Need others thoughts to help me decide

Hi, I'm sort of new here, although I registered a few weeks ago this is my 1^st post.  I have been going back and reading previous posts, copying all the tips and suggestions to refer back to (really big thank you to all for the info I have found on this site).  I am 48 and was diagnosed with ILC on Christmas eve day 2008. I took a few weeks to decide how to proceed, as well as getting signed up for Medicaid since I had no health insurance. I had lumpectomy and sentinel node bx 1/26/09, final path report showed that the margins were not clear and a 4mm focus on a node, so now I have to start a new game plan.  Appt with my onco is 2/3/09 and am considering several possible options to discuss with him.  I am reasonably sure that I would prefer bilateral mastectomy with recon, although I haven't yet decided what type, or if I want to wait on that or do it right away.  As I live alone, and have several things that need to be prearranged prior to surgery for my peace of mind (I am obsessive about planning for the absolute worst case scenario), I'm wondering if starting a round of chemo now and delaying surgery would have a severely negative impact on my overall prognosis.  While I have known my onco for many years through work and trust him, I can't help but think that while he has the experience and knowledge to recommend the treatment plan he feels is best, he may not fully appreciate the fear and uncertainty that we go through trying to make treatment decisions and then second guessing and what if'ing every one.  My friends and family will support whatever decision I ultimately make, but having no first hand experience with this, their suggestions on what to do, even though they mean well, aren't really helping right now.  I could really use input from someone that knows from experience what I'm going through.