Starting Chemo February 2009?

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited February 2009

    LOVE the photos! I can't figure out how to post them.....Would love to see pictures of the "new you"! Bet you look great bald too.

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  • Artemis
    Artemis Member Posts: 759
    edited February 2009

    Hi, Furies ~
    AC #3 went well today.  One more of those then I start Taxol.  I asked a nurse about dark nail polish w/Taxol; she'd never heard of it, but said to certainly give it a try. 

    BCPrego ~ Welcome!  I'm sorry you had to join us, but we have lots of hugs for you.  Bless your little heart, I can't imagine how overwhelmed you must feel.  Congratulations on your new little one!!
    Smile

    MmmmmmmmmBoiledPeanutsmmmmmmm...

    Gramof3 ~ no formal procedure for joining us; just jump right in!  I'm sorry you've had to find us, but this is a great group ~ welcome!

    KerryMac ~ today was my #3, and I spent all weekend dreading it.  It was almost a feeling of foreboding, and I don't know why.  Maybe it was a mortality moment for me as well.

    Speaking of that, several days ago I felt a little bump on my back just below my bra; I immediately stiffened and thought, "Wha..??!"  After Husband looked at and assured me it was just a pimple (which Onco confirmed today), I realized that this is it.  This is the "new normal" for me.  This is how my life will be from now on.  Questioning every new ache, pain, bump, and just plain wierd thing.  And I don't like it.
    Yell

    MicheleS ~ I'm glad you're getting better, honey; just keep on keepin' on with the meds.  I hope you'll soon get to put away the Queen Nausea crown and that none of us Fabulous Furies have to put it on again!
    Wink

    I love you guys!

    Hugs to all,
    Artemis

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited February 2009

    Artemis - glad #3 is under your belt. You'll be there before you know it. Hopoe the next few days go well for you.

    I am having a horrible day. Don't know why, except it happens every couple of weeks. Grrrrr. I hate this .

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  • jancie
    jancie Member Posts: 2,631
    edited February 2009

    I don't know how to do 2 pictures at a time so here is a before picture of my hair before I cut my pony tail off. 

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  • jancie
    jancie Member Posts: 2,631
    edited February 2009

    And my short bob - all we needed to do was cut some stray hairs and I had an instant haircut - wish I had a picture from the back because it just came out perfect.

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  • jancie
    jancie Member Posts: 2,631
    edited February 2009

    One of my wigs - I LOVE long hair and I think I am going to get another one like this in red.  This one is a strawberry blonde.  The picture isn't great - but wanted to basically show you the length of the wig - LOL  I must have had on my reading glasses because it looks as though my right eye is missing.

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  • jancie
    jancie Member Posts: 2,631
    edited February 2009

    KerryMac - thanks for the compliment on the photos.  I can't figure it out myself which is whyI had Janzin help me.  I tried that photobucket sight or whatever and I could never find an area where it said upload file.  I guess I need to get my hubby to teach me how since he is the computer whiz!

    I don't know what I am going to look like bald - I am kind of scared to even think of how I am going to look.  I only have about 10 more days before I lose my hair!  I have this short neck so that I am sure is not going to help, I will probably look more like Humpty Dumpty - a big oval thing on top of a stump of a neck - LOL

    I totally relate to the horrible days.  I have managed to fold 2 loads of towels and have not done a darn thing else.  I don't feel like doing anything, I just don't feel "right".  I don't feel bad - just totally "off".

    I got dressed to go and get some cigarettes, was walking out the door and stopped myself and instead took a Chantrix and a valium.  I will be passed out later on today for sure but if that means I don't stress over wanting a smoke, so be it.  I don't know why it is so difficult NOW to not smoke when I did so good for 2 weeks.  I hate this! 

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  • flmomof3
    flmomof3 Member Posts: 28
    edited February 2009

    BC Preggo, oh my goodness! Welcome! we will help you get through this!! God bless you and your little angel! Please post a picture of her so we can all ooh and ahh!!!!! I thought having a  3 year old right now was difficult...

    Jancie, I love that red dress, you look awesome! (The transition haircut made losing my long hair much easier) I want to go somewhere where I can wear that red dress! DH is planning a trip for May...we are going to pull the kids out of school for a week and go somewhere cold! We live in Florida so cold is a novelty for us!

    Artemis, I have always been a hypochondriac, so I am absolutely beside myself right now with all of these crazy symptoms...I have strange lumps everywhere! I can't wait to share them all with my onc on Thursday!!Surprised BC is the ONLY thing I never thought I had!   My yoga teacher ( she is a bit of a nut) says to channel any stress you have over any part of your body and send it LOVE instead!!! So I was loving my glow in the dark bald head today!!!

    Its so nice to share with you all...Hope everyone feels better after logging in today!

