Embracing the Bald
Comments
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Damn straight that counts! Good for all of you!!!!!!! What an inspiration to others. There is enough to worry about than other people feeling uncomfortable. I know when I see someone obviously in the middle of battle, I want to give them a big hug! How would any of you feel by that? Usually I give them a smile and nod... and I know that they know that I know....you know?
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I have a question for those who might be reading and have experienced their hair growing back. I have been bald now for a couple of weeks. Most of the time I go around bald. My concern is what will I look like when the hair starts coming back? I have read the first hair that comes back is real thin and fuzzy. Then the "real" hair grows back in patches. How long will that process last? Has anyone gone around bald through the regrowth process?
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wow ginagina..
what an attitude!
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For me the grow out is going to be horrible. I look just like my brother with short hair. I'll wear lots of hats for the next several months. I'd rather be bald.
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No kidding, I wish I could go from bald to cute short haircut! Would have been nice being bald in the summer and hair growth in the Winter!
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Cebula - I love the pics of you and your family (I checked out your blog too)! Soo fantastic.
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ginagina - Thanks
And good for you, summer is around the corner, now you won't have to mess with wigs & scarves! Enjoy your baldness.I smooth shaved my head today, wish it would stay like that until it's time to grow again, feels & looks so much nicer
Only have about a month to go before it's time to grow... -
My hair is growing back(all over I might add!)
soooo many people said it would come in curly. Not!!! My last chemo was Nov. 14. Nothing much started to happen until the first of the year. Now it is about an inch long mostly all over. People are funny......they have said " oh, its coming in grey" DuH. they really thought I was a natural blonde!!!
It definately is more grey than I anticipated but I feel I will embrace it and keep it that way. It is salt and peppery. I just tell people its grey from the chemo and maybe it is!! It is very soft.
I wore my bald head proudly. It was an external symbol of what was/am going through. People who had gone through or know of someone who had gone thru what we are going thru would stop and give me hugs and support. It was nice. You can't see this disease and somehow the baldness let others know what was going on. I will kind of sort of miss being bald!! It certainly was easy to wash!!!. Now when I wear a hat(mostly RED SOX or PATRIOTS caps) I have hat head!!! I wear the caps to keep my head warm on the cold/cool days. Otherwise there is no hat, especially if I am having a flash.
I don't know if any of that makes sense or helps but there it is. Truly, for me, losing my hair was the least of my worries.
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I am so loving this thread these days, ya'll! As each new bald pate arrives, I get a little thrill from seeing the freedom and smiles you are expressing. Thank you so much!
I made it official this week. It was finally warm enough for me to have a good "excuse" not to wear a hat. Reactions were fantastic all around. I went to the drug store (of course!), to my Onco, to my daughter's school, grocery shopping... up until now I've tossed a hat into the car in case I felt uncomfortable. I didn't even bother this week. It's too hot for a hat and the wind and the sunshine on my scalp feel AMAZING!
I do, however, think that at times a little LESS enthusiasm and support would be nice. I was on a time table and running late when I stopped by my local C-store for some extra water. FIVE people stopped me to tell me their stories and give me a morale boost. Wonderful of them, but I was very, very late! Sometimes a little anonymity might be a good thing. Too bad it would take a wig. I never even bothered to try one on!
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i receive excellent feedback when i go out bald.. i usually wear a scarf as a headband to add a touch of femininity -- much needed since i kind of swagger as i bound thru my errands.
one of the most profound encounters was with a 15 year old girl.. she said 'you have the most beautiful eyes - my mom had beautiful eyes.". i hugged her and she cried for about 10 minutes. we were in a grocery line and we had to go and sit on a bench. i wanted to take her home with me she seemed so lost, so very sad. i really wish i had tried to stay in touch with her.
this disease touches so many. it is good for people to know we exist and are fighting.
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I just wanted to tell y'all how much I enjoy this thread. It was started too late for me to join--my TC x 4 began almost a year ago--but I think many of us tried to express the same spirit in our individual chemo threads. For instance, "rock" on our May 2008 thread was originally "rockthebald"; and with her, some of us bravely went "bald-bald" in public. But not like you have.
There is a thread called "HAIR HAIR HAIR" on the Chemo forum for when your hair starts growing back (and it will, like it or not!). But I don't think I've seen one for celebrating--okay, maybe that's too strong a word--embracing the baldness (a nice word). Good for you!
BTW, my hair was stick-straight "before the baldness." Now, 41 weeks after my last chemo, it is very, very curly. I mean, really tight curls. At first I was thinking I liked bald better.
otter
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I just need to vent
My hub and I had our first major cancer fight last night. And it was over my hair (or lack there of). SO STUPID! I was debating whether or not to shave my head closer before the Girl Scout meeting this afternoon (the patchiness is bothering me) and he turned it into a "You really should cover your head so you don't scare the 6 year olds". We are a classic family. Everything to him is either Black or White. To me, there are 1000 shades of grey. The conversation wasn't supposed to be about whether or not to wear a hat/scarf (all of them hurt right now anyway...and because of my big head, do absolutely nothing to hide anything). The conversation was supposed to be about whether I tidy up my splotchy noggin. And scare the 6 year olds? Seriously? Is that what I am doing???? I did get an apology this morning but I am still down about the whole thing.
