Starting chemo January 2009?

Misty, thinking of you and hoping this one is better.

GracieM2007

Thank you for sharing . Sorry to hear you had to go through all you did.  In about 45 mins i am off for tx#2 and reading your post calmed me.  You are right chemo is do-able but sucks.  I did okay round one until i picked up a viral infection and mouth sores.  I had my blood work appt the day i felt blah and was giving fluids and a antibiotic. ( felt way better after that)  The good news is my blood work was really good. The wbc was low but my onc said nothing to worry about. well off and running!

Hi everyone.  I haven't been here much this week.   Until today, I have been really weak and not not feeling well at all.   My hemoglobin dipped very low after my last treatment.   I was fine days 1 through 6.   7 through 11 were extremely difficult.   Day 8 I wound up on the kitchen floor after I finally got up enough energy to get off the couch and try to get something to eat.  I thought I was fine and then all of a sudden my legs just buckled and I was down.  DSO was frantic, ready to call 911.  I must have been a sight.   Anyway, things got a bit better the last few days.   I may need a transfusion when I go Thursday for my next treatment.  Thankfully, my son will be here so I'm thinking they may be able to use his blood. 

I haven't had a chance to catch up on all the recent posts, but am hoping everyone is doing OK.  This whole thing really SUCKS!  

I recently (before this last treatment, obviously) had lunch with a good friend who had just finished chemo for lymphoma.  She had the right idea.  This was a recurrence for her.  After the first treatment a few years ago, she treated herself to a Coach bag, which she still had.  After this one she upgraded and is now driving a bright red, sporty corvette.  She looked sensational.  Quite an upgrade, I'd say but deserving none the less.   I think we all set our sights on something extemely extravagant for when we finish this thing.   What do you think?    

Hi January gals,

I go for tx 3 on Friday.  I'm trying to psych myself up for it by telling myself the following:

1.  I will be one closer to being done!  3 down, 5 to go!  37.50% done!

2.  So far the SEs have been very manageable and I don't believe in the cumulative theory

3.  The folks at the cancer center make me feel like a million bucks every time I go there. ("You look awesome!" "You have such a good attitude!", etc.)  I'm sure they're trained to make us feel good and I fall for it hook, line and sinker.

4.  I'm an extremely busy working mom.  When do I ever get a chance to put my feet up and read, sleep and be waited on for 2 hours on Friday morning?

Also, I'm looking forward to a better experience with Neu-bastard since I got the Claritin tip from my awesome support board.

I now have one little bald spot in my stubble but the rest seems to hanging on or just thinning very slowly.  I take pain relievers only to get rid of the pain caused by my stubble rubbing against my sleep hat.

I hope everyone is ok.  Hang in there and feel good!

Diane

I highly encourage the idea of a big reward. My parents died within 20 days of each other 7 years ago, and when we finally sold their house, I went for the car.  A silver Audi TT convertible.  I believe they smile up there everytime I take it out for a spin.  Cars were never a big deal for me, but the wind in my hair(?) and the open air are a great tonic.  Go for the car - or something else you will love and never forget!  My youngest has a long-term significant relationship with a wonderful guy whose parents live in Grenoble, France.  We're planning  a big "meet the parents" trip in August.

Berkley Kim - I can relate to story.  While I would hope most teachers and counselors are compassionate and that would help, I can say from experience some are not. Hate to say that since I am a teacher!   I also have a daughter in high school and this has been so hard on her.  She's a great student, but came home with a failing grade in chemistry because of one zero on a paper.  She left a paper at home the day I got sick with bronchitis instead of having chemo.  Our household was crazy because we had all so anticipated the chemo only to have it canceled.  She called me to bring her paper to her, but I couldn't get it to her before her class started.  When she told her teacher(who is just down the hall from me and knows the situation) she told her she wouldn't take it after class had started and when my DD asked if she could call me to not bring it to her - she said NO!  Not sure what I've done to this lady, but she got a nice little email from me the next day.  The teachers in my dept. thought I was too nice in my email, but it was pretty bitchy for me.  Anyway, if you don't take a paper 5 min. late and that's your policy - fine - but have a little compassion and let her save me the trouble.  She never replied to my email.

