Angry rant-Please tell me if I am being a jerk!

Rubybuttons: I needed to hear someone else say that about their husband today.  Mine has been so good through this, but the last several days, yes, things going back beyond my reach, the help just not there.  I finally had a meltdown today.  Moving things and wanting them to be back to normal is not making me heal faster!!!

Great thread.  I could have written the original post.  My selfish moment was on January 23rd.  I had to go to my family doctor and then I was going out to run errands...things I needed, things I wanted, just a fun day to myself.

Well, a half hour before I'm about to leave my FIL calls because he needs to see his doctor, different doctor, same office.  I'm going at 10:00, he's been told to get there before 10:30 and they'll fit him.  So I pick him up and we both go and, of course, I'm finished before him and have to wait.

Then I take him home to my place and because he had to leave earlier than expected he hasn't had breakfast so I make it for him.  Then he realizes he's left his meds (that he brought to show the doctor what he's taking) at the doctor's office so back I go to get them.

When I get back hubby's home but I still can't go out because now we only have the one car (memory is shot but I guess my son went somewhere with the other car when DH got home) and the upshot is that the doctor is going to put my FIL in the hospital so we're just waiting for that call.

I was beside myself with rage.  As usual I have to give up my plans.  I was also feeling guilty; my FIL's 88 and not feeling well and it's not his fault.  I was just so frustrated and upset.  Like I said to my husband "The one time I want to go out I can't.  Everyone else always comes before me."  Anyway, 16 days later my FIL was dead.  So now I feel even worse.

This is what's so nice about this board.  we can say it here, because we have all felt it.  we are the only one's who truly knows what if feels like to have this disease.  i had a bilateral mastectomy and when i look in the mirror i look at myself how God looks at me and i see that as beautiful.  you HAVE to preserve yourself.  go ahead and rant on this board because we understand.  as women, we are so used to taking care of everyone else, and it's hard to have nice things done for us, and its hard for us to take me time. 

Oh this is one of those "hit home" posts if ever one existed! How about all of those, "Don't think negative" comments?  Time and time again I find myself saying, "I am NOT going to negative places, I am dealing with MY reality as best I can!"

 I had a bmx with expanders in Nov which was followed by a NASTY infection. Thankfully, the expanders were saved and I had a scar revision procedure right before chemo started. PS began the filling process but that came to an abrupt halt last week. Turns out, the expanders are wayyy to uneven (hence, I fired my first PS!) and any more stretching would be futile- why would one need the skin stretched to accomodate a boob right under the collarbone? So, now I am looking at surgery on May 27 (a month after chemo ends) to put that expander down where it belongs. I mean, who wouldn't be bummed? I merely relate this story and all I get is" at least chemo is over", or "that's cosmetic, no biggie" or 'don't look at it negatively." I'm NOT, I'm just telling it like it is!! There is absolutely no whine in my voice or my attitude. Does sugery EVER appeal to anyone ,let alone after all we've been through?

So many times, I find that I am psychologically preparing myself for something. Something mundane like the cumulative se's of this friggin chemo where I might say that I can't plan ahead how I'll feel and I get the speil about my negative thinking. UGH, if anything, this experience has taught me to think more positively but no one can see that!

Thanks for this thread, I feel better now!!

xoEllen

My situation seems a bit different.

During my time of diagnosis and treatment, my family was wonderful, especially my dear sister, who accompanied me to every appointment and took care of me after two surgeries. It's only now that the "crisis" is over that I'm getting backlash about being "high maintenance" during my illness. I really thought I was exceptionally big and brave. I thought my sister was doing things for me because she wanted to, not because I was demanding or even because I was truly in need of much help physically.

So, I'm having some belated hurt feelings, and now I feel self-conscious and "high maintenance" whenever I utter the slightest comment or complaint about my encounter with BC. For my family, it's over because I'm finished with the major treatment. For me, I'm still dealing with Arimidex and the ongoing concern of recurrence, and I would like to be able to talk about those things occasionally. But, for the time being, I'm trying to keep my mouth shut (which is probably why I've been visiting here and posting more frequently).

Tricia

I was just saying this to my husband last night.  Usually I do try to make a positive out of a situtation.  When I broke my foot I got great upper body strength from being on crutches and added weight lifing into my routine, drank more calcium, etc.  So we celebrated a negative making me adopt healthier habits.  I told him last night "I can't think of one lousy thing that I can say breast cancer will have done that will be positive or will have improved my life."  Exercise/eating healthy etc? I was already doing it.  It's made me sicker, some of the SE's will never go away, more to come, its expensive, .....   Positive?  How about not succumbing to despair and getting on with life as best as I can, that's as frickin positive as I'm going to get I think. (Don't get me started on the thoughtless wonders who tell me how breast cancer will make me a better person)

Tricia, you know, we look back on some bad days of this--like when I was really sick and in the hospital--and wonder how we got through them.   My husband and I wonder about it and laugh about moments that truly made me "high maintennance".  I think they loom larger in our heads because of emotions about how scared we were and the reality of the residual effects and how this really doesn't go away.  I hope that is part of that is what your family is going through.  I hope they really aren't complainig of you being high maintennance but of the emotions it puts us all through.  Getting through treatment does make us high maintennance in a way, it takes a lot of work and energy and nobody is experiencing it more then we are, we have to be "selfish" its the only way to gather enough support and emotions to get through.  Please don't apologize or feel badly about it.  It's really not being high maintennance, its survival. 

Hi Robyn!

Although I got my "rant" out on the other "rant - jerk" thread I am so glad you got this one going too. It is so helpful to hear so many other women talk about similar feelings!

Hope you're having a great day!

xoxo,

Carole