OK, blowing it out!! Thanks, I needed to let off some steam.
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ginagina Sorry you had to go through this. When I started publicly go out bald, at first, I felt weird around children, I didn't want to freak them out. Then I realized that children are a lot more resilient than adults. Adults are more likely to freak out seeing a blad person than a child, adults KNOW why you're bald. Children, you'll get stares, they might ask questions but I don't think you would scare them.
This past Monday, we met with a private school for our son for next year. We were getting ready to leave and hubby looks at me "you're not going to wear a scarf?" He was somewhat bothered by it, after all we were going to a "meeting" that would decide if they would accept our son or not in the school. Well, my thinking was, it's in a church, we're meeting the pastor, if he can't get past the fact that I have cancer, too bad!
I've finally came up with the conclusion that no matter what, someone WILL be uncomfortable. If I wear the scarf, I'm hot, itchy and uncomfortable. If I don't, then other people are uncomfortable seeing bald (at least at first). I'm going through enough right now that I will NOT be the uncomfortable person over it.
Good luck, it's an adjustment for everyone. Keep in mind that while you're fine with being bald, you don't see yourself bald all day long like other people do - unless you carry a mirror with you
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I have actually been sort of looking forward to the bald thing. I had a wonderful head of hair and it was a little sad losing it but I chose to see it or experience it, to the extent I could, as a sort of spirtual adventure. A chance to see myself in a light I never have before and to experience how others would react to me. If I am ugly bald, well then I will leave this experience much more empathetic to those who are less attractive than myself and will hopefully be more humble and put less weight on beauty. It may be a painful experience but I think it can be one I will be better for going through. So anyway, I let my hair fall out on its own and it never completely feel out. I have a light covering of sort of long fuzz, a few inchs worth that you can see right through. It is not very attractive. I do cover my head when I go out but I am not freaked out if my head cover comes off and I am upfront about being baldish. I tell people I am wearing a wig. I have three in different colors, four if you count the silly pink one. But today, in honor of spring, I am going to buzz what is left so that if I want to go bare headed it will look some what attractive. (yes I do realize that wanting to look more attractive is sort not what I was going for earlier in the post, but I am human. I am not intentially going to make myself less attractive but I am going to take what I can out of the experience of being unattractive rather than get all flustered by it, if that makes any sense.) The fuzz just looks weird to me, neither fish nor foul is the phrase that comes to mind I guess. So anyway, wish me luck with the final step toward baldness.
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OK, I am now buzzed and prickly instead of fuzzy. Not sure if I like it better or not. I do miss the feel of the fuzz under my hand. I must confess I am not going bald yet. It maybe the first day of spring but it is still cold here in Boston.
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Hi all - thank you for your kind words.
Everything worked out in the end. I was at home on my own Thursday (prior to BS followup meeting and Girl Scout meeting) with Kindergartner in school and little guy at daycare. I accidentally decided I would try to *fix* the splotchiness and well....yes, kind of made it worse. The razor cut the buzz cut sprouts down from 1/8" to pure stubble, but not smooth aka baby-bottom-smooth. And where it was the worst (most splotchy and most painful) was right at the front of my crown....easiest to access yet easiest to see. And well... the effect was bad. I razored the area (with my new EXPEN$$IVE Braun), the dark hair follicles can still be seen just at the skin level, and now it is more sore than before.
So despite my whimpering and whining about my husband....I ended up going to the meetings with a hat on!!! Oh the humiliation. I am not proud of myself, but I think in the end it was probably the best thing to do. The staff at the surgeons office (likely faced with many people in my condition) were not as easy going about the baldness as I thought, so they did better with my hat. The 6 years olds first asked questions (not to me directly; they asked my daughter ) why I was bald (with my hat on) and the parents I know well did very well. The parents that I dont know well didn't do well....I think it would been much tougher on them without the hat.
That being said, Cebula - I think you are right. So.....did you where a scarf to the school meeting?
Renrel - I totally get you too. I think as soon as I can clean up this mess...the stubble, the splotchiness and the fuzz, I think I will be much more comfortable going BALD ALL THE TIME. I actually HATED my short hair cut and loved the GIJane buzz I got on Sunday. But it just didn't last and so now I think I just need to get it baby-bottom-smooth.
