so I am hopeful that it will last longer.  I feel much stronger this time.  I still have 10 Taxol treatments to go.  My last one on Thursday was not done because now my WBC was too low.  UGH!!!   They ordered neupogen for me to give myself shots for the 3 days following each treatment from now on.  I am also in a clinical trial for Avastin but only get that (or placebo) every 3rd treatment.   Luckily, I have not had too much in the line of other se's.  Not sure if I could handle much more.  I do have some back pain and shoulder pain, and oh God, I wish the feeling in my mouth would go away.  The only way to describe it is after you burn your mouth taking a sip of hot tea or coffee.  But it never goes away.   Anyone else have that?

LisaLisa, I agree that it gets more difficult with each treatment.  We know it is the best thing for us but still don't want to go.  Now finding out I will have to go for another week is really frustrating.  You have had such a tough time with your infections and everything.  Keep your chin up.   You're almost there.  

Here is hoping a good week for everyone and congrats to all who are finishing tx.    

Jilly--I don't leave the house or even try to run errands without a small stack of post-its because I can't trust myself to remember what I have to do or get.  I was writing out a check and totally blanked on what year it was.  Luckily, I have always been able to laugh when I make an ass out of myself, so I've had ample opportunity with the chemo brain syndrome, but I'm with you.  I've always been able to count on my memory which at times was almost photgraphic in details I could retain.  Now not so much and it's frustrating.  Twice this week I've forgotten whether I've taken medication in the morning, or when I'm planning dinner, I can't remember what I had for lunch.  I've noticed that it seems to mostly affect short term memory things rather than memories that are more distant in nature.  But it's that damned inability to focus that really takes the cake...especially when you're out and about.  Now I'm just used to having conversations stop because I'll have forgotten the point I was making.  Friends now are used to me just going blank and saying: "Yeah...that thought...?  Gone"

here's another great link about chemobrain, on the breastcancer.org info site:

http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/planning/ask_expert/2008_10/ 

i don't have chemobrain (yet???). i was so stressed out before surgery, i had ALL the symptoms of chemobrain then. but once i had surgery, no more symptoms. i have no idea why. 

 susieque - i've had burning and watery eyes every since i started chemo in january. have tried visine, artificial tears. so far nothing helps me. also, my vision changed after AC#3, and my doc told me that was normal, that my proper vision will return after chemo is over. 

brenda - that's exacty how i feel after each neulasta shot, and the taxol makes it even worse for me. on day 8 after taxol is when that pain finally goes away for me.  i also had very bad chemo-induced anemia after AC#4. my doc told me that diet couldn't help, but i started eating steak (for the first time in decades) for the iron, and it has absolutely helped me a lot. i'll go back to being vegetarian once chemo is over, but for now, i eat steak every three days. my RBC count went way up after i started eating steak and i no longer feel exhausted just walking across the room. i am able to even take short walks now and not feel winded. 

ddlatt--Yup, everything you have suggested for care of the nails is what I have read as well.  I think I mentioned earlier that the onc nurse suggested bag balm-what they use on cows- every night for hands and feet.  I also read somewhere about using hard as nails polish to protect from the cracking.  I have black stripes up my thumb nails, but that is from the FEC tx.  I will say however, I truly ache more from the taxotere.  Wow, just like I have the flu.  Been taking tylenol, but would prefer some type of vitamin.....any suggestions>

Kathy and all the Jewels:  Hell yeah, I'm still sending out the best of vibes and thoughts and  prayers to all who are still doing chemo! 

Hi all! I enjoyed reading all the posts yesterday. Decided I shouldn't post on Sunday--it's my REALLY down day after Friday Taxol. I'm down physically and emotionally. I felt bad since my college kids were home. I did go for a short walk with them, which was great on a beautiful day, and the first I'd been on in a couple weeks since I"ve had a cold (much better now--still holding off on antibiotics). I need to talk with my onc. I think it's the steroids. My body hurts and I just want to cry and I feel hopeless.