    Love,

    Sue from Fl

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  • xpectmiracles
    xpectmiracles Member Posts: 439
    edited February 2009
    So what's this obsession with "boiled peanuts" all about?Laughing
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  • kelty
    kelty Member Posts: 80
    edited February 2009

    My white blood cell counts is back to normal, but the platelet is still too low. Had to delay my AC treatment till next week.  I guess I'm no longer in the DD schedule, will be more like AC infusion every three weeks.

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited February 2009

    jancie.. i would sooo love to appear in a dress like that.  We haven't gone out to a formal thing for about 4 years. 

    you look awesome and happy.

    i love photos and i'm wondering if I could grow peanuts here in Kansas?

    Susan   we should have our own 2nd hair loss club.  I was pretty excited the first time.  People equate hair with health.. so many have said 'It's so nice to see you healthy'  it;s just the hair. 

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited February 2009

    Kelty - hope switching to every three weeks is easier on you. I couldn't imagine having to go in every two weeks, every three is bad enough!

    I'm thinking of burrowing into the snow to plant my own peanut crop. Or maybe I should just wait until spring....

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  • MicheleS
    MicheleS Member Posts: 937
    edited February 2009

    Having a weepy morning... one of the tri-negs from the Feb 2007 chemo grp passed away Sat.  I didn't know her and never even spoke to her but I can't get it out of my head.  bleck.  So how do ya'll deal with the whole "ticking time bomb" scenerio?  If it weren't for my kids, I'd be OK with dying...

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited February 2009

    I am so sorry, that sucks.

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  • xpectmiracles
    xpectmiracles Member Posts: 439
    edited February 2009

    (((Michelle)))

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  • sue50
    sue50 Member Posts: 61
    edited February 2009

    MicheleS,

    I'm sorry....Ticking time bomb...that's a good analogy.... I think of it as a sword hanging over my head; my first diagnosis was back in 2002 so it's been there for a while. But I thought I was done after my first bilateral masts. Never dreamed I would have second bilateral masts...!

    Mostly I like to ignore my sword; but I do occasionally talk to DH about, well if I don't make it, should DH sell the house, and move closer to his job? What's best for my son? Stuff like that. As a control freak, I feel better with some kind of plan for both ways, making it or not making it. And trusting God to take care of my loved ones for me.

    The other day I took a walk with my family up the road. My 11 year old son said afterward,

    "mom I bet those cars going by thought it was your Last Walk because of the scarf on your head". So dramatic!!!  I told him no, the scarf means that there IS hope for me. That if there was no hope of recovery, we wouldn't bother with the chemo. Here's hoping we all make it, Furies.

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  • susan13
    susan13 Member Posts: 732
    edited February 2009

    I'm having a down day.  I'm just so tired of being sick and tired.  Tired of endless doctor appointments.  This week I have 3 appointments which includes a fill in my expanders and another chemo treatment.  Tired of coming to work when I can't get out of bed. Tired of being stuck with needles every week. Tired of not sleeping and I'm so tired of wearing a wig!  OIE.  I sure can use week on a sunny beach with endless margaritas!  Ok. I vented enough.

    And so sorry to hear of another person taken away by this senseless disease.

    Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.http://suesbadboobs.blogspot.com/me.
    Dx 9/4/2008, ILC, 1cm, Stage IIb, Grade 1, 4/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-

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  • kat4pink
    kat4pink Member Posts: 63
    edited February 2009

    Sue50-I had a bilaterial mact. in January... what do you mean by a 2nd one? (I hate you've had to go through that!!) Do they just take the breast tissue that was left? I am pretty flat, but I am sure there is some left since I have heard that can't ever get it all.

    Jancie - You are beautiful.. Love the pictures.. add me to the ones that want to go somewhere and wear that gorgeous dress!

    Susan13- I don't start my chemo until Thursday, and I am already tired of it all.. that's pretty bad huh? Just keep reminding yourself, this is just a temporary journey! (I know, easy for me to say since I haven't even started yet) I am only an hour from the sunny beaches, and I can't wait until I am over this and can go enjoy them again. Of course it is in the 50s here right now, so nothing sunny about it right now!

    MichelleS- sorry to hear about the woman from the other thread.. how sad. My heart goes out to her family.

    Apple- I think you look beautiful in your pictures...if anyone is unfortunate enough to have to lose their hair twice, at least it is someone like you that pulls it off so beautifully.

    BCPrego & Gramof3 - Welcome! As others have said, I hate you have to be here, but you couldn't have picked a nicer bunch!

    flmomof3- How did you get your bald head to glow in the dark? How cool would that really be?? lol  I actually have this bubble juice that you put in a bubble machine we used for one of my DD's parties that glows in a black light... I think when I am all the way bald, I will slap some on my head and turn on some black lights. (no kidding!) And you can add me to the hypochondriac list, and also never would have dreamed of having breast cancer.