 I think for the most part my DD is holding up well.  She walks up behind my and acts like she's pulled out a wad of hair and will joke around with me about things, but has also had some really tough moments.  It makes me so sad that she has to worry about this cancer stuff.

Kmmd-some of her teachers know because she's told them, and I really need to call her grade-level counselor just so they know.

Lester63-wow, can't believe any teacher (and I'm one too) could be so uncompassionate, hard-headed and hard-hearted! I'm going to try to pay more attention to helping my dd focus and organize her work, which have always been difficulties for her. She's trying out for swim team today, and I hope she's able to do that and get her work done too.

Renrel-I know what you mean about doing the paperwork for going back to work! I just can't seem to do it because I don't know how I'll feel any one day, and I need to get sub coverage. My current sub wants to know which days I will or will not come in, which I completely understand because she wants to line up other jobs. So, I'm still wringing my hands over it. I only have one my AC next week and then start 12 weekly taxols, but I need to get back before tx is over!

Thanks all for listening. kim

Hi all. Well today my hair is falling out in earnest.  So far only my family can tell; my students just think I keep cutting it shorter.  They seem the most okay with my wish to wear hats , though unfortunately my fellow teachers are most hesitant to support me on that.  I foolishly spent money on a wig I don't like and am now waiting for another one-I hope the new one looks better. I was surprised at how much scalp pain I experienced?  ANYONE else?????? It felt like I was laying down on a bunch of pins and needles.  I could barely sleep.  Now my head just itches and it feels good to pull the hair out.  I am strategically covering the bare spots---no I don't swoop my hear around to cover the bald crown yet----and waiting for the wig to show up.

I am 38 hours away from tx #2--glad to get to that day and so happy to be closer to being done.

I wonder how many of you are having radiation too?????????? So far, I am not...wonder what anybody's input is on that...

Bye all my encouraging friends.  Have a nice evening 

Hi Group

jrgolomb ~ Yes, my scalp hurt all the time and I actually started pulling my hair out because it felt better when I was ripping it out and it tingled all the time.

I shaved all my hair off today because I had so many patches from pulling at it and no one will believe this but I love my bald head and when all this is over I have already decided to keep it very short like this my SO other says I look very sexy like this and I agree, I was very surprised to look in the mirror and see a much younger women looking back. With all my stress over the last few years with my sons illness I looked more like 50 then my 38 and now I feel like I look my age, who knows it might be wishful thinking on my part but my spirits are up so I'll live with it. I had my 2nd dose of chemo today and it went very well, not tired yet but I am sure it's the steroids and tomorrow is Nulastu shot I am sure I will be down then but I got a Rx for lortab from the ongc today. I also asked him to look at a lump in my mid chest, he thinks it just a small cyst and says he will keep an eye on it, has anyone else had anything like that an it was nothing? just wondering, once you get CA I think you become paranoid about everything or maybe just me.

Good health to all, may your SE be minimal.

When I picked up my free wig from ACS the lady warned me that it would physically hurt to lose my hair.  She said it would be worse since my hair is thick.  So far no hair is falling out and scalp pain has been on and off. 

Today at my art therapy workshop there was a young lady who came proudly bald and she looked wonderful.  She had such a great attitude.  She said it was just another look.  She told me that I had nice eyes and would look wonderful bald and when she noticed my ring she commented that it would be easier because I already had someone in my life.  I told her that when she found someone who could see past her hair she would KNOW she had found someone special and that would be pretty special. 

