How can I help my sister?

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nagalee
nagalee Member Posts: 1
edited September 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I don't have breast cancer but my 37 year old sister does.  I want to help her with the depression. 

She isn't in a good relationship actually she is in a complicated relationship with her ex.  Right now she is living with our parents with 2 of her 3 kids.  She had to take a leave from her job as a nurse while she gets chemo for the next 4 months.  She will then get surgery and be off of work for another 6 months.  Who wouldn't be depressed Right?

My sister has always been depressed but now it is even worse.  She won't come onto these discussion boards or support groups.  I don't even know if she will listen to us or her doctors. 

Right now she isn't even talking to me.  The other day she went to smoke,  I couldn't believe that she would even think of smoking now!  Our 46 year old aunt died 6 years ago from cancer that started in her breast and then moved to her bones and brain.  Our aunt never gave up smoking. 

Any advice to help my sister I would greatly appreciate it. 

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  • BFidelis
    BFidelis Member Posts: 156
    edited February 2009

    First, I am so sorry for you and your sister.  There is no way you can coerce, cajole or cow someone into seeking help.  You can call her doc and tell him/her you are NOT looking to discuss your sister's case, you just want them to discuss depression with HER on her next appt. (This is not a privacy violoation.)  All you can do is try.  Be there for her.  If and when she's ready.  It only takes one psychiatrist to change a lightbulb, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

    Side note:  what your sister probably needs LEAST right now is an anti-smoking crusade.  Yes, it's very bad for you.  But it is a coping mechanism, and right now she needs to cope.  The stress relief from smoking may be offering her the only respite she has.  (Docs also don't tell you that nicotine counters gastro-intenstinal acetocholene and in doing so helps counteract the effect of bad/sour/upset stomach from stress.)  And your aunt's BC didn't metastasize because she smoked.  Your sister needs help.  Harping on smoking is NOT going to be helpful.  Your only chance to help your sister is to STAY FOCUSED on her, and her needs.  And there are no guarantees.

    That said, I wish you the best and pray for your success.  You are a good sister.  There are many of us here who have fought anxiety and depression.  We can be here for both of you.

    Dona Nobis Pacem,

    Beth

    Realize that you cannot control your sister's life.

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  • M0mmyof3
    M0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,696
    edited September 2014

    Like what the others have said here being there for her when she is ready to talk is important. Showing her that you are there for her even though she may not be at the point where she is ready to talk will speak volumes to her in the long run. I wish you and your sister all the love in the world.

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