HAIR LENGTH - AM I BEING OVER SENSITIVE?
Dear Sisters, and a shout out to the brothers, mothers, fathers, and friends that God makes us -
I have a question that has nagged me for years. You can give me your opinion, refer me to a web site, a book, or please suggest some food for thought.
The Question: At what length does "African-American, Black, Negro" women's hair become short, medium, or long?
I'm about to start chemo. I'm making my peace with my hair. My oncologist, who is the most phenomenal doctor you'd hope to work with, is giving me the steps that I should expect to see. Today, he referred to my hair as "short."
May the Lord love me, as He always has, my hair is below my ears, It is not in a lovely cut that I call a business world "poodle cut" of lovely curls. If anything, it's a short page boy with nape length. It does not touch my shoulders, but it covers my ears. It will always be thicker than it is long - well, historically that's the truth.
Some History: In high school, so long ago, a teacher was saying to the class that babies love to touch hair. I was taking notes, and I looked up at him, and he looked at me and said, "You can let yours grow."
I was floored. His name was Mr. Kalman, and yes, he was not African-American. All those years with bad beauticians as a child, my beloved mom's nervousness, and my own efforts to have a short page boy, and I felt like he was saying my hair was 3/4" inch long all over. I was deflated.
Is it me? Is it me?
Men don't get it that processed African-American hair is delicate. When it has shine, body, and loveliness, it has had love and work put into it. Hair of all races of women shines when it is clean and conditioned with a periodically necessary good cut/trim, no?
Maybe I should just remember the nice times when my sisters at the salon would remark what a lovely job my stylist had done, that my hair was growing, and that it looked beautiful.
I think, because this is a sore spot with me from my childhood, part of me wants to tell my oncologist that he will make MANY points with African-American women (and women in general) if he will note that if a woman's hair covers her ear rings, please call it medium instead of short. Let's see. I should simplify that. If the longest curls or locks are longer than 6 inches, they no longer hold "poodle curls" without effort. The hair is too heavy to hold small "C" shaped curls.
I think, because now I am going to lose my hair, I might be hyper sensitive at this time.
Is it me? Is it me? Don't men want to touch your hair fresh from the beauty shop and you want to say, "Honey! Bless you. I love my hair, too. That shine is health and product! Thank you, and back off. Appreciate, smile, touch one or two times and back off. Don't stroke it, you'll remove the oils (natural and from conditioners) that help it to shine."
God has never let me down. I'm counting on it.
Thank you for your replies.
sessna1
Comments
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Hi sessna1
I am sorry we have to meet this way---but we are here for your support.
My thoughts---Our hair is our "glory", kinda hard to think about giving it up. and it looks to me, you are doing the work around "saying goodbye to it for a little while", I think this is very healthy, because I "acted a fool", thought, this was not going to happen to me, even after they told me so. The day I went to go get a wig--it was raining out side and I was crying my eyes out inside, as the sales lady helped me to find a wig, that was so much like what little hair I had left on my head--folks thought it was my own. Same color and texture. I could breathe and feel good about me. It was one of the hardest days of my life during that time.
You are right--that you could be sensitve about this and nothing that Dr. will say will be right, right now---the fact that it may stem from childhood--is gonna creep in to your feelings too--and the fact of the matter is---THIS IS A HEAVY TIME RIGHT NOW---Everything seems turned upside down and may feel "GLOBAL"!!!
Yes, Hold on to God"Unchanging Hand--you got the answer!!
So feel what you feel right now--your feelings are not right or wrong, they belong to you.
When your treatment is over, you will still have a story to tell about your hair, and unless one has had Chemo that takes the hair out---they don"t, don't know how we have to deal with this!!!!
Please keep us posted with any of your thoughts--hope this will help a little.
Take care of you.
Linda C.
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Dear Linda C.,
Your words have helped a lot. You probably won't believe it, but I was scared that no one would reply because they would think, "This is one shallow chick, here."
Often times an episode of life appears to come down to, "Just tell me I'm not totally in left field. I'll accept you telling me that I'm playing football, just tell me that I'm not totally too far gone."
I have always hated having a cold head! (Cold head and/or cold feet and this mama is not happy.) I am going to go and start a post asking for wig selection help.
Again, thank you! Your time and words meant a lot to me.
Love in Christ,
sessna1
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Hello Sessna!,
Post" ANYTIME" about "ANYTHING".
When I was 1st diagnosed in 1999, I really did not have anyone to ask questions to, and I was crazy some days--I started a journal, about how I felt, and all the little quirks that went on, moreso that I would share with anyone going through this. I still journal every day, some times that lil book gets to hear a lot!! I say anything you are feeling is real to you. Maybe not to other folks--- So don't ever feel that you can't ask.
I love this site---some of our sisters are not posting for, what ever reasons, and thats Ok, we will remember to keep them all in prayer. I was not posting for about 5 months as my computer went out and I missed the ladies so much---every now and then they may drop back in, and its always good to hear from them.
In the meantime--Stay Blessed and Stay Strong!!!
Linda C.
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