Now it's MOnday and much better.

PrincessKauai--I definitely want to detox post chemo. I want to detox now!! I asked my onc about the weight gain. I thought it was water weight since I feel like I gained so fast (about 5 pounds in 4 weeks). He said no, it's the steroids that cause increased appetite and I need to be careful. He says he gets blamed a lot for chemo weight gain. Another reason for me to ask for decreased steroids. Let us know if you find a good detox. I think the "alternate thread" here might have some ideas.

I'm really feeling chemo brain too--I'm making lists like crazy now that I'm back to work, but I feel like I'm spinning my wheels sometimes and not thinking logically.  It's scary since I too was a big multitasker.

Ddlatt--thanks for the nail info. I just keep trying to keep them moisturized with the burt bees lemmon butter and almond butter. My hands are SO DRY. Some nails started to have dark verticle stripes during AC. Can't tell much difference after Taxol #4, but have 8 to go.

Brenda--so good to hear from you. I'd been hoping you're ok. I hope you find the Taxol easier. My blood counts have started to go up (knock on wood). Even my red counts--but like Ddlatt I've been eating red meat again. But maybe you're getting the avastin and I'm not--since it's supposed to affect counts on top of the othe chemo. Did you get a follow-up echo or muga? My trial director is concerned mine went down so I have to have another one in April. I asked the onc and he's not worried but says the trial really wants to keep on top of the heart thing. I guess that's good but nerve-wracking for me.

KT57--hang in there --one to go!! Yay!

Renrel-Sounds like you had a nice date. It's good to get out. Went to dinner at friend's Friday and had a great time and conversation and felt like my old self. The night of chemo is ok for me with Taxol, so I need to remember that I can have some fun! I liked your line about smiiling. I think Misty had one too. Smile til your heart sings. It's so true . I need to force myself, but it does feel better

Have a good day all.

I just became aware of an annoying issue with the tearing eyes SE.  I just looked in the mirror and I have been tearing so much that I washed away a line of my make up and it looks like I have a scar on my face.  Errrr.  I started using a mineral power foundation about when I started chemo (got all new make up to make sure everything was free of bacteria) and I really like it.  I may have to go back to a liquid form. 

DS had is kindergarden interview thing today and it went well. He is excited about kindergarden so he was very cooperative and did not go into his shy I don't want to talk to strangers thing.  He was very outgoing and transtioned well from the interview with me to the one away from me.

I am feeling tired and down but doing a bit of shopping at Trader Joes helped a bit.  It reminded me of a cake recipe I wanted to try.  Maybe I will make a loaf of bread this week too.  It is easy and make me feel like I accomplished something which lifts my spirts.  DH has a few things he really wants to do after work this week, including Chemo day but is concerned that it is not a good week to leave my on my own.  We will play it by ear.  I know he is here with me if I need him to be and I also know he needs his time away to stay sane and to try to move his career ahead.  He still has a job but his company is in need of some new clients. Luckily there are a few they expect to start business with soon.

LadyJane-  Ugh!!! The hospital again.  I feel so bad for you.   I think being unable to breath right is the worst.  I center myself with my breath, so when I can't breath it really throws me for a loop.  I will be thinking strong healthy thoughts and sending them your way.  Good news about the MUGA test!

had my pre-chemo bloodwork this morning. unfortunately, the liver bloodwork that was taken right before chemo #5 shows that the aspartate amino-tran was at 88 and the alanine amino-trans was at 129. this gobbledygook means that the liver is not processing the chemo very well. so i have to have bloodwork again early in the morning, and the doc will decide if i can have chemo #6 on wednesday. if not, i have to wait a week or so. i don't want my chemo schedule derailed!!!!! stupid liver!!

Hi Jewels -- My nephew sent me a coffee mug with Rosie the Riverter on it...  It reads "F**k Cancer"  --- seems like that is a sentiment we can all share right about now.

Stay strong--