Help---depressed

deechrist · February 2009

So I just finished my fourth A/C chemo and will be starting Taxol in 2 weeks. Then radiation. I find that for about a week after the A/C, I get depressed---cry alot. On top of that, my husband told me two weeks after my mastectomy that he has a girlfriend and he moved out a month ago, so I realize there is more to things than just the cancer. Just curious if the depression after chemo is normal.

AnnNYC · February 2009

Geez dee,

just BC dx depressed me -- I never even had chemo. And husband leaving -- I had that when I was HEALTHY and it was depressing as hell!

which is just to say, I don't have the info to answer your question about chemo, but I really feel for you and want to offer big hugs and a shoulder to cry on!!!!!

((((deechrist))))

P.S. You're beautiful. He must be nuts...

spar2 · February 2009

Depression is common but to have to lose you husband on top of it no wonder you are depressed. You need to start on a antidepressant. I am using citalopram which has worked wonders for me. Do you have a job and financial problems on top of all else? Do you have children? You probably need something like ativan to help you stay calm and handle things. Just know that we will be here for you 24/7 when you need to talk. There are some wonderful women on the board who have been through so much. God bless you and please keep in touch. Will be praying for you. hugs. Sherry

priz47 · February 2009

Breast cancer can mae you depressed, a mastctomy can make you depressed, chemo can make you depressed, your husband having a girlfriend can make you depressed......Need I go on?!? I am so sorry! I hope that you have a good support system of family and friends. Do not feel bad if you need meds to help.If they are needed for a short time, go for it. We are here for you.Come talk,rant, rave, whatever.

D

denise1962 · February 2009

I started on Lexapro after my 1st diagnosis in 2006. I take them 2 to 3 times a week and finds it really helps. Do what you need to do for your self. There is alot of support here.

dlb823 · February 2009

dee ~ Any man that would walk out on a woman just weeks after she's had a bc dx and a mastectomy is no loss, and not worth crying about. I'm so sorry that happened to you, but the amount of selfishness it took to walk out on you is almost beyond comprehension!

As a practical suggestion, I know the two hospitals where I'm being treated both have wonderful staff psychologists available as part of the treatment they offer. I've found short visits with them to be extremely helpful -- so much so, that I'm wondering if a talk with someone like that might be helpful to you right now. There's a ton of emotional stuff that goes on just with the bc, not to mention the compounding of your other loss, and it might be very helpful to talk to a professional who totally understands the emotions that go along with the tx you're going through, as well as everything else. Sadly, a husband leaving while a woman is in tx is something they've no doubt dealt with before, and can probably offer some great insight and coping strategies.

You've been dealt a pretty rough hand, please know that there are many women here who understand a lot, if not all, of what you're going through and want to help you get through it. I hope tomorrow will look brighter for you ~

Janzin · February 2009

Hello Britt,

I really feel for you. My husband left 1 1/2 years ago. Right afterwards I had my hip surgeries. I went through a huge depression, lost about 35-40 lbs. Cried a lot, stared at the walls a lot, etc. I couldn't imagine going through all that with breast cancer, the cancer alone is shocking news and way worse than hip problems. I do know that I needed to process all the feelings that goes with divorce and life too and move on, and I did, and so will you. You will be a stronger person for it.

After processing some of the feelings with the divorce, I realized that I was actually better off without him. I felt better about myself in everyway, had less resentments and I realized that I want that I want something more in a man than my ex-husband. Your husband walking out at a time when you really needed him doesn't say much for the man he is, I think you will want something more too.

If the depression is too much, talk to your Dr. about it, they will have suggestions for you. I think all of us has a bit of depression with dealing with BC, even if we show a smile to everyone. With the drug side effects, the scare of the unknown, watching yourself get mutilated, the long recovery process and the bills to go with it, the list just goes on. Find some happy spots in life, mine was art and salsa, to keep your mind busy and let time do it's thing. The support here is wonderful, you will make new friends and the women here understands a lot what you are going through.