I do get depressed now and then.  So far I have just kind of acknowledged to myself that I am feeling that way but I have not allowed myself to spend much time acting depressed.  I do my guided imagry. I take a walk.  I take a nap.  I play with my son.  That seems to help me get past it but I have a feeling it is going to hit harder and harder. 

The worse is when I allow myself to think bad thoughts, like that regardless of all that I am doing the cancer will grow somewhere else in my body and that I am going to have to explain that to my parents, my husband and my son.  That it will kill me and that my son is going to cry out for me and I will not be there to comfort him.  Before any of this happened I had told someone that one of the things that suprised me about being a mother was how hard it is that I am not allowed to die.  Not that I ever wanted to die, but it was some how reassuring to know that I could opt out if life ever got too hard. But once you have a kid it feels like you lose that right.  You have to fight tooth and nail to stick around because you owe it to them.  And that is hard and sometimes you can resent you kid for it, and that was what I thought before I discovered I had cancer, so what will I think/feel if I really am facing terminal cancer?  Scares the bejebers out of me.  

Hi all:

It was Lester63's daughter who had the b of a teacher. My daughter's struggles are more her own (although she definitely butts heads with the teacher who gave her her "bad" grade). Things have calmed down on the home front since the report card was opened yesterday. I'm determined to be more supportive and attentive to her. She's so independent for 14, but has always been "mommy's girl" as the youngest.

Misty, Hawaii, and Renrel--your thoughts and fears really echo mine. I try to let the worries go...reading, walking, being with family and friends really helps, and I although I know there's a better chance than not of my being "disease free" for at least a few years, I still find myself worrying about every little ache and pain and "symptom." My depression comes more right after the tx when I'm wiped out, then seems to ease. I had some good cries earlier in the diagnosis, but now I'm more just worried. When I saw my primary care doc prior to this, I told him how hard it was for me, and he suggested getting some happy pills during chemo if needed. I think for now, I'll keep trying Peter Pan's words: Think of the happiest things...Also, looking at my kids' baby pictures helps.

Lisa--1/2 way--congrats!!! Sounds like you're handling this great.

Year of the Hat--they gave me a double dose of Ativan before my last tx because even though I've never gotten sick during tx, I was ready to throw up this last time just being in the chair! It helped I think. Dance!

Busy board!! Good morning ladies and welcome to Bev56.  This is a great place to get info and vent.  I have my last TC on Friday - yippee!! but spent 4 hours awake last night worrying about my entire life past, present and future.  I have a nagging pain in my wrist and sure it's just arthritis but darn it, it wasn't there before TC#3.  I understand everyone's concerns over depression.  Some days I just don't want to talk to anyone, cry in the shower or make the effort.  Then my SO holds my hands, tears in his eyes and tells me how beautiful I look bald.  So I pull it together wrap a pretty scarf around my neck and get out for a walk.  But yesterday and today he is travelling and it's so cold here in PA I just want to crawl back into bed.  So, have made an appointment for an afternoon pedicure - how about that? and will join my friend for a walk/run later this morning.  Have a beautiful day all - keep those SE's at bay and have good thoughts if you can.

Bobbi

My 1st tx was 1/21 and this morning I noticed a sore spot on my scalp.  So I tugged on some hair and my hair is officially starting to come out.  Just multiple strands at a time, not big clumps or anything yet but it is started and I is bothering more than I thought it would. In part is is just wrong to have to deal with this during these few really good days at the end of the cycle. I was pretty much fine yesterday, though I wore a face mask all day to be safe and today I was strong enough to shovel the snow and let DH sleep in.  I was planning a very productive day, which I may still have but I also feel sad and want to just curl up and be depressed and sad about my hair today. 

hawaii-depression here too, and i am like you i still have to get through this and then have surgery and 33 radiation tx.

those of you losing you hair, thoughts to you mine started last week so i went ahead and buzzed it friday, i think i bothered my hubby more than me. friend say it is cute, i just need a pair of big dangly earings and i'm in businesss.