Anyone got ideas?
hugs
gina
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gina gina Just shave it all, smooth shaved
Sorry you had to wear the hat though. Honestly, I don't know that people would have reacted differently if you would have gone bald, they all knew what was going on so I'm not sure it would have made a difference. I went bald to the school meeting, no one said a word or even stared (students included!). The lady in charge called me a few days ago with more info and she only asked how I was doing. I'm really surprised at the response, while I have yet to have one person approach me to talk about cancer, I fear that people wouldn't want to talk with me. My boys started a swimming lessons and when I went last week, I showed up bald, I was expected to be ignored by other moms (fear of talking to a blad woman going through chemo!) but yet 2 other moms started talking to me about other stuff than cancer. That was great!
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Yup. I use my Expen$ive Braun a couple of times a week. It's not always baby butt smooth, but as TX's progress, it's getting more so. *insert eyeroll here* I stretch the skin up and down my head, hubby helps, to get a closer shave, but that's the best I can tell you.
I went "topless" to do the grocery shopping today. Not much reaction anywhere, but I DID park in a Seniors Only spot. I would never park in a handicapped zone, but I feel NO GUILT whatsoever about using preggo and senior spots when I'm feeling tired. And with this head? Who's gonna balk me?
*big cheesy grin*
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I'm so glad some of you are becoming more comfortable with your beautiful heads. Most of the time I forget that I'm bald when out in public. Every once in awhile I see someone glancing but no more than they did when I had hair. I have two very attractive daughters that are stared at all the time so no ones usually looking at me.
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Bump
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Someone posted asking for suggestions on how to put on foundation when your face goes all the to the back of your neck. I have found that by using foundation that his a bit too light for my face and then using a face power that better matchs my natural skin tone I get a pretty good blend from face to scalp. I have a fair/medium skin tone so this might not work for those with darker skin, but I thought I would share what seems to be working for me.
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This is an off-the-topic question; But, what does Bump mean when someone posts on a thread?
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Expectmiracles--I've been worndering about "bumps" too!
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Cheryl- it brings the topic back up to the top
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Cheryl, BTW, your ER pic on the Feb. 09 thread is terrific! Wish I could look like that in the midst of all this...I'm into another "jelly bean" head thanks to steroids--the swelling just keeps on coming....oh well. Helen
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plakatakr, I still don't understand. -
xpectmiracles....Threads that don't get a lot of traffic fall to the bottom of each category, otherwise you would have to filter through uninteresting stuff. Any posting will bring the thread up to the top of the "Active Topics." I think "bump" just tells everyone what your intentions are. Correct me if I'm wrong peeps (AKA friends). This is my first intro to Community Boards; seven months and counting.
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I ran into a sweet lady at a restaurant on Friday that had the tell tell signs of chemo (knit cap and no eyebrows) so I walked up to her and asked if she was doing chemo because she looked familiar. If she had not made eye contact with me I wouldn't have bothered her. Anyway, she said "I wish I could walk around bald." I told her that several of us do this and that we shouldn't feel like we have to cover our heads. She took her cap off and had the most beautiful head I've ever seen. She walked out of the restaurant with her mom and her cap was now where to be found.
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And THAT, Renee, is why this thread must be continually bumped!
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This is without a doubt, for me, the most empowering topic I have found in this community. Renee thanks for starting it, and thanks to all the ladies who are willing to share their thoughts and experiences.
Caroline, thank you so much for posting your feelings about choosing not to be the person uncomfortable. Your words gave me freedom!
I'm not sure if I posted that I am a tutor at an elementary school and I was concerned about the students--this was when my hair was short, not yet bald. Then my hair began to fall out. I put a hat on waiting to go bald. Hmm, it didn't really happen a 100%. Second round of chemo didn't take anymore hair off, but I battled with low blood counts, my breast blistering thanks to radiation recall, and a viral ear infection. Five days off work, but still not completely bald. So I returned to work with a hat, but the hat was hot and too big for me; I was self conscious. By Friday, I had had it; I remembered Caroline's post about not being the uncomfortable one and I decided to wear my favorite baseball cap to work.
When the students or staff asked about my hair, I took my hat off. A 6th grade student said it was so sad that I lost all my hair because some people's hair never comes back. I told her my hair would grow back. She asked if I was embarrassed. About what? She rolled her eyes upward. Because I have no hair? I told her no, I wasn't embarrassed. I am grateful that I am receiving medicine that we help me live until I am 100 years old like my grandmother. She a little taken back by my answer and replied, "Well some people would be embarrassed." I love my 5th and 6th graders and welcome the opportunity to remind them a person is more than our hair or appearance.
As for my younger students? They are not comfortable with my hair. But let's remember they make faces at peas and carrots and still have to learn to eat them, so I am just another lesson of learning to accept things that look, taste, sound, or smell funny. Hopefully, I will only fall into the "look funny" category
So I have set the stage for my next decision: I am not going to fuss over trying to make my head a baby smooth bald. Hang it! If the growth looks untidy, I'll trim it up, but otherwise, my focus is going to be on me doing all I can to keep smiling while I reclaim my health. I am mean what can be more beautiful than a woman at ease with herself?
Next order of business: Change my personal photo to Al Fresco Cloud
Cheers!
Cloud
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