So keep on writing, we are here for you! You are not alone. My thoughts are with you!

lilith · February 2009

Hi Britt.

I think your feelings are very, very, very normal.Chemo makes one tired, and feeling out of life. It is tough to deal with, let alone having to deal with a husband who cheats and leave. It is a very low thing to do at such a time... imagine that my EX husband came to spend the month with me while I was going throught DX (and I will be forever grateful he did, for the help and for our daughter), can't imagine a husband leaving and still consider himself human. I hope you will be able to put off the divorce bit by some time, so you can recover from the shock and be stronger to deal with the legal issues.

As the other girls pointed out, I feel it is in order to ask some medical support, you have all reasons to get some help. Don't suffer alone - your own medical staff (onc, nurses....) will be able to address you to a counselor. Probably talking about your fears will already help, and will enable you to go through the next cycles stronger and better.

((((((hugs)))))) I am so sorry you have to deal with all this.

lalady · February 2009

Where is that jerk! We'll get together and give him some TEXAS justice!! Take him out and horse whip him Surprised , toss some salt in the wounds Wink , then stake him out over a red ant hill!!! What a low life! Yell

You are better off without someone like that! Now, when you stop laughing you'll feel better

La June

caligrlof68 · February 2009

Dee-

I just wanted to say that I know just what you're going through. My husband left me during my chemo treatments...partially because he had a "healthy" girlfriend who was much more fun than I was, and partially because for some time before the cancer and continuing thru the chemo I was NOT the wife I should have been. I did not give my husband the respect he needed. I realized AFTER he left that we both made mistakes, but the mistakes I made pushed him away and into the arms of a woman who did give him the respect he so desired. There is a wonderful book called Love & Respect by Dr Eggerichs. It might help you understand more about your marital dynamics. I can honestly say that I still LOVE my husband and desire to have him back in my life. I don't want any of my friends to say bad things about my husband because he isn't a bad man, he just felt backed into a corner. Did you know that as a whole, men would rather be alone and lonely than feel disrespected?? Women need to feel LOVED, Men need to feel respected. I hope this helps you to put things in perspective.

As far as the depression goes....I agree with everyone here... It's normal for all you are going through. I am currently taking an antidepressant AND seeing a therapist. I don't cry nearly as much as I did last week, but I don't yet feel "happy" either. I just keep remembering that time heals all wounds.

Stacy

Diana63 · February 2009

Dee, like everyone has said here you have every reason to be depressed, just don't let it keep you down. Taxol was a lot easier than A/C for me, my hair started to grow & I could look at food with feeling sick. I always tell my daughter when she gets depressed to do something she wants to do, it could be getting a good movie to watch or spending time with someone you love. Since your husband is gone maybe a friend would take a class of some kind with you, like pottery sewing, painting or whatever you might like to do. It might take your mind off things for a while, and like the other ladies have said you might think about medication to help over the ruff part.

God Bless Diana

kayakgirl · February 2009

I send you my hugs. Some men are just jerks and your husband gets the Jerk Award. I think depression after treatment is very normal. We just went through hell and now we done with the active part of treatment and we are fearful for what are future may be. I found that by joining exercise classes gear for people with cancer and other support groups have been helpful for me. Exercise really helped me deal with my depression and anxiety. There are 2 social organizations for people with cancer and their families that have a place to go for lectures, classes and social stuff. They are Gilda's Club and the Wellness Community. Here are their websites: www.gildasclub.org and www.thewellnesscommunity.org. Both of these organizations are free. I am taking a Pilate's class, mediation, a yoga class and belong to a journal club at my local Gida's club. I have been to a number of different lectures from nutrition to lymphedema and coping with side effects etc. My local Gilda's Club is an upbeat place housed in a very homelike setting. You do meet other people with cancer that I find to be invaluable when you just want to talk with someone that understands what you are going through. We have fun, we laugh and live in the present.

Help---depressed

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