Anger and emotional overeating

rubyredslippers · February 2009

Hello

I was diagnosed in June 2008, had a lumpectomy, 3 months Chemo followed by 6 weeks radiotherapy that I finished one week ago.

What I feel left with is anger. Mostly caused by the attitude and ignorance of other people. Then I overeat to consume the anger or cover it up.

Where do I start...may have to tell my story about anger over a few posts, but to make a start:

When I was diagnosed, had surgery and then Chemo there was a work colleague who was really helpful and supportive - sending me a get well card of support after my surgery. Supporting me through Chemo by visiting me on the day, sending me congratulations card when I'd finished and so on. Now that my treatment is finished, not even a 'how are you?'. I went back to work today and as my hair has started to grow back (around 6mm growth all over) and it's summer, I didnt wear a head covering. She saw me, didnt ask me how I was going, didnt comment on my hair etc..Ive noticed that some other colleagues now seem to have no interest in 'how I am' now that my treatment is over. I feel furious that the message seems to be "it's over now...get over it and lets all move on".

I also feel annoyed at the never ending gross ignorance of women who feel compelled to mention that they knew someone who had breast cancer and they died. A colleague today was telling me about someone from school and how their wife died last year after she "lost her battle with breast cancer". I thought, well that's sad but do you really think it's appropriate to mention that to me at this point in time??

Another colleague who is really nice and I know meant well was looking at my hair re-growth and said "there's a lot of greys there"...I had them before around the temple, but I think Ive gone a bit greyer from the cancer experience...I thought, well thanks for pointing that out, I dont own a mirror and all.....

All this kind of stuff leaves me feeling as though I have a constant simmering anger all the time...which is not only just an awful stressful feeling, but I dont think it is helping me to get and stay well.

Do other women feel this inner rage at these kind of things - I mean, I feel that my anger isnt so much about the cancer itself, but the ignorance, insensitivity and so on from others. Has anyone else experienced similar treatment from 'friends' or workmates? I was already overweight when diagnosed but gained a lot of weight from chemo, but find my anger then leads to compulsive overeating....help.

kmccraw423 · February 2009

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I think breast cancer is enough for anyone to deal with and everything else can go to hell. Sorry, but that's how I feel.

Here's a positive story for you. My sister's best friend found out she had cancer right before her second marriage. Her now husband and she got married right away so she would be covered by his insurance. She opted for a lumpectomy. Then she got breast cancer in the other breast and had another lumpectomy. By the way, chemo in between surgeries. Had to have a total hysterectomy - breast cancer had metastasized (sp?). Got another breast cancer. By that time, she had had it. She opted for a double mastectomy. Guess what, they found more cancer in the other breast! She lives in New York and was at Ground Zero. She lost her son last year. She had a DIEP procedure, nipple reconstruction and tatooed. She says her foobies look great, she's happy and going strong. I just love her spirit.

As for overeating, I eat when I am depressed, happy, lonely, watching TV, pretty much whenever I am awake. I have had to seriously cut back as I am a diabetic and if I ever want to heal I need to keep my blood sugars under control.

A lot of people tell me that they can't eat when depressed. I tell them I have to have the razor hovering over my wrists before I am depressed enough not to eat!

I have tried to use a sense of humor when I can. For example a response to the "there's a lot of grey in there" you could say "and I have earned every single one of them." I think I would have also said out loud what you were thinking "thanks for pointing that out I don't own a mirror." Actually with a smile on your face that would have been the best line.

I know this post is long. I am not very patient at all but have learned through this whole bc crap that I have to work everyday to develop patience and see the humorous side of life or else I am going to be as big as a house. My goal is to be fit and healthy so I can go back for reconstruction (which failed last time).

As for friends and coworkers, some folks are just better in a crises and once its over, go back to the way they were before not realizing that you can't go back. You've changed. I know in my family the squeaky wheel gets all the attention. I had to have a major meltdown for family to understand. I was always the strong one and I was doing it again with bc. I have to learn to discuss my feelings. I have been literally stuffing them for so long with food that I hardly recognize what I am feeling; hence, overeating.

Best wishes. I know other women on this site will probably have better advice but I thought knowing someone else out here has the same problem might be comforting.

Blundin2005 · February 2009

Hi Ruby Red Slippers--a great sign on name by the way.

You've come to the right place. There is nothing that you've written about in your post that most of us haven't experienced in one form or another. And probably most important is that we "get it". Your feelings are 'normal' and healthy anger can be vented here. So hang on to our shirt tails.

When you say that you need to write it out here....do just that. We'll listen and hopefully help.

My experience was that eventually I understood that when people saw me they really didn't know what to say. They did their best. And, I think, they were afraid that it could happen to them so some people put insulation between us.

But it was impossible for them to understand how we saw the world from the inside out. Not to mention that it was hell and pure exhaustion to get through the whirlwind from diagnosis through treatment. Then we're thrown back into the "normal" world....but our 'normal' changed drastically.

The good news is that there are a tremendous number of really good women on these boards who can help you to brace the battle. Really. No exaggeration. And it all is about taking one day at a time, or one minute at a time whatever is most comfortable.

I hope this helps. I'll watch for you as will others. Just a note to say that I'm not here on the boards all of the time...but I'll watch for you when I am. I'm sure other's will write to you soon.

"Never run faster than your guardian angel can fly"

Marilyn

Jorf · February 2009

Maybe because I didn't experience it very much it doesn't bother me. Everyone has their own reactions to something as intense and scary as this. Very few people know how to deal with it gracefully. Any time it happened to me I had the opportunity for forgiveness and understanding. One of the main things I learned during my whole cancer experience was "you never know how you'll react to something until you have to" and that I'll never judge someone's actions or reactions again. I did things I never thought I'd do, both "good" and "bad".

Also, everyone is different in what kind or how much attention they want. No one else can know that. That includes afterword. Maybe your friend at work figured you'd be just as happy to forget about it now that it's over. Who knows. Maybe a "thanks SOO much for your support during my treatment, it's still such a big part of my life" or something like that. We have to go to others because they don't know how to come to us.

Anger and emotional overeating

Comments

Categories