    KerryMac- I hope you are feeling better today!

    My husband LOVES boiled peanuts.. canned or fresh-any way he can get them.. me not so much, unless I am really hungry..Stupid question- do the boiled ones have as much protein as the regualr peanuts, like the roasted ones, or does the boiling take some of that out of them, like the veggies? (please don't laugh if that is a blonde question.. lol)

    48 hours to go.. trying not to get too nervous!Undecided

    Take care everyone!

    XOXO

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2009

    Wow.  I'm already 20 pages behind in this post for Februaries.  My Oncologist and I just agreed on chemo this a.m.  We discuss my schedule plan tomorrow a.m.

    My mom died of cancer, and other complications.  I'll say one thing now, no matter what, I did expect to develop cancer; however, I only had half the idea of what a brave lady my mother was. 

    I will try to glean wisdom and knowledge from your posts.

    Thank you!

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  • kat4pink
    kat4pink Member Posts: 63
    edited February 2009

    Hi Sessna1-  Sorry about the loss of your mother.. I am sure she was a very brave woman.

    Welcome!

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  • flmomof3
    flmomof3 Member Posts: 28
    edited February 2009

    MicheleS:

    I understand your saddness, we are all definately entitled to those moments...this is a life changing experience, no matter what anyone says...

     My DH wanted me to stop logging on here because he thought it was making me too sad...I was reading a lot about Angela who passed away  Feb 14th, she was  a lot younger than me...

     BC is something that will make everything else in our lives look easy.. I think we need to stay focused on helping each other through this...We all know not everyone does make it, but the majority do! The healthy ones aren't spending their days logging on to Breastcancer.org...they are happily living their new lives with a new spirit and Carpe Diem attitude...I know I will be out at the park/ ball fields/beach with my kids this time next year...not napping/ online at 3pm on a beautiful day!

    BTW I am stressing out about round 2 on Thursday Yell

    Hugs to all.

    sue from fl

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  • kmn0701
    kmn0701 Member Posts: 117
    edited February 2009

    xpectmiracles....boiled peanuts are a southern thing. My Mom lives in southern Alabama & I noticed that two of our Furies do also, so I happened to mention it. I just got some in the mail yesterday from my Mom so we were pretty excited in our house. Wink

    jancie....love the pics, your dress was gorgeous!

    My hair hasn't started to fall out yet. I'm to the point now where I just want it over!!!!! Damn disease!

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited February 2009

    So, eating Boiled Peanuts might not be a bad idea after all! Wink

    http://www.peanut-institute.org/06-29-00_Phytosterol_PR.html 

     Hope everyone is feeling OK. For everyone having a bad day, hope tomorrow is better.

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  • living4today
    living4today Member Posts: 215
    edited February 2009

    A great big hello to everyone, I haven't posted for a bit, just trying to concentrate on getting well enough from first round of chemo to do it all over again this Thursday.  However d/t reaction from last time, I will be admitted to the  hospital for this round (hopefully only for 24 hours.)  BC stinks!  I so relate to all those who expressed their fears.  Michele after I read your post this morning I was talking with DH and told him that I wanted bubbles at my funeral...hopefully that won't be for many, many years.  I think we all know the reality of our cancer, but I will be damned if I am going to let cancer control one more minute of my life than necessary!  Here's hoping to sunny days for everyone or at least the rainy ones will be fewer...

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2009

    Thank you, kat4pink, and Michele S.  I hope to read and appreciate more about Angela, may she rest in peace. 

    Michele, if your DH doesn't want you to have a support group who can relate, where do we go?  I really hate pitiful looks.  It's not that I'm brave, I just don't want pitying looks.

    Round 2.  Wow.  I'm not even out of my robe yet...

    Love in Christ,

    sessna1

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  • suzmarks
    suzmarks Member Posts: 83
    edited February 2009

    It's been a couple of days since I've chimed in even though I'm still reading messages daily. Welcome to the new members. It is hard to read about the difficulties that some of you have to deal with, certainly this is true about having a newborn and going through this experience. With the already difficult challenge of chemo it's unbelievable what else some of us are dealing with. It is great to see the pictures, makes it all the more real. It seems there are several of us having a chemo treatment on Thurs. I'm with you on that one, going for session two if my blood count is high enough. Kelty sorry to hear you had to delay your treatment. I had my first treatment on Feb. 6 and started the baldness process on Feb. 19. I left a little fuzz on my head as I liked the way it felt. 5 days later and I'm pretty bald now. I'm a teacher and a couple of my students from last year who like to visit started figuring out that I'm bald under a wig. It made me a little weepy. I don't really want to share this with my students, especially this year's group but it seems they may find out after all. I see the group is starting to express opinions about mortality. It is definitely an issue and I'm glad people are sharing these difficult thoughts. I have recently come around to thinking that although in all likelihood this disease is beatable some of us do end up battling it more than once. My heart goes out to those of you who are doing this now, you are brave souls. My best to all.

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  • webwriter
    webwriter Member Posts: 535
    edited February 2009

    A little love from Dixie! We are but passengers on this ship. Boiled Peanuts are now immortal! 

    Looks like a lot of folks are having a tough time with one aspect or another this week. The mortality one is one that I simply refuse to spend more than a thought on at this point. I can't. It's not like I'm dodging reality or anything. I get it, I do. I just have too much else on my plate right now. I've done the paperwork and stuff, but then I walked away. If this stuff is going to kill me, it isn't going to take me tomorrow. There is time. However, what IS happening tomorrow is another round of this insane cocktail that is sapping my life and saving it at the same time. (The irony in that just refuses to resolve to my satisfaction.) That's all I can cope with right now today. Getting ready to be down for another week +/- a few days.

    The irony of that too has dawned in the house this evening. That goofball I married was on a roll tonite with the lectures--releasing stress after an incredibly tough start to the week. Then he started on the life insurance, which somehow in the infinite loop that serves as his optimisim calculator, lead to the "Quality vs. Quantity" of time remaining discussion.

    I cried "Uncle." Well. Actually, I cried. I always do when the subject comes up. I can talk about it for a few minutes, but the infinite possibilites, scenarios and outcomes can create a life of their own. I can't go there other than being prepared with the groundwork, ya know? So, I said, "Dude. It's the night before my halfway chemo. Not Tonite, okay? Get back to me next week when I've figured out where my wherewithall went."

    He smiled and kissed me on the top of my bald head and said, "You're right, Babe. I'll see you next week when you get back."

    When I get back.

    That simple play on words, caved me in. He's still in there. I'm still in here. We both get it. On all levels, with all implied ramifications. Including the fact that I'm checking out for a week right now. But one day, it could be a lot longer than that.

    I signed in planning to have fun with the peanuts I've been saving all day.  Instead, I'm wiping tears from my eyes and beginning to understand that even if the worst happens, we will handle it just like we've handled everything else so far. One step at a time, one day a time (or week, if you count the post chemo crash.) We just do what we have to do.

    What other choice is there? 

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  • webwriter
    webwriter Member Posts: 535
    edited February 2009

    P.S. Kerry Mac!

    Great find! I'd never dare disparage our Dear Boiled Peanut. (State Flower, right?)

    I do, however, reserve the right to disparage the can! That's a crock pot up there, that is. You'll find one in every self respectin' C-Store 'tween here and The Line. That's how ya eat Boiled Peanuts. They're either canned, or boiled--not both. tee hee!

    Tomorrow will be a better day, right, ya'll?

    Decadron high, here I come! (Take cover ya'll. The entire family has plans to be elsewhere until i come down.)

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  • webwriter
    webwriter Member Posts: 535
    edited February 2009

    Oh! MicheleS, I met a lady at PT today who was a six year triple neg survivor. She's 53 and just had a similar shoulder repair to the one I had in November. I wore my daughter's fire hat, and had to take it off for my stretches. She smiled big and asked me if it was breast cancer. Then I noticed the ribbon on her ball cap, unobtrusive, but there, ya know? Anyway, long story short, they didn't have HER2 testing. She had ACx4,  no T and then rads. That was it. She says it's slowed her down a bit. I couldn't tell it. She said the cold never went away for her tho. She retired from elementary education last year and taught all the way through, 1/2 days she says. She said she wouldn't have tried to work if she'd had it to do over again, but that she'd obviously lived and intended to continue doing so. Triple Negative meant nothing to her, but her scans keep coming back clean and I can tell you, she is LIVING life. (Albeit with a few more clothes on than you or I might normally wear.) I loved her. That vibrant smile, and the one her hubby gave her as he walked her out said everything I needed to know. There is LIFE on the other side.

    No matter which side that is.

    ((Angela))

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited February 2009

    Hey guys - seems we are all having our own mortality moments here. I have had a weepy few days too. If it wasn't for my kids it wouldn't be so bad, but I just can't imagine missing out on their childhoods.....

    What I did yesterday when I was feeling upset was look up trials of my Chemo drug. The results are firmly on my side, I know that. But there is that percentage of people that Chemo just doesn't seem to work for, and it worries me that they have no way of knowing who those people are.... The only way to get through is to firmly believe it is working, and until we know otherwise not to let the fear get the better of us.

    Good luck to anyone heading in today. I will be at my halfway point on Friday, whoohoo! Well, really a week after Friday when I "return" to normal!

    Have a great day everyone...

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